


Just the Three of Us

by einfach_mich



Category: Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-16
Updated: 2012-07-07
Packaged: 2017-11-06 08:30:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 54,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/416815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/einfach_mich/pseuds/einfach_mich
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leah knew that college would change her life, but she wasn't prepared for how her roommates would turn her life upside down.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to my fabulous beta Jessypt as well as my wonderful proofreaders Chele681 and Mjinaspen.

  


When I signed up for the C-district dorms I didn't read the fine print. I don't remember seeing the tiny little words of uni-sex. You'd think I would have noticed the word _sex_ , but I was stressed out. The fact that I was finally going to be free and paying at least two hundred dollars less than other dorms was plenty to get me to sign up.

_I had reached my limit with making all the arrangements for school, moving, not to mention dealing with my father's nagging. He spent every day, from the time I graduated till the day I finally left the reservation trying to convince me to stay at home, even going as far as offering to pay for my gas if I stayed home and commuted to school. That was just fucking ridiculous. Seattle is over a hundred miles from La Push, and even that doesn't seem far enough from my father's judgmental frown and old fashioned thinking. If I have to listen to him ramble about how I should forget about school and "settle down with a nice Quileute boy," I was going to fucking scream._

_He could keep the nice Quileute boys. I have my sights set on a career in journalism, photojournalism to be exact. Honestly, I don't really care as long as it gets me out of La Push and into the world. I have spent my whole life venturing no farther than a few miles from home, and I'm done with that claustrophobic existence. There is an entire world out there, and I want to see it all._

_I stood in front of the towering, gray cement buildings consumed with the realization that I was really and truly in the outside world. I wasn't going to be living in my father's house, and I could do whatever the hell I wanted. No more stupid curfew, no more lectures on how I shouldn't swear so much, and no more of the constant fight to be myself. I could stay up, drink, and date whomever I wanted. This is what it was like to be an adult. So what if it meant I was going to be sharing my space with a couple of guys. I grew up with a pack of wild hellions back home, and I was sure college boys couldn't be any worse than the jackasses in La Push. I was ready to deal with whatever awaited me at the dorms._

_Of course, all self-confidence and coherent thought drained right out of my head as the door opened, and I was greeted by two beautiful male faces. I remember thinking that I must have the wrong room or that I hit my head on the way up the stairs, because there was no way that guys that hot actually existed in real life. It's one thing to be roommates with two guys, but when they looked like male models...fuck me, it was intimidating._

" _Hey!" An impossibly tall blond grinned and took my bags without even asking._

_My neck pinched a little when I looked up at him, and I'm five feet, nine inches tall. He was wearing nothing but a pair of jeans and boots. He had a tattoo of a heart with the letter M in the center of it on his right shoulder. I figured it must be for his mom. He turned around and carried my bags down the narrow hallway, showing off another tattoo in the shape of Texas, of all things, taking up most of the left side of his back._

" _Hi, I'm Edward and that's Jasper. You must be the roomie," the equally tall, auburn haired guy said, reaching out his hand to me and drawing my attention from the tattooed, blond god._

_His eyes were a startlingly brilliant shade of green that I had never seen before in real life. Strangely enough the little green bead in his eyebrow ring matched the color of his eyes perfectly. His ears were pierced too, two chrome rings dangle from each ear. I was a little thrown by his piercings. Sure,_ _I_ _knew that it was pretty common for guys to have piercings, especially in Seattle, but none of the guys on the rez had them. I wasn't even allowed to get my ear pierced till I was sixteen. The only guys that_ _I've seen with piercings and tattoos for that matter are in movies or rap videos. I always thought that guys with piercings looked dangerous and kind of ugly, but Edward was the farthest thing from that. His_ _lips seemed a little full for a guy. They looked really soft… and kissable too. His long, wavy hair, and delicate facial features made him look almost too pretty._

" _Yeah," I stuttered like a brain dead moron._

_I was so distracted by his looks that I lifted the wrong hand, and gave this pathetic backward handshake. He didn't seem to mind; he just smiled pleasantly and continued to hold the back of my hand as he pulled me inside. I felt ridiculous, standing there staring at his face while he closed the door behind me. It actually was kind of sweet how he continued to cradle my hand in his palm while I stared at him like a starstruck idiot._

" _Ed quit dazzling the girl and come on," the blond said, and I hoped I wasn't blushing._

" _Blow me, Jasper," Ed laughed, pulling me down the narrow hallway._

" _You keep sweet talkin' me like that, baby, and I just might," Jasper replied with a twang that quickly explained his tattoo._

" _I'd hate to make all your other boyfriends jealous," Edward countered, releasing my hand to swipe at the back of Jasper's head._

" _Oh, Edward, sweetheart, you are askin' for some trouble." Jasper dropped my bags, spun around, and tackled Edward._

_They went careening into the wall and tumbled to the floor in a ball of thrashing arms and legs. Edward made a strangled howling sound, and Jasper whooped with laughter that made him sound like a braying donkey. It reminded me of my little brother, Seth, and his idiotic friends, except I never had fantasies about them wrestling naked...with oil. Yes, naked oil wrestling would be perfect._

_After another five minutes of their horseplay, I finally got bored with fantasizing while I waited for them to stop and stuck my fingers in my mouth to whistle. It was sharp and louder than I had intended. I usually only used that whistle outside when I had to call Seth and his friends for dinner. The sound echoed in the small hallway and left my ears ringing, but at least it got the boys' attention._

" _Sorry to interrupt the foreplay, but is this my room?" I pointed at the door on my left._

_Jasper released Edward from his chokehold and gave me a smirk. "I like her."_

_He continued to stare at me while he stood up and dusted himself off. While Edward coughed a little and replied to my question, "That's the bathroom. I'll show you to your room."_

" _Here, sweetness," Jasper said, helping Edward to stand, only to elbow him hard in the stomach. "No need to bother yourself; I'll see to the lady."_

" _Cocksucker," Edward choked out and tumbled back to his knees._

_I suppose I should have tried to help him, but I was distracted by Jasper. He walked toward me, giving me a knee-weakening smirk, and stopped right in front of me. Stop staring at his mouth! I kept internally screaming at myself, but it was no use. I just hoped I wasn't drooling out the side of my mouth._

" _This is your room," he said, pivoting on one foot and tapping the tip of his cowboy boot against the door on my right._

" _We're neighbors," Edward announced from the floor._

_Pulling my eyes away from Jasper's ridiculously sexy boots, I glanced at Edward who was struggling to his feet, while lifting my bags. His face was flushed, and he was smiling. I immediately felt bad for not helping him, but I could still feel Jasper's presence next to me. His close proximity was paralyzing._

_What the fuck is wrong with me?_

" _Cool," I said, trying to match Edward's smile and feeling a little dizzy from all the attention._

_It's not that I'm not used to being around guys, even handsome ones, but most are either relatives or might as well be. That's the drawback of growing up in a small community - no mystery or romance to guys who you've known most of your life. It doesn't matter how hot a guy is, when you can remember how he peed his pants on the first day of kindergarten, you can never really see him as sexy. Poor Quil had grown up to be kind of cute, but he would forever be Pee Pee McGee to me._

" _You need to unlock it with your key," Jasper whispered into my ear and brushed his finger over the back of my hand._

" _Right," I stuttered and dig in my pocket for my key._

_I finally got the door open and took a look inside. The room was huge – at least twice the size of my room back home. The single bed, four-drawer dresser, and small desk looked tiny in the giant room. It made me feel small and a little unsteady. I stared in awe, my sexy roommates all but forgotten._

" _It's huge," I muttered to myself._

" _Yeah, it is," Jasper said, giving me a wink and leaning in the doorway next to me._

_Before I could respond, Edward walked up and gave Jasper a hard shove, sending him tumbling forward into my room. Jasper quickly recovered his balance and flipped off Edward before dropping down on the bare mattress._

" _These used to be double occupancy, but the guidelines stipulate that we all have to have our own rooms in the uni-sex dorms," Edward said, picking up my bags in one hand and grabbing my wrist to lead me into the room._

_I stared at the bare, white walls and wide window covered with bland, ivory colored blinds. It was a giant blank canvas waiting for me to fill it. My mind spun with the possibilities._

" _What's your name, beautiful?" Jasper's voice drew my attention down to him lounging on my bed._

_He looked at home, lying on his side, absently stroking the bare mattress. I raised my eyes to his face, in an effort not to stare at his bare chest, and caught him waggling his eyebrows at me. That was it. I was overwhelmed by all the male attention, seeing my huge room, and realizing I was truly free of my father. My brain short circuited, and I began to laugh, loudly. Jasper's smile evaporated in an instant, but I couldn't stop myself. In fact, I just laughed harder. The tension and nervous energy dissolved as my body shook with the effort to control my hysterics._

" _Leah," I finally answered between giggles._

" _Welcome home, Leah!" Edward slid his arm around my shoulder and began to laugh along with me._

" _Yeah, welcome," Jasper mumbled, leaping up from the bed to tackle Edward to the floor and nearly knocked me over in the process._

_I collapsed onto my bed as they wrestled on the floor of my room. I watched them and continued to giggle like an idiot. My room, my bed, my life – I loved the sound of it. I stretched out, getting comfortable, and watched the boys roll on the floor like idiots. If this was what life on my own was going be like, I was pretty sure I could get used it._

That was four months ago, but it feels like a lifetime has passed. I'm not nearly as starstruck by the boys anymore - that kind of happens after you see guys fart on each other, and you have to remind them for the millionth time not to leave dirty clothes all over the bathroom floor. In some ways, it's like I've never left home. _Boys_.

Don't get me wrong, Edward and Jasper are both gorgeous, but they're my friends now; that makes fantasizing about them naked kind of awkward. Not that I don't still do it on occasion. I'm only human and still very fucking single. _Ugh!_

I'm more comfortable with them now that we've had time to get to know each other. Edward and I especially have become close friends. With his help, I've managed to pull a decent GPA for the fall quarter. He's taking Classic Lit with me and has promised to help me with Calculus next semester. I'm so lucky he is smart and willing to help me out. It also doesn't hurt that he has either already taken or is taking the same classes I am, even though he's not officially an English major.

In fact, technically he is a culinary arts major, but he wants to be a writer. His father insisted he get a degree in something he could make money with, hoping Edward would be a business major. Edward had his own plans, and they aren't about to be derailed by his overbearing father. Needless to say, we have a lot in common in that department. He plans to be a food critic and to write books about culinary history on the side. It sounds fun. I know Edward is going to be an absolute success, because he is a genius in the kitchen.

He's always doing experimenting in the kitchen. He goes to the farmer's market down on Ravenna once a week and picks up a strange new vegetable to cook for us. I don't know how he does it, but he has a talent for making everything taste heavenly. I hate turnips, but Edward can transform them into light, mouthwatering slices of heaven on your tongue. All that talent, and looks to boot, should give Edward one hell of a big ego, but he's really humble.

He's also kind of my best friend. We hang out a lot, because we're studying all the fucking time. His easy-going nature puts me at ease, and he is a great listener. I've always thought I was kind of quiet, or at least I was back home, but Edward can get me jabbering for hours about nothing. He listens and smiles, commenting from time to time, but he never tells me I'm talking too much, even when it's three in the morning and he is obviously tired. I don't know what it is about him; he is just so easy to be around.

Jasper on the other hand is the bane of my existence. I mean we are totally friends, too, but that kind of makes it worse. At the beginning of the semester, when I had to go to the mandatory self-defense class for female freshmen, Jasper insisted he and Edward tag along. Ten minutes into the class, he interrupted the instructor and ended up taking over. Edward and I cracked jokes that Jasper just wanted a chance to rub up against all the girls, but he was pretty serious. He showed the girls how to take down attackers twice their size with two fingers and how to turn everyday shit, like your car keys, into weapons. He even insisted that we never jog alone on campus, encouraging us to pair off with workout buddies then volunteering to be mine. By the end of the class, every girl was crushing on him, including me.

Jasper is the oldest brother to three sisters, and I think he kind of sees me like another one of his little sisters, which is sweet and fucking humiliating at the same time. He is gorgeous, charming, and a great guy all around. He is also an incorrigible flirt. I swear he knows I'm attracted to him, and he gets off on flirting with me until I'm completely flustered. I know he isn't being serious about it. He sees me as friend, like Edward. Jasper could have any girl he wants and often does, and it's very obvious he is way out of my league.

On paper, Jasper is an art major, though his real major is hockey. 'Slapshot Whitlock' is the Badgers' star player, and everyone at UW worships the ground he walks on. No matter where he goes on campus, some dumb ass is calling out that stupid nickname and giving him a high-five. Jasper takes it all in stride, accepting the attention with a bright smile and shrugging off the praise with irresistible Texas charm.

Of course, that only makes people crazier for him. Not that I blame them - he has the kind of story that begs to be written. His grandfather moved to the states from Alberta, Canada shortly after Jasper's mother was born. When she had little Jasper, Grandpa Roberts bought him skates and a stick and drove ten miles to the nearest indoor rink every Sunday after church. At the age of six it was obvious to everyone that Jasper was a natural. Edward showed me the home movies that Jasper's mother sent him last year. We use them to embarrass Jasper when he's being an ass about doing his chores.

I don't know much about hockey, but even I am blown away when I see him in action. It's not surprising that the Canadian league has been courting him since high school, but he's hell bent on finishing college before he goes pro, if he does at all. He's a really talented artist, and sometimes it seems like that is where his passion lies.

No matter how much schoolwork he has or how late he stays at practice, Jasper never fails to paint every night. His room is his studio with a tiny corner reserved for his bed. The rest is filled with easels and painting supplies, or at least the stuff that isn't scattered all over the bathroom. He has tried to keep that mess contained after Edward tripped over a bucket of brushes in the shower, and cut his forehead on the glass door.

I don't mind the paint splattered on the floor or finding crusty brushes in the bathroom sink. It's worth it, because his paintings are breathtaking. He creates these intricate designs, and at first, they look like a jumble of unassociated images. A woman with a flower in her hair. A wrinkled hand holding a seed. An infant cradled in the center of a rose. Then when you stand back and look at them flow together, and... _feel_ , well, usually I'm unsure of what exactly I feel. Mostly, I want to cry or just stare at it for hours.

I try to not bug him too much with poking around the piles of completed paintings that are stacked in his closet. Though if given the chance, I would spend a week there just staring at all of them. He is an incredible artist, which is why I asked him to design my first tattoo.

"You're going to regret it; I promise you," Edward groans, cradling the empty vodka bottle in his arms while draping his lanky body over his side of the couch.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, sweetheart," Jasper chuckles behind me, tossing a crumpled piece of paper over my head and hitting Edward's temple.

Edward barely flinches as the paper ball rolls over his face and drops to the floor. He is so drunk he can barely keep his eyes open, but he is still trying to talk me out of getting a tattoo. Sometimes he can be too fucking sensible. Jasper often teases him about it, calling him Mister Sensible. Edward just rolls his eyes and continues to lecture us.

It's silly and pointless to try and stop me - when I want to do something, even if it's stupid, I do it. I spent too many years doing what I was told, and I'm not wasting another day on that, at least not when it comes to silly shit like tattoos. Besides, Edward talks a tough game, but he changes his look all the time. Sure, he doesn't have tattoos, but he has four piercings on his face alone.

Edward says he got both of his ears pierced in high school. Jasper claims he convinced Edward to get the tongue bar. Apparently he has other piercings, but neither of the guys will confirm where the mystery piercings are located. What I do know is, when Edward wears thin t-shirts the circular shape of his nipple rings is unmistakable.

"A tattoo is so _permanent_ ," Edward speaks again after a few long minutes of silence, further convincing me he was halfway to passing out.

"Yeah, cause piercing your dick isn't permanent, Mister Sensible," Jasper counters, getting up from his chair and grabbing my empty cup from the floor.

"I knew it!" I jump up from the couch to point an accusing finger at Edward and slam into Jasper sending us tumbling to the floor.

Jasper is lying on his back, both our empty drink cups in his hands, and a look of amused shock on his face. I'm sprawled over his lower body, my face hovering right above his stomach where his shirt is riding up. I can see the soft, dark-gold hair that circles his belly button and disappears beneath his belt buckle.

"Whoops," is all I can manage to say as I stare at the giant red rooster on his belt buckle.

"I do declare, you look positively radiant when you blush, Miss Clearwater," Jasper rasps in a low, sultry southern accent that makes me think of hoop-skirts and iced tea.

One thing that hasn't changed much is that I still get completely flustered when Jasper turns his attentions on me, but I've learned to cope. Okay, I'm totally full of shit. My coping is just a sad bag of awkward tactics, encouraging him to tease me more. It's like he is flirting with me because he knows how much I like him, but I know it isn't true. Jasper flirts with _everyone_ , even Edward. It's just part of his personality and charm.

Most of the time I laugh at Jasper's flirty comments like they're a big joke, or I just ignore them all together. In my weaker moments, when I'm tempted to jump on him and fuck his brains out, I use Edward as a shield. I will run to Edward and play like I'm madly in love with him. Edward plays along, and melodramatically claims he shall not take my virtue until we are properly wed. Usually, this makes Jasper groan and leave the room. Lately, he has taken to staying and playing it out with us. Trying to woo me away from Edward, or even worse, he jokingly suggests we have a threesome. Both Edward and I usually share an eye roll and leave the room when that comes up. Please note: that most of this happens after we've consumed a considerable amount of alcohol. We are _not_ theater majors.

When I'm really desperate and Jasper is laying it on thick, which usually involves his accent, I think he knows what it does to me, specifically what it does to my "lady parts," as my grandmother calls them. I swear all it takes is a long twangy vowel slide from between his lips, and I'm fucking wet. It is so embarrassing that I usually panic and run over to smash my face into Edward's chest like a little kid hiding from the boogieman.

I do it so often it's become my trademark move. Edward has even named it. _"Oh look, Leah's assumed the crash position."_

Lame, I know, but it's better than humping Jasper's leg like a horny dog. I just don't have the verbal skills to spar with him, which is pretty sad since I'm an English major.

"Someone tell Rhett Butler he lost the fucking war," Edward comments and immediately snorts at his own joke.

I immediately dissolve into giggles and quickly roll off of Jasper. Without thinking, I run over and jump on top of Edward, seeking his comfort and hoping that the color has faded from my cheeks. He grunts at the impact, his eyes flying open to fix on me. He smiles and flops an arm around my shoulders, pulling me into his body.

"I do assure you that the South will rise again," Jasper says, as he gets to his feet and playfully knocks Edward on the top of his head with one of the cups.

"Ouch," Edward mumbles like a pouty child, tightening his hold around me.

"Choking me," I gasp, pulling his arm from around my throat and sitting up.

"Where you going?" Edward mumbles softly, his eyes are already closed and his breathing is visibly slowing down.

"Shhh. Rest sleepy boy," I mutter, leaning over to kiss his temple. He nuzzles his nose into my neck in return.

He mumbles something, but I can't make it out. It's fucking adorable and part of me wants to snuggle back into his arms, but slamming of the cabinets in the kitchen brings me back to reality quick. Edward's practically snoring next me, which leaves me all alone with Jasper. _Shit!_ It's ridiculous that I'm this freaked about being alone with someone whom I consider a close friend, but I can't help it. I really like Jasper, and I know he doesn't feel the same about me. I'm not about to let him know how I feel, but it's difficult, because, Jesus Christ on a cracker, does he make it hard not to turn into a drooling puddle at his feet.

I see other girls do it all the time, and it is fucking annoying. Every time we go out, Jasper gets swarmed by these brainless, panting groupies that fawn all over him. Edward calls them Hockey Hoochies, and he even created a whole game where we rate them. Scores are based on lack of clothing, excessive giggling at Jasper's lame jokes, and cliché tattoos. They get double points for spray-on tans and belly button rings.

The prizewinner last quarter was Harmony Kendall. She wears pink, almost exclusively, has a butterfly tattoo on her lower back, two belly button rings, and speaks in text message abbreviations. I didn't believe people could actual say "OMG" out loud and mean it seriously until I witnessed it live.

It's annoying to see girls, who must've been at least marginally intelligent enough to get into college turn into these giggling, inarticulate airheads just because Jasper gives them a wink and calls the darlin'. Ugh! I fucking hate that shit.

I can handle him calling me sweetness and honey, because he uses those on Edward too. But darlin'… no way. Jasper only says it when he's trying to hook up with dumb tramps at that bar. He purposefully exaggerates his accent when he says it and ends up sounding like some ridiculous stereotype of a southern jackass. It drives me nuts, because it's not him, not the real him anyway.

He has only ever used it with me once. I can still remember Edward nearly choking on his food, while he laughed at Jasper's expression of shock after I slammed my steak knife into the table so hard that it stuck two inches deep in the wood. I couldn't help myself. I was just so angry. I thought he was treating me like one of those bar girls, and it really hurt my feelings. It's bad enough he sleeps with those brainless bimbos. I would not stand for him categorizing me with them.

Thank god for house rules. Edward and Jasper agreed upon rules last year, when they were roommates. Like, no overnight guests (AKA booty calls). Edward explained that this prevents awkward morning-after conversations, and we don't have to worry about being kept up all night with the sounds of each other humping. Not that I have anyone to bring home, but I like that rule, mostly because it means I don't have to see the skanks Jasper fucks.

"Leah, I need your help," Jasper's voice jolts me from my thoughts, dragging me back to the uncomfortable reality of being alone with him.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. After a second, I finally open them and stand up. As I walk around the side of the couch, Edward shifts a little and lets out a little whimpered snore. I stop and comb my fingers through his messy hair. We just cut it a few weeks ago, and it's already turning into a shaggy mess.

"Stop mooning over Sleeping Beauty and get in here, girl," Jasper calls again from the kitchen.

I reluctantly pull my hand out of Edward's hair and turn to face Jasper on my own.


	2. Chapter 2

Jasper stares at me over the breakfast bar and shakes his head. His trademark smirk is in place, making me tremble a little. _Get a grip, Clearwater!_ I straighten my back and flip him off. His eyes widen for a second, and then he laughs, making a show of applauding me.

"What do you want?" I stomp into the kitchen, crossing my arms over my chest and glare at him.

"I need you to muddle," he says, pointing at the glasses he has set up on the counter.

"What are we making?" I sigh heavily and walk over to survey the glasses.

"Mojitos," he replies.

"Just the thing to warm us up," I reply in a sarcastic tone, picking up the weird wooden bat thing that Edward refers to as a muddler.

_Where do people come up with these names?_

"Says the girl in Daisy Dukes," Jasper counters, bumping my hip with his and making me even more aware of how close we were standing to each other.

"It's laundry day," I say, sounding way whinier than I intend.

I force myself to shut my mouth before saying anything more. I'll just end up sounding whiny and defensive. I'm wearing a ragged pair of cut off shorts that I made from one of Edward's ripped pair of jeans and one of Jasper's old flannel shirts. This is not lingerie. I start to jam muddler into one of the glasses to crush the ice, but Jasper quickly stops me.

"Whoa, we need to put the mint in first," he says, stopping me with a hand on my waist and setting down a small bundle of mint next to the glasses.

"Oh, okay," I mumble, not looking at him as I start to put the mint in the glasses.

He disappears from my side and makes some odd noises behind me. I grip the glasses firmly, while I smash the mint into the ice and try to figure out how I can escape. Even though some part of my brain is rerunning how it felt for him to touch my waist, and I'm wishing he would do it again.

"So do you have an idea of what you want this tattoo to look like?" Jasper catches me off guard.

My hand slips a little, and knocks over one of the glasses. I scramble to pick it back up, before the ice and mint fall out. By the time I have it righted, my pulse is racing.

"It's nothing special," I mumble, my mind furiously trying to think of something to say.

"If it's not special, what's the point of getting it as a tattoo?" he counters, leaning over my shoulder and dropping slices of lime into the glasses.

"I guess you have a point," I reply, looking into his bright blue eyes. My chest feels tight.

"Of course I do," he says with a wink, turning back to the refrigerator.

I'm not prepared to deal with this on my own. I close my eyes and try to figure out how to explain to Jasper that I want one of his paintings as my first tattoo. He is going to want to know why, and I can't answer that without making a complete fool of myself. My original plan was to get Edward to suggest it, because he knows which one of Jasper's paintings is my favorite.

The first time I saw it, Edward and I had been up late "studying," which was totally a lie. Sure, we started studying – working on my paper about the impact of Dickens's work on our modern perceptions of the industrial revolution. Sounds riveting, doesn't it? I'd edited and redrafted it about a dozen times. Edward was trying to reassure me that it looked fine, but I was still worried. So, he tried to distract me with a drinking game.

He would give me a literary quote, and if I couldn't figure out who said it, I had to do a shot. If I guessed them right he would do a shot. Needless to say, I was shit-faced real quick. Edward may be a culinary arts student, but he is also a fucking genius. He reads about a book a day and on all kinds of subjects from the French Revolution to _Lady Chatterley's Lover_. No shit, I found a well-worn paperback copy of that tucked into the bottom of his bookshelf. He admitted he'd stolen it from the library when he was in middle school, because he was curious about sex.

I could make fun of him all I want, because when it came to literature, mathematics and everything else, Edward ran circles around me. So, there we were, shot glasses in hand, and Edward had just trumped me again with a quote from Dickens. That was just embarrassing since I had just written an extensive paper on his shit, but I couldn't remember every line from the books.

" _Motherfucking Dickens!" I growled and tipped up my shot glass._

_My hand slipped, and tequila poured down the side of my face, spilling over my chest. I jumped up and immediately tore off my shirt, but the liquor had already seeped through into my bra._

" _Whoa, Gypsy Rose!" Edward cried, covering his face and laughing._

" _Whatever, Sister Mary Katherine, I seriously doubt my size B tits are gonna soil your virtue," I teased and climbed over the back of the couch._

_Jasper left a basket of his clean clothes on the kitchen table in a passive maneuver to annoy Edward and me into folding them for him. It never worked on me, but Edward always crumbled eventually. I am so thankful I'm not OCD about that kind of crap. Jasper's underwear can sit on the kitchen table forever for all I care, as long as they aren't dirty._

_I rifled through the piles of soft cotton boxers and t-shirts, enjoying how they smelled like dryer sheets with a hint of Jasper. I finally found a paint splattered flannel shirt and pulled it out. He could spare this one for sure, I thought as I put it on and buttoned it up. I quickly unfastened my bra, worked it off my arms and out of one of my sleeves._

" _That's impressive," Edward commented while applauding me._

_I turned to glare at him. "How long have you been watching?_

" _Long enough to know that you need to shave your armpits," he said with a wink and chuckle._

_I was about to dive over the couch and attack him when the front door swung open. Jasper swore as he strode into the room, dropping his bag and tossing his keys on top of it. Edward and I watched him, but said nothing while he unzipped his leather jacket and let it fall to the floor._

" _I need to get the stink of this cheap perfume off me," he grumbled and walked off toward the bathroom._

" _Nice to see you too," Edward called after him._

" _Someone's booty call didn't go so great, I guess," I remarked, and I rolled over the back of the couch to land on top of_ _Edward_ _._

" _Let's hope that's the end of that bubble-headed bitch," Edward sighed heavily._

_He hated Harmony as much as I did, and for a while, we were both concerned Jasper was getting serious about her as much as they were hanging out. I got really worried when I overheard her referring to him as her boyfriend at the hockey game, while she was standing with some of her friends by the concessions stand. After debating about whether I should say anything to Jasper, I chickened out and told Edward instead. He immediately marched into Jasper's room and told him. Jasper left a few minutes later._

" _Don't worry; the bubble-headed bitch is done," Jasper yelled down the hallway and then slammed the bathroom door._

_Edward and I sat in silence, until the water for the shower shut off. A few minutes later we heard the bathroom door open and Jasper's bedroom door slam closed. Guilt bubbled up inside me. Not that I felt bad that he had dumped that waste of flesh, but that he seemed so upset about it._

" _Let's go check on him." Edward grabbed my hand and pulled me off the couch._

_We stood in front of Jasper's door, but I didn't move to knock until Edward was done pressing his ear to the wood. After a minute, he nodded and we both began knocking like crazy. Just like he and Jasper do when I'm taking too long in the bathroom._

" _Jasper," we both crooned together, sounding horribly off key._

_It took less then a minute for Jasper to yank the door open and glare at us both. His damp hair was a dark gold mess, his eyes looked bloodshot, and his trademark smirk was nowhere in sight. My guilt kicked up a notch, despite the fact that the sight of his bare, slightly damp chest was making me feel a little feverish._

" _You both are an offense to decent, god-fearing folk everywhere," Jasper drawled, stepping back to let us into his room._

" _Whee!" I ran into the room and threw myself on his bed like a drunken moron._

_Half a second later, Edward landed on top of me. I grunted at the impact and tried to dig his elbow out of my ribs._

" _That's gonna leave a mark," I mumbled._

" _Sorry," Edward giggled, while we shuffled around to get comfortable._

_He ended up lying against the wall behind me, one arm thrown over my hip and his chin resting on the top of my head. I didn't mind that he was using me as a chin rest - he was comfy to cuddle with, especially when I needed someone to keep me from crawling over to lick Jasper's bare chest._

" _Can you two manage to keep it down to a dull roar while I work on this?" Jasper spoke without turning around, the muscles of his back flexing as he shifted his weight from one foot to the other._

" _As quiet as church mice, scouts honor," Edward said, raising up three fingers._

" _Yeah," I chimed in._

_Jasper walked over to his desk that was overflowing with CDs and books. He pressed the front of his iPod, and the room filled with a low, mournful sound of a woman singing about lost love. I settled into Edward's warm embrace and watched Jasper walk back to stand in front a blank canvas._

_I woke up to a tickling sensation on my nose. In my groggy haze of sleep I slapped at it a couple times, but it kept coming back. Finally, I opened my eyes to see Jasper's smiling face._

" _Hey, sleepy girl," he whispered, pulling back the dry paintbrush that he'd been using to tickle my face._

" _What's up?" I yawned and sat up a little bit._

" _Just need you to make some room for me," he replied, leaning back on his heels and setting the dry paintbrush on the floor._

" _Oh, okay," I replied, still confused and foggy from sleep._

_I scooted back and ran into a warm lump. Edward grumbled and draped half of his body over me. Jasper reached over us and grabbed the edge of his worn, faded comforter. He drew it over Edward and me before sliding in on the slim bit of mattress left for him. I tried to make myself smaller and not moan as he shifted against me, trying to get comfortable. The entire length of his body was pressed against mine, and it was making me dizzy._

" _I can just go to my room if it's too crowded," I blurted out and tried to sit up, but the weight of Edward's body kept me pinned down._

" _Nonsense, there's plenty of room, beautiful," Jasper whispered and snaked one arm under the pillows, while the other slid around my waist._

_One more movement drew him right into my body, leaving only a tiny space between our faces and forcing me to close my eyes before they started crossing from his proximity. His forehead pressed against mine, and he let out a long sigh._

" _Good night, Leah," he said, his breath brushing over my mouth while his fingers traced little circles on my back._

" _Night John boy," Edward mumbled behind me, pressing his body closer to my back._

_I immediately laughed, unable to control myself. Jasper shushed me and slapped Edward's chest._

" _Sleep, both of you," Jasper commanded._

_I lay there for what seemed like years, unable to relax. The feel of Jasper, and even Edward, pressed against me was making me hyperaware of my body. I finally opened my eyes to see Jasper's face. His eyes were closed, and his expression was so peaceful I felt my own body relax in response. I let out a quiet exhale and let the last of the tension leave my body._

_It was just as I was about to close my eyes that I caught sight of the canvas at the other side of the room. At first the painting looked like a swirl of chaotic colors, but as my eyes focused in the dim light of the room I realized that the colors were on the outer edges of the painting. Scattered around the edges of the frame were countless bits of color that resembled shattered bits of glass. At the center of all the mayhem sat a glass jar. The jar was tinted a light grayish-blue that made me think of the ocean, and at first, it looked empty. As I studied it longer I saw two bits of color inside of it. They looked like marbles, but they were heart-shaped. One was a sparkling emerald green, like a jewel. The other was a creamy brown, almost like a chocolate candy. They sat together, the green one leaning on the brown._

_As I stared at them I felt warm, or maybe it was Jasper and Edward making me warm. I was sleepy and unsure, but I knew I liked the painting. Though it felt like it was missing something, maybe one more heart, to balance the other two._

" _Go to sleep, Leah," Jasper groaned, his hand covering my eyes and pressing against my face long enough to leave me with the scent of acrylic paint stinging my nose._

" _Fine," I sighed and closed my eyes, but I could still see the image in my mind._

That's the image, of three hearts leaning against each other, I want for my tattoo. The problem is, I know I'm going to have to explain why I want it, and that will be embarrassing. It's silly. It should be easy to just say that it reminds me of all three of us – of the fun times and our friendship – that's the truth, but it wasn't all of it. Not that I could actually articulate this odd feeling that's making my throat tighten at the thought of my friendship and life with these guys. It's like they opened up my world and showed me a new way of seeing myself. I've always been stubborn and opinionated. I talk like a trucker, never back down from a fight and often got in trouble for my attitude.

All my life I was taught that my behavior was wrong, that I was messed up for being like this, until I met Edward and Jasper. Not only do they love my attitude, but they both encourage me to yell and talk shit to people at hockey games or at the bar. Jasper always jokes about how he wants me to take up boxing and Edward even forced me to confront my English professor about the score I got on my last report. I didn't get him to change the grade, but it felt good to defend myself and my work like that. I've always been used to being told I was wrong, too loud and too bitchy. It was a revelation to be told that I was right and I had a right to fight for myself. They have been so good to me, too good. It makes me feel special and a little spoiled.

When I tried to explain it to Edward, I felt overwhelmed with the emotions it brought up inside me. Tears sprang up in my eyes, and I began to stutter like an idiot. He finally pulled me into a hug and told me he understood. "I feel the same way," he whispered against my hair and kissed my temple. Despite his comforting words I felt stupid and self-conscious.

If I can't explain it to Edward without turning into an emotional mess, there was no hope of not humiliating myself in front of Jasper, especially considering my intense attraction to him. He'll give me that sexy, Southern smile while calling me beautiful, and I'll turn into a sobbing, blushing mess.

"Wake up," Jasper says and slaps my ass hard.

I yelp and swing around to try to hit him with the muddler, but he dives out of the way. He laughs and snatches the muddler from my hand. _Shit!_ I turn to run, and make it to the refrigerator, thinking I can find something to get back at him with, maybe ice cubes.

"Get back here, devil woman!" Jasper laughs and chases after me.

I manage to get the freezer door open, but he is on top of me before I can get the ice. His hands wrap around my waist, lifting me off the ground, and he hauls me over to the sink. I start to scream and flail, while he reaches for the faucet.

"Mercy!" I plead, because I don't think I can deal with being wet in front of him.

It's hard enough being pressed up against his body. He sets me on my feet, sliding his hands down to my waist before slowly pulling them away. I'm able to catch my breath and turn around to thank him, but my smile quickly fades when I see the strange look on his face. It's like he's trying to figure out something. I don't know what it means, but it makes me nervous. I try to move around him, but his arm shoots out to block me.

"How 'bout you show me where you wanna get this tattoo?" Jasper looks at me through a curtain of sun-bleached blond curls, his eyebrow arched in a challenge, and the corner of his mouth pulled up in a smirk.

"Sure," I say with a shrug and turn my back to him.

Once he can't see my face, my eyes go wide, and I bite my lip hard to keep from fainting. I should have never agreed to do shots with Edward, and now that fucker is passed out on the couch. There's no one here to help distract Jasper while I sneak into my room to work off some of the effects of his trademark flirting.

"I'm waiting, Clearwater." His voice is low and teasing.

"Hold on." I try to sound causal, while my fingers fumble with the buttons of my shirt.

Okay, technically it's Jasper's shirt, whatever. It's comfortable, and it smells like him. I'm a stalker-y freak, I know. I finally manage to get the top two buttons undone and slide the shirt down enough for him to see the back of my neck and shoulders.

"I want it here at the base of my neck or a little lower between my shoulders." I try to gather up my short hair to show him where I'm talking about and wish I didn't feel so nervous. My hands are shaking, for Christ's sake.

"Here," he says just as his hands press against the bare skin on the back of my neck, and the air goes out of me in whoosh.

He tightens his hand around my hair and gives a gently tug. Heat sears through me, making my thighs press together, and I'm even more aware of my damp crotch. I'm lightheaded, and my heart is racing.

"Thanks," I say in the most embarrassing, choking gasp.

"My pleasure, sweetness," Jasper chuckles, leaving one hand in my hair, while the other strokes the exposed skin of my neck.

There's something different about the way he is touching me. His normal friendly manner is gone. This feels...serious, purposeful, and fucking sexy. His thumb is rubbing a circle that I can almost feel burning through my skin into the muscle. For as long as I live I will never forget the feel of his touch; the confidence and heat is making me lightheaded.

His rough hand slides up and wrap around my shoulder, trapping my tense muscles in a death grip. I try to shrink away from him, groaning and cursing. Jasper's fist tightens around my hair, and he yanks my head back. My clit is practically throbbing at this point, which is crazy. I should be pissed, but something about this rough treatment is turning me on so much I can barely breathe.

"Tell me something, Lee," he whispers softly, his hot breath tickling my earlobe.

He smells sweet and woodsy, like cedar dipped in molasses. I know the sweet comes from all the Dr. Pepper and whisky he's been drinking tonight. Jasper is addicted to Dr. Pepper, drinks it like it's water. My mind can't focus enough to figure out where that woodsy smell is coming from.

"How much longer you gonna keep fucking with me?" His tongue draws a wet line down my neck.

"I don't-" My words are cut off by my gasp as his teeth sink into my shoulder, but they disappear quickly, leaving me flushed and disappointed.

"Don't got time for your lies," he growls and licks the tender skin where he bit me. "You been prancing around all night in _my_ shirt with no bra and these skin tight shorts..." He grabs my hip, and pulls me back into his body.

"Oh shit," I gasp, while Jasper rubs my ass. I can feel his cock through his jeans, and it's so hard I think it's going to leave a bruise on my ass cheek.

"Mmm..." he hums, rubbing his stubble covered chin along my back and sliding his hands over the front of my shirt, zeroing in on my hard nipples. "Is it me, or is it hot in here?"

I'm shaking like my body is a rupturing fault line, while Jasper takes his sweet time flicking open the buttons of _his_ shirt, one by one, until the fabric of the shirt falls open to expose my whole upper body. My back arches, smashing my ass into his dick and pressing my breast into his waiting hand.

"Jaz," I plead, my breath hitching as he drags his blunt nails over my collarbone and down the center of my chest, purposefully avoiding my breasts.

"That's right; it's your turn to beg, fucking tease," he growls in my ear, and it sets me off.

He, of all people, has no fucking right to call me a tease. When he walks around in ass-hugging boxer briefs and does push ups on the living room floor, while Edward and I are trying to study. Let's not even talk about the fact that he _always_ conveniently forgets to take a towel into the bathroom when he showers, so I have to watch him walk past my bedroom door buck-fucking-naked and dripping wet every god damn morning.

" _I'm_ not the fucking tease," I snarl and twist in his grip.

I'm pissed and ready to fight, but Jasper's just smiling like a smug prick. His hand falls from my hair and cups the side of my face. He looks so fucking pretty when he's laughing at me, his blue-gray eyes sparkling with mischief.

"So let's quit the fucking games, baby," he whispers, sliding his thumb over my bottom lip and leaning forward to kiss me.

Kiss is an understatement. Jasper's lips and tongue are weaving a fucking spell, licking, sucking, and stroking me into submission. He has got my bottom lip trapped between his teeth, and both his hands are on my ass, holding me up while I dry hump his brains out. I have a bare foot propped on the oven door handle, using it for leverage to rub myself over his bulging dick.

Jasper's fingers dig into my ass checks, giving me enough leverage to press my throbbing clit against his dick. Despite the double layers of denim it feels amazing and has me ready to come. Heat and tingling sparks of pleasure start to flutter through my belly, making me moan and pant. I've wanted this so badly, and I'm so horny that I'm beyond humiliation or self-consciousness.

"While this is very nice, sweetness, you're about to rub a hole in my dick with my zipper," he groans, lifting me away and setting me on my feet.

Once my feet hit the cold linoleum reality smacks me in the face. The florescent lights of the kitchen are bright and blinding. I pull my shirt closed and glance over my shoulder to check on Edward. His head is dangling off the arm of the couch, and he's snoring away. I feel an odd pang of guilt. I'm not sure why. Edward and I are just friends, kind of like Jasper and I were until a few minutes ago. Though, I'm not really sure what we are right now.

"Why so serious?" Jasper breathes along my neck, sending shivers through me. My knees are buckling, and I have to grip the edge of the sink to keep from falling over. I bite my lip to keep silent.

His hands slip into the top of my shorts and pop open the button with a flick of his fingers. The zipper parts, making room for his hands, and then it's Jasper's turn to gasp in my ear. I smile, despite the blush that's spreading across my face and down my chest.

"Shaved," he says it with hints of wonder and awe. "Now, I know why you take forever in the bathroom."

I would laugh if I weren't about to swallow my tongue or if Jasper's fingers weren't slowly sliding my shorts off my hips. I'm so turned on my eyes want to cross, but my mind is suddenly filled with memories of he and Edward singing stupid songs outside of the bathroom door to get me to finish up quicker. It makes me think of Edward only a few feet away, and it fills me with guilt again, though I'm still not sure why.

"Wait," I hiss, putting my hands over his and trying to tug them back up.

"You chickening out on me?" He grabs my chin and tilts my head toward his face, so I can look him in the eye.

Jasper arches his eyebrow, staring at me with those fucking soulful eyes, making me feel about ten inches tall. It's the same look he makes when Edward talks about giving into his father and switching majors. He looks oddly older and wiser, like he knows things that you can't even comprehend and can see right into me. I never thought of this look as sexy, but it feels like he's fucking me with his eyes.

_Jesus fucking Christ!_

"No," I insist, swallowing a sizable lump in my throat.

Jasper smiles and pushes my hands away then shoves my shorts down my legs. I hold onto the counter to brace myself and step out of my shorts. He taps my inner thigh and nudges my legs apart to slide his fingers between my legs. He is rubbing roughly over my clit and teasing my inner lips, but it's his words that have me ready to come.

"You're so fucking wet. Is this all for me, baby?" He nips my shoulder and slowly slides a single finger inside of me. "So small, I wonder if this little hungry pussy has room for all of me."

He emphasizes his words by pressing his dick hard against my ass and running his finger around the entrance of my pussy. I can't stop the low moan that comes out of me or the way I push down against his finger, urging him to go deeper. Jasper hums again, cupping my breast with his free hand and cruelly pinching my nipple.

"Looks like you want me so bad you're about to beg for it," he says with a soft chuckle as he pulls his finger out of me.

I let out a grunt of protest and try to twist around, but he keeps me pinned in place with his body. He raises his glistening fingers to trace lazy patterns on my breast, pointedly avoiding my hard, aching nipple. He turns me slightly, allowing me to watch his soft lips cover my nipple. He sucks hard and twists his tongue around for a few minutes before he finally lets my breast almost slip all the way from his mouth. At the last minute, he catches my nipple and traps it between his teeth. He smiles like a shark around my hot, over-stimulated flesh and flicks it with his tongue. I whimper, arching back, and thread my fingers into his tangled hair.

"Just fuck me already!" I demand, twisting my fingers in his hair until it hurts him, and he finally releases my nipple.

"Sweet talker," he chuckles, prying my fingers from his hair to place a chaste kiss on my knuckles.

I try to cover myself as best as I can with his shirt, while we walk through the living room. Edward is curled up on the couch still sleeping. I return my eyes to Jasper before I can have that same weird guilty feeling. Jasper tugs me down the hall to his room.

Jasper's door slams behind me, and he lets go of my wrist. I stand, naked except for his shirt, wet, throbbing, and completely fucking flustered in the middle of his room. It's dark with the exception of the twinkling white and blue Christmas lights that Edward and I put up as a gift last week.

I watch Jasper's back as he rifles through a drawer in his dresser, and I wonder if I've really thought this whole thing through. I mean, sure, I've wanted Jasper since I walked through the door my first day, but a lot has happened since then. We're friends, and I don't even know if he's really interested in anything more than a friends with benefits kind of situation. Hell, I'm not sure I want more, especially after my last serious relationship.

"You sure you're not havin' second thoughts?" The honest concern in Jasper's voice makes me stop thinking and look him in the face.

I try to smile but end up with a grimace and an uneasy shrug. _Why am I so nervous?_ He approaches me with a condom in his hand and a frown on his face. He looks so different - his usual cocky smirk is replaced by a worried, maybe even a little apprehensive, expression. His genuine concern is making me feel like a stupid little girl, and it kind of pisses me off.

I'm not some shy, little virgin, and I sure as fuck am not one of his bubble-brained hoochies. There isn't a _Handle with Care_ sign painted on my forehead. And, okay, it's been six long months since I've been laid, but I know how it's done. I'm a strong, self-confident, modern woman. I can handle casual sex, if that's what this is.

"Just thinking too much," I say, shaking my head, and reach out to touch his chest.

His t-shirt is warm and tight. I grip it and tug him closer. In an instant his flirty smile is back in place, and I feel like I can breathe again. Yeah, I can do casual, if it's with Jasper. He maybe a cocky, manwhore, but he is also one of my best friends. I trust him to watch my back and to take care of me when I've had to much to drink. It's not that much further to trust that we won't treat me like a cheap slut...unless I want him too.

"We can't have any of that, now can we?" he sighs, looking relieved and carefully pushes his shirt off my shoulders, leaving me completely naked in his arms.

"That's a pretty smooth move, Mister Whitlock," I comment with a happy sigh and look up at him, all the tension gone from my body.

"You can expect nothing less from me, Miss Clearwater." He gives me a little wink and presses his lips to mine.

Fuck, the way Jasper kisses is making my eyes roll in the back of my head. He focuses on my upper lip first, sucking it into his mouth and teasing it with his teeth. Then he moves to my lower lip and sucks it like it's a dick. When he finally slips his tongue in my mouth, it feels like he's fucking me already.

"I need to taste that pussy again," he gasps, pulling back, but giving me a gentle nip on the chin before he goes down on his knees.

Jasper smoothes his hands up the outsides of my thighs and across my hips to just below my belly button, completely avoiding my damp and aching pussy. I groan, which only makes him smile. He works his way back down to slide his hands between my legs, urging them apart. I have to place a hand on his head to maintain my balance. Before I'm ready, I feel his tongue lick a line from back to front, making me nearly fall forward.

"Hold on to me!" he announces, taking hold of my inner thighs and lifting me off the ground.

I fight the urge to scream, while I grip his hair with all my strength. My back hits the wall, knocking the wind out of me, while he pushes my legs up and out, opening me up for him. It's insane and so fucking hot. He's got me pinned against the wall - I couldn't move if I wanted, but fuck I don't want to do anything but this forever. Jasper sucks at my lips and then slides his tongue into me to fuck me deep, while he rubs his nose against my throbbing clit. I'm gasping, moaning, and writhing while he licks me.

I'm so close, my hips are thrusting into his face, and I've pulled out some of his hair. He doesn't seem to care much, judging by the smile I see on his face when he pulls back to look up at me.

"Are you close?" He rubs his stubbly chin slowly around my pussy, coming dangerously close to my clit.

I nod, slipping my hands between us to rub my clit a little. He bites my fingers hard, and I yelp, pulling them away; he quickly licks them in apology.

"No cheating," he murmurs against my bruised knuckle and places a soft kiss on it. "I want you to come in my mouth."

"Hurry," I pant, gently pushing his mouth back toward my pussy.

"Tell me when you're gonna come, okay?" He doesn't wait for me to agree before returning his mouth to work on me.

He lets my legs drape over his shoulders and gets his fingers involved. Two fingers slide into me, pumping at a ruthless pace.

"Fuck," I say, in a long strangled moan as my body starts to burn with that familiar first spark of my orgasm. "I'm going to fucking come!"

Jasper speeds up his movements and sucks my clit into his mouth so hard it stings. I scream and slam my head back against the wall, riding my explosive orgasm in body jerking wave after wave. Jasper slowly drags his tongue over me, lapping at me and hungrily sucking on his fingers. My leg starts to cramp, and I taste the metallic tang of blood in my mouth.

_Shit, I bit my tongue!_

"Jesus, Mary and Joseph, woman, are you okay?" Jasper laughs, gently lowering me to his bed.

"I once was blind, but now I can fucking see." I sigh like a fat and sassy cat.

"Well, amen to that," he chuckles, and covers my mouth in a slow, sensual kiss.

I can taste myself on his tongue, and I suck it into my mouth with greedy glee. He tastes like a mingling of us both, sweet and musky. Jasper moans and draws his hands down the sides of my body, while he pulls back to look down at me. That strange expression is back, and I start to feel self-conscious again.

_What is wrong with me?_

"I'd love to be all sweet afterward…" His smirk spreads across his lips as he pulls a condom out of his pocket. "But I'm going to go insane if I don't get inside you right now."

My hips involuntarily jerk forward at his confession. _Fuck! Jasper wants me._ Not just anybody, but Jasper. The realization is making me lightheaded as I watch him unzip his jeans. I can see the head of his cock peek from the opening in his boxers. It's dark red and shiny at the tip. I reach up and gently rub my fingertip over his head.

"Shit!" he growls, grabbing my wrist and pushing my hand away. "No more fucking with me, Lee."

"I thought that fucking was what we were here to do," I challenge him, rising up on my knees to take the condom from his fingers.

I tear open the foil, pull out the condom and say a silent prayer of thanks that it's not pre-lubricated. Back in high school my best friend, who was gay as a three-dollar bill. One time when we were drunk he taught me a little party trick involving a banana and a condom. It was his way of breaking the ice and ensuring that his dates wouldn't argue with him about using a condom.

I make a show of slipping the condom between my lips, as I slide my fingers inside the waistband of his boxers. With a sharp tug, I pull them down to reveal his hard dick.

"Lord have mercy!" Jasper gasps, grabbing my shoulders to steady himself, and I smile around the condom.

I lower my mouth over the tip of his cock and carefully slide the condom on. Jasper sighs and combs his fingers through my hair. He is so wide that the corners of my mouth burn a little as I stretch to make room for him. I move my mouth over him a couple more times just to hear him gasp in time with my movements. My tongue teases the underside and tip of his head, while I cup his balls, gently rolling them between my fingers.

"Ease up, sweetness," he says, tugging on my hair, and I pull back, rising up to look at him. "Don't get me wrong, I would love to come all over those pretty lips... _later_."

I lick my lips to tease him a little, letting myself enjoy how easily I can turn him on. He growls and grabs me, pulling me into another hard kiss. His tongue thrusts into my mouth and tangles with mine. After sucking on my tongue for a long minute, he breaks the kiss and guides me back down to the bed. He turns me on my stomach and loops his arm around my waist to pull me up on my hands and knees.

"I need to be inside you," he confesses, running his mouth along my shoulder and scrapes his teeth over my skin, but it's the feel of his dick sliding over my damp pussy that makes me gasp. "That's right, you feel me, baby?"

He pushes in a little and I fell my body stretch. I stings a little, but he pulls back before it hurts. I pant and whimper. My body clenches, missing the feel of him.

"Fuck, even with as wet as you are it's going to be a tight fit," Jasper hisses, going back to rubbing his cock over me, bumping my clit a few times, making me moan. "I know, baby. Are you ready for me to try again?"

I nod, unable to talk, as I brace myself. He presses into me again, and I feel the burn that's almost too good. I press my face into the mattress and push back against him.

"Jesus, you're so fucking tight. I'm going to fucking come from just being inside you," he groans, his hands gripping my hips and pulling me back.

He sinks that last little bit, and I let out a grunt of pleasure at having him all the way in. I shift my legs to give me better balance. Jasper's nails dig into my hips, stopping me immediately.

"Don't move," he pleads, despite the slow rocking of his hips, and takes a deep breath. "I'm going to have to go fast and hard. You ready?"

"Yes," I moan and bite my lip.

Jasper slams his hips against my ass, sending my face sliding across the sheets and making my pussy convulse around him. My face is burning, but I don't bother to shift my position. I don't care if I get friction burns on my face, this feels to amazing to stop now. He's moving again, thrusting into me at a relentless pace. Each time he sinks into me, he grunts.

"So. Tight. Shit! Feels. So. Fucking. Good!" His hips beat against me, punctuating each word.

Each slap has me moaning and pushing back, begging for more. The pressure is building with every passing second as my body contracts around him. I press my mouth into the mattress to muffle the scream that tears from my throat.

"Holy Fucking Shit!" he curses, his rhythm becoming erratic as he continues to thrust into me.

I have nothing left. I'm gasping, inhaling cotton, and convulsing as warm pleasure washes through my entire body. It's unreal, bone-melting. Jasper jerks one more time and collapses onto the bed beside me. I shift my legs, as my hips protest, and lower myself down with a loud sigh.

"That was better than a stick in the eye," Jasper chuckles near my ear and wraps his arm around my waist, pulling me against his body.

"Fucker," I sigh half-heartedly and feign elbowing him in the ribs, which only makes him laugh harder.

"Yes, I fucked her, finally," he whispers against my ear and kisses along my neck. "And I came faster than a thirteen year old virgin."

I can't help but laugh out loud at that. He rolls me over to silence me with slow, soft kiss, his tongue sliding over mine. My eyes roll into the back of my head again, and I throw my leg over his hip, pulling him closer to me. He pulls back to look at me and opens his mouth to speak.

A loud slamming of a door makes us both look up and guilt floods through me. It's Edward; it has to be. He had to have heard us, and he is obviously pissed. I should have known he wouldn't stand for us breaking the first rule. While I wouldn't call this a booty call, he definitely had to listen to us fucking.

_Damn it!_

"He'll be fine," Jasper sighs, pulling me back down to the bed with him and brushing my hair from my face.

"Are you sure?" I stare at him in the twinkling colors, blue to white then back to blue.

"Yes," he reassures me.

I don't believe him, but I don't move either. Instead, I selfishly curl into his body and let him pull his blanket over us. Jasper kisses my forehead, whispers my name, and I force myself to relax. I close my eyes and try to focus on how good it feels to be in his arms, until I finally fall asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

"Hey," I say, tentatively inching my way out onto the fire escape where Edward has set up a makeshift smoking area.

He lowers his book of poetry – fucking Keats, of course – and eyes me through the thick lenses of his glasses. He has taken to wearing them more often than his contacts lately, which makes me sad. I don't know what it is about those big, black plastic frames that I don't like, but the sight of Edward in them immediately puts me on edge. He doesn't look like himself when he wears them. It's hard to see his wide, comforting eyes behind those thick lenses, and his eyebrows are always furrowed like he's confused. It makes him look like a little boy version of himself.

He finally acknowledges me with a nod, making his black and purple streaked hair hide his eyes further. The dye job, like the frequent eyeglass wearing, is a week ago – the day after Jasper and I had sex. I'm sure it's just another one of his phases; he is always trying out a new look every other week, but this feels personal. He knows how much I loved his natural color. It's an odd shade of auburn that looks like burning copper in the sunlight. Once, when we were drunk, I told him he looks like a god with a crown of fire, and Edward got this dumbstruck look I've never seen him have before. It was the first time I had ever rendered him speechless. The memory stings me little now.

I pull my sweater tight around my body as I step out onto the chilly cement and run over to the empty chair next to him. Edward sets down his book and takes a long drag off his clove cigarette before stubbing it out in the ceramic skull ashtray that Jasper gave him for Christmas.

He picks up a bottle of vodka from the ground and takes a swig of it. His mouth twists in a grimace as he swallows and offers me the bottle. I shake my head at first then quickly change my mind, accepting the bottle from his hand. The liquor smells like lighter fluid, but I force myself to choke down a mouthful, before handing it back.

"Go ahead. I know you want to ask," Edward says, setting down the bottle and lighting another cigarette.

The air fills with the smell of cinnamon and clove. I inhale deeply, loving the smell. It reminds me of all the times we used to sit out here, talking for hours. That feels like a million years ago. I sigh, feeling defeated and even colder, despite my sweater. The vodka roils in my stomach and makes it hard to open my mouth.

"Where is he?" I manage to speak around a bubble of disgust.

"Where do you think?" Edward grumbles, his cigarette waggling as he speaks.

It was a stupid question. I knew where Jasper was soon as I got home and saw he still wasn't here. He's at the same place he's been all week, and it makes me want to cry.

"Fucking Maria," I snarl, leaning over to grab the bottle of vodka and taking in another mouthful.

"Fucking Maria," Edward repeats after me and takes the bottle back. "Emmett came by to picked up his gear for practice right after you left for class. He said that Jasper was going to try to make it tonight, but there was no guarantee. Whatever the fuck that's supposed to mean."

Edward takes another gulp of vodka and scowls at the bottle. It seems strange that this would be the reason he's decided to start talking to me again after ignoring me all week. Not that I don't deserve it.

After that first night, Jasper and I spent almost every waking minute of the next day fucking and sleeping with occasional breaks to eat. I missed my classes, but I didn't care. I finally had Jasper. We were consumed with each other and the amazing sex.

I didn't think about asking what we were or even how to talk with Edward about what was happening. It all happened so fast, and I was so fucking happy.

_"Are you going to eat that?" I give Jasper my sweetest, sexiest smile and even batt my eyelashes for good measure._

It was so ridiculously not me; I never flirt or do girly shit like that, ever. Today was different; everything was different. I'm high on fantastic sex, and the way Jasper is looking at me. He lowers the slice of apple that he was about to eat, shakes his head, and gives a low chuckle.

"Why no, not at all," he replies, holding it out to me.

I rise up on my hands and knees and slowly crawl across his bed. He watches me with hooded eyes and a wide grin, while I bend my head down and take the apple from his fingers with my teeth. I can feel juice drip down my chin, so I lean back on my heels so it continues to run down my chest. He stares at me with a look on his face that sends chills through me. I've never really been that comfortable being nude, but something about the look in Jasper's eyes gives me the confidence to show off. In fact, for the first time in my life I am enjoying being watched.

When I'm done, I make a show of licking my lips and wiping the sticky trails of juice on my breasts. Jasper suddenly appears in front of me and slowly begins to clean me with long, slow strokes of his tongue. I laugh, giddy and drunk on his attention. He works his way up my chest to my neck and finally to my mouth. We kiss slowly; he seems to savor my mouth, like I'm a piece of fruit. I dig my fingers into his hair, wishing he wouldn't ever stop.

"Promise me we can be like this forever," Jasper whispers, his mouth still close to mine.

"Okay," is all I can manage.

There's a lump in my throat and my heart is about to beat out of my chest. I never dreamed he would say something like this to me and with so much intensity and sincerity. Deep down I know I wanted to hear it. I'm not just attracted to Jasper; I'm in love with him and have been for a long time.

_"Good," he laughs, looking a little shaken and kind of surprised. "I have wanted you for so long, and I plan to make up for lost time."_

I laugh with him, feeling a little breathless and shaken myself. Just as I open my mouth to tell him that I feel the same way, there's a loud knock on his door.

Edward!

The thought is like cold water being pouring over my head. I dive under Jasper's blanket to cover myself, while he gets up to answer the door.

"What's up, Ed?" I can hear Jasper's feigned causal tone.

"Maria's on the phone," Edward says with a sneer.

I can't resist peeking out from under the blanket. Edward is standing in the doorway with a look of rage on his face. He throws the cordless phone at Jasper, who catches it before it hits him in the face.

"Who's Maria?" I ask, feeling a little awkward but still curious.

"Shh," Jasper hisses at me over his shoulder as he holds the phone to his ear.

"Don't shush her!" Edward steps forward into Jasper's face. He was practically purple with rage.

"Maria?" Jasper ignores Edward and talks into the phone with a frown on his face. "No, I didn't get your email. No, Sugar, I don't think it's the best time for a visit...you're where? No, stay there. I'll come get you. It's no bother. Yes, me too. See you in a few."

He clicks off the phone, but he doesn't move or say anything else. Edward snatches the phone out of his hand and gives Jasper a questioning look but doesn't speak either. The silence is killing me. It feels like it's sucking all the air out of the room. Then Jasper finally speaks and shatters my fucking day dream.

"I have to go," Jasper sounds so guilty.

" _Of course you do," Edward groans, leaning his back against the doorframe and combing his fingers through his hair._

_Jasper turns to me, looking sad and frustrated._

" _You have to understand there's a lot of unfinished business between Maria and me," Jasper pleads._

_I nod, unable to meet his gaze._

" _Right, even though you broke off the engagement a year ago," Edward snaps, storming out of the room._

" _Edward," Jasper yells as he runs after Edward, leaving me alone and half-naked in his room._

_I gather my clothes as quickly as I can then run to my room, locking the door behind me._

_I can hear them arguing through the walls – Edward telling Jasper to run after his fiancé, and Jasper keeps telling him to lower his voice. I've never heard them fight like this before. Edward is furious, and Jasper sounds oddly apologetic. It makes me scared and sad. I want to cry._

_A little while later, Jasper knocks on my door. I stay curled in a ball on my bed, pretending like I'm not there, though he knows damn well I am. He tries to talk to me through the door, but I put my headphones on and pretend not to hear him promise to explain later. There is no need to explain. It all makes sense. They have history. I've heard it all before, and I don't want to hear it again._

"If it's any consolation, this isn't the first time this shit's happened, and it's almost a _guarantee_ that she won't stay," Edward says, taking another long drag off his cigarette and carefully rolling it between his fingers. "She came back around this time last year, got his hopes up, but she just wanted him to sign with the Toronto Maple Leafs. When he refused, she left again. All Maria wants is to be the wife of a pro hockey player."

"Then why the fuck is he with her?" I blurt out, jumping up from my chair to slam my palms against the railing where Edward is resting his feet.

"He loves her," he answers simply, shrugging like it's obvious.

The cement doesn't feel as cold as it did at first. A lazy winter wind sweeps up to blow my hair out of my face, but I know it's not cold air in my eyes that's making them sting. It's the reality of how I've fucked up yet again.

"Of course," I spat, wishing I could keep the tears from coming, but it's too late.

Story of my fucking life: Jasper loves his ex, Maria. Just like Sam, my ex, who loved _his_ ex, Emily. Emily, my cousin, who I never even saw enough to know that she and Sam were together. Emily is the beloved martyr of the family for taking off to be a missionary, of all things, in fucking Peru. All of which led Sam to conveniently to ask me out, declare his love for me and take my virginity all on the space of a few months. Then when Emily came back, Sam dumped me, just like Jasper dumped me for fucking _Maria_.

I don't realize Edward has moved until he wraps his arm around my shoulders and pulls me into his chest. He's so warm and solid I can't help but relax into his embrace. _This is what I need more than anything._ Edward knows about Sam. I told him the whole sordid story one drunken night while we lay in my bed. We were supposed to be studying, but we we're playing our take-a-shot-every-time-we-guess-a-wrong-answer game. I miss nights like those, and I miss the feel of being in Edward's arms.

"I'm sorry," I mumble into his chest and wrap my arms around his waist.

"For what?" he asks, leaning back to look down at me with a sad smile.

"Where should I start? The list is kind of long," I reply with a weak smile.

"You and Jasper were inevitable," he laughs softly, shaking his head and looking up at the sky. "Though I wish I'd have warned you of the possibility he'd flake. I just didn't want to believe it could happen again."

"I guess I deserve it," I grumble and press my cheek to his chest. "I never meant to hurt you like that. It wasn't fair, and I'm sorry."

"Stop," he sighs, his hands gently brushing through my hair. I press closer, loving the feel of him against me. "If you're going to apologize for anything, it should be for blowing out my eardrums with your screaming."

"Oh, God," I groan into his chest and shake my head.

We stand there for a long, silent moment, just holding each other. The wind dies down and it starts to feel a little warmer. Edward's arms tighten around me, pulling me closer and I hum softly. I can't help myself, I forgot how good this feels. Edward is my haven, my sanctuary. After my utter fuck up with Jasper, I need him more than ever.

"Leah," he sighs, sliding his hand around my face and forcing me to look at him.

He stares at me for a long, silent moment, a strange look on his face. I'm hoping he has forgiven me, because I can't afford to lose him too. Not after everything I've lost already. Then he lowers his head, closing the distance between us, and I hold my breath.

Edward presses his lips to mine in a slow tentative kiss that quickly deepens as I open my mouth to him. He groans softly at my invitation and sucks at my bottom lip. I should be pushing him away – this is Edward, my best friend. We shouldn't be kissing, not with what's going on, but it feels so good.

I lean into him, gripping the fabric of his shirt in my fist and ignoring all thoughts of Sam and Jasper. It's Edward that breaks the kiss and looks down at me. His green eyes are glittering behind the foggy lenses of his glasses. He's got that heartbreaking half smile on his face that's making me want to cry again.

"Edward, maybe we shouldn't." I make a weak attempt at protest.

Despite my words, I'm leaning into him more, enjoying how his whole body is wrapping around me. I feel safe and right and _loved_. This is what Edward has always done for me, only now it's different. Now, he is turning me on.

"This is about you and me, agreed?" He pushes my hair back and strokes me cheek with his thumb as he searches my face.

"You and me," I agree, bringing his hand to my lips and gently kissing his knuckles.

He smiles at me, but he still looks a little sad, kind of like I feel. I close my eyes, wanting to take away the sadness for both of us. I slide his thumb into my mouth, swirling my tongue over it. Edward groans again and closes his eyes. I suck him in a little deeper, enjoying how he swallows audibly, making his Adam's apple bob. Seeing Edward so affected by what I'm doing is so hot.

I pull his thumb from my mouth and slide my hand around the back of his neck to force him to look at my face rather than just my lips. "Do you want me?"

He looks shocked and amused at the same time. "I always have."

It's my turn to be shocked. Edward never once seemed interested in me other than as a friend. We've spent hours studying together, lying on the couch together, talking about everything. So many nights filled with my drunken confessions and his whispered poetry readings, so we wouldn't wake up Jasper. His experimental cooking and gentle teasing about how I was so unreasonable for loathing sweet potatoes. Not to mention the time we ran across the dorm parking lot in our underwear on a dare. I was so sure I knew him, but I honestly never saw this coming.

"Why didn't you say something?" Even as the words slip out I know the answer.

It's spelled out in his sad expression, but he answers me anyway. "Jasper."

There he is, again, wedged between us. I nod my head and take a deep breath, angry at myself for getting us in this situation. Even though there was no way for me to really know.

"Hey," Edward says, placing a finger under my chin, and makes me look at him. "You and me, remember?"

"Yeah, sorry," I apologize and try to smile.

"It's okay," he says, kissing the tip of my nose then leads us back inside.

Edward lets me into his room, closes the door, and walks me to his bed. The light in here is a warm gold color, from the cracked stained-glass Tiffany lamp that he found at a rummage sale over the summer. I take moment to look around his room. His old rusty office chair is pushed up to his desk, piles of dog-eared books litter the floor, and a worn afghan covers his bed. Everything in Edward's room is old, well used, and deeply loved.

I turn to face him and catch him taking his glasses off. My hand goes to his wrist to stop him, and he gives me a questioning look.

"Leave the glasses on," I say, giving him a flirty smile. "I want you to see me."

He smiles, putting them back on and steps closer to me. His hands take hold of my hips, and he pulls me close. My eyes flutter a little as our bodies align, and I feel him pressing against my hip.

"I see you, Leah. Even when my eyes are closed," he whispers against my lips and then kisses me.

I can feel my body weaken at his words, as much as from the movements of his tongue. His hands slide up my back, and he slowly backs us towards his bed. My calves hit the frame, and I gasp a little, breaking the kiss.

"You smooth talking motherfucker," I laugh and glance down at the bed.

"Fuck, I love it when you talk like that," he growls, rubbing his nose along my cheek and down my neck.

"Get me in bed, and I'll say it as many times as you want," I reply, basking in the feel of his lips skirting over my collarbone.

"What do you think I'm trying to do?" He chuckles and slowly pushes my cardigan sweater off my shoulders, letting it drop to the floor.

I pull off my t-shirt and sit down on the foot of the bed to take off my jeans. Edward kicks off his boots and yanks off his shirt, exposing his lean, pale chest. I keep watching him while I scoot backward toward the head of the bed and try to not giggle when he has to readjust his glasses.

His lean frame is more toned than I expected. Fine lines of definition cut down his chest and across his stomach, making him look strong and sexy. Two thin silver nipple rings glinting in the dim light. The sight of them makes me shiver and realize that I've never seen this much of Edward's bare skin before. He goes to work on his jeans then finally joins me on the bed, wearing only a pair of loose boxer shorts.

Before I can speak, he is kissing me again and pulling the afghan and blanket from beneath me. He lays me down, allowing us to slip under the covers.

"Aren't we the gallant gentleman?" I laugh and kiss his throat, enjoying the way it makes him moan.

"Can the sarcasm and get naked," Edward growls, smoothing his hands over my stomach and down to trace along the waistband of my underwear.

"You first," I say, giggling nervously, and mirror his hand by brushing my fingers along the elastic of his boxers shorts.

"All right," he groans softly, pressing his lips against my temple and blowing out a slow breath before shifting away from me.

I wait, my fingers tangling in to the afghan while my stomach flip-flops. _Why am I so freaking nervous? This is Edward; we're friends, hell, we're best friends._ I should be relaxed, not antsy, and jittery. Edward's back is to me, as he shimmies out of his boxers and drops them to the floor. He rolls over and pulls me back against his body. His hand lightly caresses my breast through the thin fabric of my bra.

"Leah," he sounds amused and a little annoyed, as he slides his finger under the edge my bra.

"Whoops," I laugh with a sharp snort and quickly struggle out of my bra.

He sits up and grabs the sides of my underwear, gently pushing them down my legs. His hands are cool, leaving goose bumps in their wake and making my hips rise a little off the bed. I have a sudden flash of a memory about drunkenly telling Edward about the time Sam went down on me after eating a popsicle. Embarrassment overrides the visceral memory, making heat flood my face. I roll my eyes at myself.

"Let me look at you," he whispers, pressing his hand against my chest, between my breasts, and forcing me to lie down.

"Awful bossy, aren't you?" I tease, trying to cover for how turned on I am by just the feel of his strength as he holds me in place.

"Is that a complaint?" he asks, looking so determined despite how his hair falls over the lens of his glasses, making him look boyish again.

He brushes his hair back and gives me that teasing half-smile that shows the barest hint of teeth. His hand is sliding down my torso, pushing me further into the bed as he pushes back the blankets to reveal me to the light. I feel exposed and more naked than I have ever been before. Edward crouches on his knees and pivots his body to continue running his hand down, coming to a stop over my belly button. The blanket piles around my knees, giving him a great view of my smooth, freshly shaved skin.

"Nice," he remarks, biting his bottom lip, looking shy and amused.

Edward's hands are moving gently over my thighs, caressing, making me moan. I stare at his bare chest and scan down past his stomach. My eyes finally settle on his hard dick. He is long and narrow at the base. The shining tips of the barbell poke out of either side of the ridge of the head. They look like silver beads sitting on his dick.

I reach out to brush my thumb over them and take hold of him. Edward gasps, touching his hand to my wrist, and I start to pull away.

"No," he says, holding my wrist and keeping my hand on him. "You just surprised me. It's sensitive."

"Well, I promise to not hurt its feelings," I joke, suddenly feeling light and playful, because he's blushing and looks a little nervous. This is Edward, my best friend, and if there is anyone I can have fun with during sex it has to be him. I can deal with this, I reassure myself, but all my confidence disappears in a rush of electric delight when Edward's fingers slide across my clit.

"Fuck!" I groan, thrusting my hips up. His fingers sweep over me again, making me bite my lip.

I twist my body and shift closer to him, so I can lick at the head of his dick, while still giving him access to me. He catches on quick and moves to lie down beside me. I grip his hip and pull his dick closer, as he lifts my leg and covers my pussy with his hot mouth.

I try to distract myself from the fucking amazing things that Edward's tongue is doing to me, by using my tongue to play with dick. His piercing clinks against my teeth, while the underside of his dick slides along the roof of my mouth. It feels almost as good as his tongue sliding inside of me.

Edward hums against me, sending blinding pleasure through my body, and making me wonder how much of it has to do with his tongue bar. Another jolt of pleasure rocks me, and I choke around him. He laughs against me and slips his finger inside me, making my eyes cross. His finger curls inside me, making me shake, bringing me closer to coming. Edward quickens the pace, fucking me hard and fast with his finger, driving me insane. I manage to get his dick out of my mouth, before I start to come.

"Don't stop!" I gasp, while my hips jerk, and I begin to spasm around his finger.

Edward quickens the pace of his tongue and finger, making me scream out. He is going to kill me, and I could kiss him for it. I'm still shaking, when he pulls away from my trembling legs. His face is damp, and his glasses are all fogged up. I love the big dopey grin on his face.

"Mmm. Finger licking good," he laughs, sticking his fingers in his mouth for emphasis.

"Shut up!" I smack his hand away and try to sit up, but he stops me.

His hands take hold of my wrists and he pushes me back down onto the mattress. I writhe, lifting my hips off the bed to try to get some leverage, but it's useless. Edward is stronger than I realized. I wonder if he has been intentionally letting me win all our wrestling matches.

"You're not going anywhere," he breathes against my neck, his tongue tracing small circles along my skin. "For once you're not going to run out on me."

His words hit me hard, forcing my mind to think of the countless times we've been close and I've pulled away. Snuggling on his bed and telling each other stories, Edward's sleepy eyes watching me, and his quiet tone as he invites me to sleep in his bed. The strange streak of cold fear that made me sit up and lie, saying I liked my own bed better. Or the time when he got back from winter break after being forced to deal with his ex-girlfriend. Edward was trashed, and we were alone. He asked to sleep in my bed. I was nervous, but didn't want to outright tell him no. We'd only ever slept all together, with Jasper, that one night in Jasper's room. I put him off, keeping him talking until he finally fell asleep on the couch, with his head in my lap.

I can pretend that this feeling, this connection with Edward, is unexpected and surprising, but that would be a lie. He has always looked at me like this, with all this vulnerable wonder. I've seen him cry, listened to his whispered confessions of loving romantic chic flicks, and watching him demonstrate just how bad a dancer he really is by showing me his pathetic version of the Electric Slide. What guy does that with a girl that he doesn't...care about?

He's felt like this from the start, and what did I do? Ignored him, shied away and panted after Jasper. I'm such an asshole. How could he ever forgive me? My chest is heavy, and I don't know what to say. It all feels so real, almost too real. I take a deep breath, and peel my eyes away from his face.

"I'm sorry," my voice cracks as I say it.

"Shhhhh," he whispers, lying back down beside me, pressing his lips against mine. He takes his time, sliding his tongue over the length of my bottom lip, before finally sliding it into my mouth. I moan, turning to press my body against his, and suck his tongue into my mouth. Edward pulls back and lets out a shaky breath as our lips part.

"Are you ready?" Edward looks so concerned, or maybe it's just the way his glasses make his eyes look bigger than they are.

"Of course," I reply with a wink, wishing I felt as confident as I sound.

He looks at me for a long silent minute, not saying anything. Finally he sits up, and reaches into the drawer of his bedside table, and pulls out a condom. I help him open the wrapper, but he doesn't allow me to take it. He slips it on his dick and moves between my legs. It seems too fast, and I take a deep breath, turning my eyes to the ceiling, where there is a sloppy reproduction of Van Gogh's _Starry Night_. Jasper painted it for him last quarter, while he was shit faced and falling off Edward's computer chair before he finished.

I close my eyes, trying to block out any thoughts of Jasper and just focus on this perfect moment. Just Edward and I, alone together. Edward's lips press against my temple, and his fingers brush against my cheek, making me smile. He knows how to make me feel comfortable. That's the magic of Edward, knowing what I need before I ever have to say it out loud.

I feel him press against me, and I try to relax, feeling myself open up for him. He pushes in so slowly, letting me feel every inch of him until he is fully inside. His face is hovering inches above me, that same concerned expression still looking down at me. It's so intense, having him inside me and looking at me at the same time. Not that this is the first time I've ever been in this position with a guy, but this isn't just any guy. This is Edward. _My_ Edward.

I moan at the thought, my body clenching around him. Edward's eyes close and he exhales, his head tilting down. His hair brushes my forehead, somehow feeling a million times more intimate than his dick buried inside me.

"Edward…" It sounds like plea for mercy, and I guess it kind of is.

"You feeling amazing," he whispers, pressing his lips against mine. That small gesture makes it all better.

I let out a shaky breath, and he starts to move. It's slow too. Like he wants to draw every second into a year, like he's going to fuck me until the world ends. His breath is tickling my cheek, making me want to kiss him, to taste him again.

"Here," he huffs, moving his hands to the slide under my legs, pushing them up.

I shift to compensate for the new position. He slides back inside me, and I nearly scream. The electric sensation shoots through my entire body. I jerk, gasp and nearly cry. It is indescribable, this searing, incredible sensation exploding through me with each stroke. He stops, cradling my face in his hands and whispers against my face.

"Sorry, I should've warned you," he pants, peppering my cheeks and eyelids with kisses. "The piercing is for stimulating the g-spot."

"Fuck," I gasp, opening my eyes to look at his apologetic expression and can't help but smile. "Is it also hooked to a car battery? Jesus, Edward."

He laughs and kisses me harder. His tongue twisting around mine, teasing the inside of my mouth, and making me want to moan. When he finally pulls away and moves again, I'm close to hyperventilating. It's like this tantalizing and evil pressure that keeps building with every stroke. Every second pushing me closer to my release, sending wave after wave of tingling heat through my body.

I try to move my hand down to touch myself, but he stops me again. His hands hold my wrists, pinning me in place while he continues his infuriatingly slow pace of fucking. It's like he is trying to drive me insane.

"Edward," I pant, thrusting against him hard, trying to goad him into moving faster.

"Yes?" He gives me a hard thrust then stops, staying fully inside me without moving.

I grunt, twitch beneath him, and finally growl in his face. He is smiling down at me. His face is a wide grin and two foggy lenses looking down at me, mocking me.

"I want to come," I demand, snapping my teeth in front of his face and wishing I were close enough to head-butt him.

"I am certain of nothing but the holiness of the heart's affections, and the truth of imagination." He mumbles it against my lips but doesn't move the lower half of his body an inch.

It's a fucking challenge, and it's pissing me off. I want to scream, but my mind is racing to quickly give him the answer. Edward and his fucking poetry.

"Keats!" I pull my hand free from his grasp to thread my fingers through his hair and dig my nails into his scalp.

Edward lets out a strangled cry that sounds like a mixture of joy and pain. He pulls out of me, and I grunt at the sudden emptiness, only to feel him slam back into me. I cry out, with relief, and tilt my hips. The intense body shaking sensation rocks me hard enough to make my teeth chatter. He keeps moving faster and harder than I ever imagined he could. I hold on, smiling, and shaking with pleasure.

"I'm close," I whisper into his sweat drenched cheek and try to move against him.

"Yes," is his only answer, as he picks up his pace.

We move against each other in silence, with the exception of the sounds our bodies make and our breathing. It feels simple, right, and fucking amazing. The minute I allow myself to focus on it and feel the intensity of the pleasure, the tidal wave of my climax hits me full force. I yell, my whole body thrashing.

Edward moves faster, pushing me through several more orgasms and leaving me a limp, trembling mess as he finally reaches his own climax. He freezes, buried deep inside, his face fixed with a look of wonder. I never thought anyone could look beautiful when they come, but Edward does. He takes my breath away.

When he finally collapses to the mattress next to me, I turn on my side, watching as he disposes of the condom in the trashcan. He pulls off his glasses, setting them on the bedside table and wiping his hand over his face and through his damp hair. Edward lets out a long sigh, and rolls back over to face me. His smile is lazy, and his eyelids are heavy. He looks content and a little amused. I don't know what to say or do, so I just lay there and wait for him to do something first.

"Relax, pretty girl," he says, pulling me closer against his body. "I'm not going anywhere."

He kisses my cheek and presses his face against my neck. How he can do this so easily is beyond me. I don't even know why I was scared, but it's all but forgotten now. I let out a long breath, and the tension leaves me in a rush. I press myself closer to his body and lift my head to kiss him softly before relaxing into his pillow. Edward wraps his body around me, surrounding me with his comforting, safe presences.

* * *

The sound of knocking and someone calling my name wakes me with a start. Jasper's unmistakable voice makes my heart race as panic surges through me. Everything that Edward and I did last night comes back in a rush, bringing along with it the sudden reality of what this means to all three of us.

"Shit," I gasp softly, and I shift, but Edward immediately throws his arm across my chest to stop me.

"Quiet," he whispers, his arms tightening around my waist. "He might think you've gone out or that you're sleeping."

"Leah, I need to talk to you," Jasper voice rings out clearly. "I know you're here. You're wallet's still on the kitchen counter."

I study Edward's worried expression and wonder what's going through his mind. Does he regret what we did? My stomach twists at thought.

"Fuck!" Jasper shouts, but he finally stops knocking.

Maybe Edward is right, and he'll leave thinking I'm at the library or something. Just as we begin to relax, the sound of footsteps in the hallway heading toward Edward's door send fear shooting through me all over again.

"Ed, you here?" Jasper calls through the door.

"Shit! I forgot to lock the door," Edward hisses and jumps up to reach toward the door handle, but he gets there a half-second too late.

The door swings open, flooding the room with bright light from the hallway. Edward, manages to pull the blankets over his waist while I cover myself with his afghan, but there's no disguising what's happened. Jasper stands in the doorway for a silent moment, not moving. I'm too paralyzed by fear and guilt to do anything but lay there and stare at him. The light from the hallway is so bright that I can't see his face, just the dark outline of his body.

"When you two are done, get dressed and meet me in the living room. I need to talk to both of you," his voice sounds so calm, almost cold, that it sends chills through me.

The door closes softly, leaving Edward and I in silent darkness. I can't even look at him, and the last thing in the world I want to do is go out to face Jasper. Edward collapses down on the mattress next to me with a heavy sigh.

"Are you okay?" he asks, brushing his fingertips along my cheek, drawing my attention to him.

"I don't know," I reply with a weak shrug.

I know that I shouldn't feel guilty. We didn't do anything wrong. Jasper left to go to Maria and hasn't talked to either of us in days. We owe him nothing. It all seems logical, but it doesn't stop the twisting of my stomach or the tears in the corner of my eyes. Edward leans up and kisses my forehead.

"I know how you feel," he confesses, confusing me even more.


	4. Chapter 4

Edward takes my hand before he opens the door, threading his fingers though mine, and we head out into the bright light of the living room together. Jasper is lounging in his chair with a thoughtful look on his face. Edward leads me to the couch and pulls me down to sit beside him. Jasper's eyes follow our every move, a strange expression on his face, somewhere between a grimace and a smile. Finally, he shakes his head and lowers his eyes.

"How long has this been going on?" Jasper asks the floor, his broad hands hiding his face from us.

"Does it matter?" I ask, feeling a twist of guilt as he slowly nods his head.

"Yes," Jasper answers softly, not looking up.

I wish a small petty part of me wasn't thrilled that he cares. It's stupid. I'm stupid. Nothing has changed, and I shouldn't be disloyal to Edward likes this; only, Edward suddenly looks just as sad as Jasper.

"Last night was the first time," Edward sighs, leaning forward and releasing his hold on my hand.

"I feel so much better knowing I'm only a day late," Jasper laughs, but it sounds bitter and defeated.

"What did you expect to happen?" Edward sounds almost apologetic, cradling his head in his hands and twisting his fingers in his hair.

"I expected you to wait, like I asked you to," Jasper says, finally looking up at Edward.

The conversation is confusing me. What does he mean wait? Wait for what?

"A week, Jasper. No calls, not even a fucking text message." Edward turns to face Jasper, his cheeks flushed with anger.

"We didn't even know where the hell you were," I add, feeling like Edward is working way too hard on my behalf.

In fact, it's weird how angry he is about Jasper flaking on me, but I guess he has other reasons to be pissed at Jasper. Cue my guilt again. I don't want to think about how many different ways I've complicated our lives.

"I know. I'm sorry," Jasper sighs, raises his hands defensively, and leans back in his chair. "I would have been back sooner, but...well you know how Maria can be."

He's talking to Edward, no… pleading with him. Edward grumbles and looks away. They sound like they did the night Jasper left. The day after I had sex with Jasper, while Edward listened in the next room. Seeing the reality of what my actions have done to their friendship weighs me down, like a brink sinking through the bottom of my stomach.

"Did you fuck her?" Edward shocks the shit out of me by asking the question that's been bouncing around in my head for that last week.

"No," Jasper answers with a smile that doesn't hold an ounce of humor. "Ironic, don't you think?"

"You have no one to blame but yourself," Edward snaps, standing up to pace around the room.

"I ended it with Maria for good this time," Jasper shouts, looking frustrated and guilty.

Edward makes a dismissive snort and rolls his eyes. "Heard that before."

"Believe this then," Jasper says, pulls something out of his shirt pocket, and throws it at Edward.

Edward's doesn't bring his hand up fast enough. The tiny object bounces off his chest and drops to the floor. It lands in a pool of sunlight in the center of the living room floor. The teardrop shaped diamond reflects tiny dots of light across the carpet. I stare at the engagement ring and try to understand what this means. Jasper broke things off with his fiancé only to find Edward and I in bed together.

I turn to look at Jasper, but he is still looking at Edward. There is this expression on his face that I've only seen a handful of times, usually after he's had a bad day at practice and asks Edward to make him Frito pie. It's a sweet, tentative curve of his lips that you can barely call a smile. There is so much hope in that tiny gesture I have to look away. Despite everything he's done I can't handle seeing Jasper looking like this right now.

"You swear it's really over this time?" Edward stares at Jasper with a shocked expression on his face; a single tear slips out of the corner of his eye and slides down his cheek. It almost looks like he's holding his breath.

"I swear on my momma's soul," Jasper says, standing up, and crosses the room to touch Edward's face. "I'm so sorry I left, but I had to fly her back to Houston and make sure she understood it was over. I told all of them I'm not gonna to sign with any team until I finish school and maybe not even then."

"Why would you...hockey is your life." Edward looks shaken but also kind of happy as he wraps his hands around Jasper's wrist like he needs help to keep him standing.

"This is my life, what we have here," Jasper counters. Edward shakes his head, but Jasper smiles, nodding his head. "I meant everything I said. We're going to make this work. I promise." Jasper pulls him closer, wrapping Edward in his arms, and whispers something that I can't make out.

This isn't making any sense. Why is Edward crying? Why does Jasper look so relieved? Do they even remember that I'm still in the fucking room?

"What the fuck is going on?" I ask, uncurling my legs so I can sit up straighter.

"Shit! Sorry, Lee," Jasper sighs, turning to give me an apologetic smile. "I told you I would explain everything when I got back. I didn't expect for you two move so fast."

Jasper chuckles and shakes his head. Edward pulls free of his arms, a look of horror on his tear-streaked face.

"Leah, I was going to tell you, but I thought it was over," Edward stutters and starts to walk toward me. "I didn't want you to misunderstand our...well, relationship. It has nothing to do with how I feel about you-"

"Relationship?" I cut him off to repeat the word, trying to make sense of what he said and the guilty look on his face.

"Baby, wait," Jasper says, wrapping an arm around Edward's chest, holding him back.

It dawns on me in an instant of painful clarity. Jasper and Edward are... _together_. My mind reels, a million memories taking on whole new meanings. Jasper and Edward waking me up in the middle of the night with loud banging against the wall that they claimed was wrestling. Jasper constantly pinching and slapping Edward's ass. Edward's enraged expression when I told him that Harmony called Jasper her boyfriend. All the hugs and flirting makes so much sense. I'm such a fucking idiot.

"Leah, look at me, please," Edward begs, his fingers clawing at Jasper's arm.

"Fuck this!" I'm off the couch in a second and running for the hallway.

"Let her go," Jasper says while Edward continues to fight to get free of his arms.

I need to get away from them before I start to cry.

"No! Leah please let me explain! Leah?" Edward calls down the hallway after me.

The pain in his voice makes my chest hurt more and deepens my sense of humiliation. I duck into the bathroom, slamming the door in a blind panic, and slide the lock home. It's too much. I can't take it.

I stumble over to the sink, turn on the faucet, and splash cold water on my face. When I reach for the towel, I find the rack empty. Normally I would scream for the guys to get me another one. Edward would accuse Jasper of using it as a paint rag, and they would bicker like an old married couple. Eventually, they would settle the argument by playfully wrestling on the living room floor, and I would make jokes about how they should just fucking kiss already. Oh my god, I'm so fucking blind I want to scream.

Anger, frustration, and embarrassment swirl in my stomach, making me nauseous. It feels like I'm going to split open from the pressure. I take huge, desperate gulps of air, trying to keep from letting the tears that have been threatening to fall since I ran out of the living room. My brain screams for me to get a grip. _You're better than this, Clearwater!_

I press my palms against the cold surface of bathroom counter, willing myself to focus. How have I never noticed? There were so many subtle signs and other ones that were so obvious I feel like smacking my head against the wall for missing them.

" _Leah will you please talk some sense into him," Edward called to me before I even made it through the front door._

_I dropped my backpack on the entryway floor and walked down the hallway toward the kitchen. Jasper was seated at the tiny dining room table, looking like a sulking child, taking short sips from his beer bottle. Edward stood over him, his arms crossed with a stern look on his face. As I sat down next to Jasper I noticed the icepack on his right hand._

" _What happened?" I tried to look casual despite the panic surging through me._

_Jasper's right handed, both his painting and playing depend on his hands. I couldn't imagine how his life would change if he injured it. Judging by the way Edward was chewing on his lower lip, he was just as worried as I was._

" _Simmer down, it was just a little dust up at practice," Jasper sighed, reaching over with his left hand to give my arm a reassuring pat. It had the opposite effect. I was immediately concerned he couldn't even move his right hand._

" _He took a direct hit to his hand. Emmett said that it cracked the other guys stick." Edward's voice sounded strained. "He is supposed to take it easy, but he was just talking about finishing his painting and refuses to take the pills the doctor prescribed him."_

" _I said I wouldn't paint," Jasper snapped, picking up the beer bottle again. "Don't need any pills. Just rest."_

_Jasper is such a stubborn jackass. He reminds me so much of my father sometimes, and it makes me want to scream. He never wants to admit that he's in pain even when you can see giant black bruises all over his chest and back from practice. It drives Edward and me crazy, because when he pushes himself too far he enviably crashes hard. Sometimes he sleeps for sixteen hours straight, missing classes and meals. Other times he gets irritable; his temper has a hair trigger. A few weeks ago he was so irritable he got in two separate fist fights at the bar. We had to drag him out before they called the police._

" _Bullshit!" I snatched the beer bottle out of his hand and gave it to Edward._

" _Hey!" Jasper yelled trying to grab it, but as soon as he moved, it jolted his hand, and he winced in pain._

" _You're going to take the fucking pills, eat something, and go to bed," I said, while Edward poured out the beer and brought me the bottle of pills._

_Jasper grumbled and rolled his eyes, but he didn't argue with me. I shook out two pills into my hand and he grabbed my wrist, lifting it to his mouth. He gave me a smoldering look before tipping up my hand and dropping the pills into his open mouth. Edward placed a glass of water in front of his face, giving me a chance to yank away my hand and cover my blush. Jasper gulped the water and slammed the glass down on the table._

" _Now, was that so hard?" Edward said, smiling with relief while ruffling his fingers through Jasper's hair._

" _Lay off," Jasper grumbled, slapping Edward's hand away, and stood up. "If you ladies will excuse me, I'm going to go attempt to piss with my left hand. Wish me luck."_

" _Luck!" Edward and I responded at the same time and then laughed._

_He flipped us both off as he walked down the hall toward the bathroom. I watched him go, still a little worried, until I felt warm arms encircle my shoulders. Edward kissed my cheek and gave me a gentle squeeze._

" _Thank you," he whispered in my ear, and I couldn't help but lean into him._

" _Anytime," I replied with my eyes closed._

The memory used to make me feel warm and happy. All three of us had such a great thing going. We were like a family, only we weren't. They were fucking each other the whole time. No, not just fucking. I think back to their tender embrace just a few minutes ago in the living room. The way Jasper had cradled Edward in his arms, how Edward had cried with relief. I've never seen either of them look so... _happy_. That wasn't just sex. It was...is love.

Something cold and ugly uncoils inside me. It spreads through me with a sickening shiver, settling into the pit of my stomach. I want to scream. All this time, while Jasper flirted with me and Edward pretended to be my best friend, they had been sneaking around behind my back. What was I? A game or distraction? Was it all just a big joke to them? _Look at the silly straight girl that actually believed all the bullshit we fed her._ I can see them laughing at me and it makes me angry again. Anger is good, I can handle it a lot better than tears.

"Leah!" Edward yells through the thin bathroom door, clear as day.

He sounds frantic, almost desperate. The door shakes as he pounds it with his fist and continues to plead with me to open it. Like there's anything he can say to make this less fucked up.

"She needs time," Jasper's voice is hard to make out. I press my face closer to the wall and try to quiet my breathing so I can hear them talk.

"No, you saw her face. She is going to leave." Edward sounds so heartbroken, but I'm sure it's just because he feels bad, not because he cares.

"I won't let her leave before we explain it all," Jasper insists.

I laugh, bitterness making it sound more like a cackle. Good old cocky Jasper thinks he's going to fix this with a wink and a smile. Fat fucking chance!

"You both can go fuck yourselves!" I yell at the wall, walk over and punch the bathroom door as hard as I can. "Or go fuck each other for all I fucking care. Just leave me the fuck out of it!"

I try to block their voices while I go to the shower and turn on the water. Once it's as hot as I can stand without scalding my skin, I step under the spray. Not even bothering to get undressed, I stand there under the pounding water trying to not think or feel anything. There's more yelling, but I continue to ignore it and slowly begin to strip. I drop the clothes into a pile in the corner of the shower. They are the same ones I wore last night, the ones I was wearing when I slept with Edward. It feels like it was a year ago, a lifetime since this morning, when I found out everything he said to me was a fucking lie.

" _I see you, Leah. Even when my eyes are closed."_

I can still remember the way he looked when he said it. The way his lips felt against mine. How my heart skipped a beat at the sincerity in his voice. The front door slams, and I let go of the tears I've been holding back. I collapse to my knees, the hard tiles sending sharp pain shooting up my legs. The nausea rolls through me, leaving me dry heaving and desperately wishing I could erase the past week.

When I finally work up enough courage to drag myself from the shower, I feel raw and shaky but a little bit stronger. I give myself a brief pep-talk while staring at my blood shot eyes in the mirror and wrap a towel around myself, feeling confident that I can handle whatever is waiting for me once I leave the safety of the bathroom.

I open the door and find Jasper leaning against the doorway. He gives me a shy smile and holds out my favorite coffee mug in his hand. Two penguins stand with their heads pressed together, creating the outline of the heart. Seth bought it for me a few years ago for my birthday, because he knows I love those stupid flightless birds. My confidence falters for a half a second.

"Coffee?" Jasper raises an eyebrow, his smile growing a little flirty.

The rich scent of the coffee is making my mouth water, and the trademark Whitlock charm is making my knees a little wobbly. How the fuck does he do this? I should be slapping that mug in his face and screaming at him, but I can't summon an ounce of anger.

Even now, after all the bullshit, part of me really feels comforted by the sight of that smile. It's like nothing is different, but that's a lie. _Everything_ is different. I take a deep breath, straighten myself, and walk past him right into my bedroom.

"Lee," Jasper calls out, barging into the room after me.

"Get out," I sigh, sitting down on my bed, trying not to start crying again.

"Just hear me out, and then I'll go, okay?" He walks over to my desk and sets down the cup next to my laptop.

It's closed. The top is covered with an intricate sticker Jasper made for me. I can't stop staring at it. It looks like a stylized family crest, with a lion and wolf facing each other inside a circle of braided stalks of wheat. I used to smile and trace my fingers over it when I would shut down my computer. It used to make me feel special, loved even. Now, it makes me furious. I want to rip it off and throw it in Jasper's face.

"Say whatever you fucking want and then get the hell out!" I jump up, pull open the desk drawer and shove my laptop inside before slamming it closed.

"Lee," Jasper sighs heavily and sits down on the side of my bed. "I've always known I was different, from the first time I let my best friend blow me in junior high school. I knew guys weren't supposed to be into other guys sucking their dick."

"Spare me your life story," I interrupt, stalking over to my dresser to grab a pair of underwear and t-shirt. If I'm going to have to deal with him being in my room I'm at least going to have clothes on while I did it.

"You like dick, not pussy. I get it," I grumble while stepping into my underwear.

"That's just it, baby. I'm not gay," he chuckles lightly, like it's all a big joke.

I stop in the middle of pulling my underwear up my legs to glare at him. "So, what, you fuck Edward to get a little cock on the side?"

He laughs, actually laughs at me. His grin is wide and still kind of sexy. It pisses me off that I still find him so attractive. My anger brings me back to what I'm doing. I finish pulling up my panties, and drag my t-shirt over my head, letting the towel drop to the floor.

"I didn't say I was straight either, sweetness." His voice is a low sultry growl that sends chills through me.

I turn back to see him sitting up, very obviously checking me out. The look in his eyes is hungry and full of promises that my body knows for a fact he can keep. It's throwing me off and making me forget that I'm supposed to be angry.

"Stop it!" I glare at him, trying to make him feel my fury despite how he affects my body.

He suddenly stands. I take an involuntary step back, bumping into my dresser. I'm flustered and extremely turned on. It's embarrassing and it needs to fucking stop. I need to get control of myself, but before I can scrape together my dignity, Jasper surges forward. He's standing right in front of me, his lips inches from mine.

"Stop what?" He smirks, his head tilted to side and a single thick curl dropping over one of his eyes. "I'm not the one showing off my legs while we're trying to have a serious conversation."

His fingers brush the outside of my thighs and skim up to lightly trace the edge of my panties over the top of my thighs. The feel of his hands on me is electric. I want to open my legs and let him continue tracing his fingers right to my clit. A voice in the back of my head is screaming at me that this was wrong and it snaps me out of his spell.

"Fucking stop it!" I slap at his hands away.

"I'm sorry, but I had to know if you still wanted me," he confesses, not looking guilty at all. He raises his hands in a sign of surrender, but he doesn't move away from me.

"What does it matter?" I push against his chest, getting him to give me a little bit of space.

I don't get it. Why is he still playing fucking games with me? He and Edward had their little lover's spat, but now they are back together. I shouldn't matter any more.

"Because we both want you," Jasper says it like it's obvious. He acts like he's telling me it's sunny outside, only what he is really saying is closer to it is raining chocolate chip cookies and gumballs.

"Is this a fucking joke?" I shake my head and cross my arms over my chest. "You didn't have enough fun fucking with my head to make each other jealous?"

"No, it's not like that," he insists, shaking his head, and starts to step closer.

"Freeze!" I hiss, shifting around the dresser to press my back against the wall and put some much needed space between us. "Don't you dare come closer."

"Simmer down." Jasper sounds hurt and looks concerned. "Leah, you know I would never hurt you."

"Bullshit. You already did, and I don't give second chances," I snap, finally gaining enough courage to step forward and face off with him.

All I can think is they have some fucked up scenario in mind, where I fuck them both. Where I'm their pussy on the side. It disgusts me, but more than anything it burns me, because I've been part time pussy before. This is like a fucking rerun of Sam. Not just the pathetic bullshit of him leaving me for my cousin, but the really fucked up part. The part that I'd never told anyone, not even Edward. That even after he left me to go back to Emily, after he broke my heart, I took him back to my bed.

I don't know why I did it. Each time it happened he would tell me he still loved me, but the next day he would go back to her. I let him do that to me, because I pathetically believed that if I just loved him enough he would eventually stay. Even worse, I can clearly remember thinking that even if I only get part of him it was better than nothing.

I am not going to fall for this shit again. Never again! I have had enough of men and their bullshit. If they want to fuck each other over, that was their business, but I wasn't going to be a part of it.

Jasper stands his ground, even when I get right in his face and scream, "GET OUT!"

He doesn't move, doesn't even flinch. He just stares at me, looking so calm and collected. Then his expression slowly shifts to a sorrowful look that is too close to pity for my comfort. The tears are unexpected and uncontrollable as they slide from the corners of my eyes. I shake my head, trying to will myself to stop them, but it only makes them come faster. A choking sob escapes my lips, and my legs give out. Jasper catches me before I fall to the floor. He carries me to the bed, carefully laying me down. I struggle to regain control as he lies down beside me.

"We never meant to hurt you," he whispers, kissing my cheek and brushing my hair away from my face.

"Stop saying that," I whimper in between sobs, wishing he would just go, even as part of me loves his attention.

"I know this is hard to take in, baby, but we both care about you. We want to work this out," he sounds so mature and reasonable, but he is talking in tongues as far as I'm concerned.

Work this out? How exactly do we work this shit out? Because I'm not a fucking slut. Okay, I may have just slept with both of my roommates and been the 'other' woman for my ex-boyfriend... I can't continue that train of thought. I'm enough of a wreck already, I think as I sob uncontrollably.

"Shh," he says, kissing my lips softly and caressing my cheek with the back of his hand. "We don't have to sort it out right now. Just say you'll have dinner with us tonight and talk."

"Talk?" I croak, still confused about what this was going to entail.

"Yes. Give us a chance to explain and then after that we will leave you alone, I swear," he says it with a solemn smile that makes my heart clench a little.

I nod and his smile grows hopeful. "Thank you, Leah."

He gives me another quick kiss on the cheek and stands up. My bed already feels empty and cold, but I try to not look as disappointed as I feel. It's so fucking pathetic, how much I still care. I need to stop; I need to shut it all out, because no matter what they say, this is never going to be okay. It's just a huge mistake.

I swallow my sobs, wiping my tears away with the back of my hand. Something shifts near my feet. I realize it's Jasper, just as he pulls my blanket over me. I close my eyes, while he tucks it in around my body.

"Get some rest, and we'll see you in the dining room at five," he says, pressing one last kiss to the top of my head, and walks out of my room, closing the door carefully behind him.

* * *

_Leaves are falling from the ground into the sky, like rain in reverse. My feet lead me through the multicolored chaos, a magnetic pull tugging at the center of my chest, drawing me out into the open. Sunlight blinds me, golden, and I have to look away. The ground is littered with sparkling shards of glass. I bend down to pick up two pieces in my hands. They're two perfectly severed halves of a heart. The glass slices through my skin, cool sea green water pours out of my hand and quickly pools around my feet covering my ankles. I run, frantic to escape the rising water. It quickly covers my face and pulls me into blackness._

I wake up with a start, my heart pounding. The alarm clock next to my bed reads one in the afternoon. I climb out of bed to quietly tiptoe over and press my ear against the door. No sounds, not even voices. It's Saturday, so they aren't in class. Maybe they're out getting stuff for dinner. It doesn't matter. This is my chance to get out before they come back.

Hopefully I have enough time to pack a few things before I leave. It might be a chicken shit move on my part, especially after I told Jasper I would stay, but I can't face them after everything that has happened. Besides, I don't want to deal with what could possibly come up in that 'talk.'

" _Because we both want you."_

Jasper's words bounce around in my brain. They both want me. What exactly did that mean? They want to keep having sex with me? How would that work? Would they trade me back and forth like a pair of jeans? The thought makes my stomach turn. I'm not going to be their toy.

I quickly grab a pair of jeans and bra. While I get dressed I try to think. I can stay with Rose; her boyfriend won't care if I sleep on their couch until I find a new place to stay. My backpack is lying on the floor of the closet. I snatch the shoulder strap and swing it onto my bed. Something heavy drops on the floor with a dull thud. I freeze and close my eyes. I know without looking what the book is, and the mere thought of it makes my heart sink.

It was right before we left on Winter break to go home. Edward decided to give me my Christmas gift early. I tried to tell him to wait till we got back, because I planned to get him something while I was back home, but he couldn't wait. He watched me intently while I unwrapped the large and extremely heavy gift. It was the entire collection of Harry Potter books, in hardback. To be honest I was little stunned. I knew Edward liked to read, but I didn't think he was into kids' books.

I'd never read the books or even seen the movies. I thought they were for little kids. It was about unicorns and magic, not really my thing. Edward insisted that once I got into the books I would fall in love. He looked so excited I couldn't bring myself to burst his bubble, so I agreed to read them and tell him what I thought.

Of course, when I got back from Winter break he immediately asked me where I was in the series, and I was ashamed to admit I hadn't even picked them up yet. He looked so disappointed but insisted it wasn't a big deal. Still I could tell that it meant a lot to him, so I began to read through the books. I made good progress and was quickly falling in love. Until I got to the Goblet of Fire, the book currently sitting on my bedroom floor.

I walk over and sit down, pick up the book, and flip it open to the last passage I read. The Triwizard champions were getting ready to go into the maze. I immediately shut the book. My throat constricts with the knowledge of what is about to happen. Not because I've read past this point in the book, because I haven't. I know because a douchebag at the library ruined the end of the book for me.

I was just sitting by myself, waiting for Edward to get out of his lab and decided to pass the time by reading. The dickface decided to flirt with me, but I was ignoring him. Finally he got fed up with me ignoring him and stood up. I thought he was going to walk away, but he leaned over that back of my chair and said, "So are you at the part where that Cedric kid bites it?"

I was so pissed I nearly slammed the book into his face. As it was, I yelled at him, telling to go fuck himself. He just laughed and walked away, leaving me sitting with the book in my lap. I couldn't bring myself to read any further.

It's so fucking stupid, but I really love Cedric. Something about him resonated with me. Maybe it's that he isn't all flash and angsty like Harry. He's just a nice guy. There are so few of those in the world. It seemed so unfair that he should die. In fact, the idea tore me up inside. Okay, I'm a grown woman with a ridiculous fear of a fictional character's death. It's pathetic, but it had kept me from finishing the book.

The unmistakable sound of the front door closing draws my attention away from the book I'm cradling in my arms. I can hear footsteps in the hallway outside my door. Every muscle in my body is tense; I can't even breathe as I listen. Then they stop. There's a soft, tentative knock on my door.

My hands are shaking. I can't move. Which one of them is it? I can't deal with Jasper again, but somehow dealing with Edward seems even worse. I lower my arms, the book resting on my lap. It looks so harmless when it's closed. My whole life is falling apart around me and I'm sitting here mooning over a fucking kids' book. I remind myself that it's just a book. It's silly to be so afraid of shit that has already happened.

Minutes crawl by, but there isn't another knock. I wonder if he has given up. I decide that this is fucking ridiculous and force myself to set the book on the floor. I stand on shaky legs and walk over to the door. After a moment of hesitation I finally pull it open, just as I hear Edward's door close.

I stick my head out to look at his closed door. There's a small stick figure drawing I did months ago of the three of us holding hands. It's really lame, but he loved it enough to tape it to his bedroom door. The sight of it hurts me, like a punch to the gut. I'm about to slam my door closed when I notice something on the floor. It's a brown paper bag and a paper coffee cup. It might as well be a knife in my heart.

I sit down right there. Tears falling from my eyes as I open the bag to find my favorite breakfast inside. A Marionberry muffin with pecans, and a vanilla latte with a sprinkle of cinnamon. There's even one of those free MP3 cards that the coffee shop gives out with every purchase in the bag. It's my special treat I get every Saturday.

I don't have a lot of spending money, so I only treat myself on the weekends. Edward knows this, and he got it for me. There's no note, but I don't need one. I know that this is his way of asking me to stay. Like I have a choice after this. _Fuck!_ I grab the bag and cup and close my door.

Fine. I'm going to do this, not matter how much it hurts. I am just as responsible for this mess as they are, and I need to fucking deal with it. I need to stop running away from shit. It's time to man, er, woman up and deal with it.

I settle down on my bed with my coffee and muffin, open the book, and begin to read.


	5. Chapter 5

I double check myself in the full-length mirror on the back of my door. I'm wearing an old navy colored house dress I salvaged from my grandmother's house after she died. I'm at least a foot taller than she was, so the hem ends just below my knees and the sleeves barely cover my elbows. It looks kind of cute with my old sneakers. And while that's nice, all that matters right now is that I'm comfortable, especially considering what I'm walking into.

Okay, it doesn't hurt that it shows off my legs, and both guys have complimented me on the dress before. Call me shallow, but if I'm going to get dumped by two guys at the same time I'm going to look good while doing it. My stomach does a nervous flop at that thought, and I grind my teeth. I need to stop thinking about it that way. I'm the doing the dumping, because I'm worth more than just being their sex toy. I deserve respect. I deserve the truth. I deserve... _love_.

That last one makes my throat tighten a little each time I chant it in my head. I wish I didn't want it as badly as I do, but there's no denying it. Twice in one week I thought I had it and the feeling was indescribable. It's still a little hard to shake it off, to convince myself that it was all lie, a complicated game that is about to end tonight. I was never good at saying goodbye, but I suppose I'll get used to it eventually.

Taking a deep breath to bolster my confidence, I pick up my backpack and carefully open my door. I tiptoe over to the front door and set it down. It's packed with some clothes and toiletries just in case I need to make a quick escape. It never hurts to have an exit strategy in situations like this, not that I've ever been a situation even remotely like this.

It's not like I planned to sleep with both of my roommates or ever imagined in my wildest dreams that they were already fucking each other. In what reality does that actually happen? I mean other than on some X-rated reality show. Just my luck, I ended up on the Bi-sexual version of Big Brother.

Clanging and cursing coming from the kitchen catches my attention and brings me back to what I'm doing. I slowly walk down the hallway, creeping along like a scared little kid. It probably looks really ridiculous, but I'm curious and kind of want to eavesdrop on the boys.

"You burned one wonton; it's not the end of world, baby," Jasper sighs, sounding like he's amused and exasperated.

I peek around the corner of the breakfast bar. They're facing the stove, their backs to me. There are several trays piled high with finger foods scattered across the counter next to them. It's not an unfamiliar sight, the boys chatting in the kitchen. Edward practically lives in this room, when he's not in my room. Or was in my room. _Past tense_ , I remind myself.

"It's not a wonton; it's crab delight, and I'm not upset about that," Edward grumbles, shaking his head and setting down his spatula. "She's going to leave."

"None of that talk now," Jasper sighs, placing his hand on Edward's slumped shoulders.

As I watch them talk, I notice a million little intimate gestures I never really noticed before but speak volumes now. The way that Edward's head tilts toward Jasper. How Jasper's hips are pressing against Edward's while he whispers something I can't make out. Edward makes a muffled sound, while shaking his head and Jasper shifts them into a hug.

I duck back behind the wall, my heart racing. Sneaking around like this is ridiculously idiotic, but I can't help myself. Seeing them alone together intrigues me. It's like seeing them in a whole new light. Not to mention the weirdness of Edward's intense reaction to the possibility of me leaving. I don't know what I was expecting his reaction to be, but this sure as fuck wasn't it.

It doesn't make sense. If he really cared this fucking much why didn't he come clean with me before we... I push away the thought; confusion and embarrassment take turns twisting my stomach in knots. Now is not the time to feel sorry for myself. I spent most of the day doing that.

"You saw her face," Edward pleads in a strangled tone. "She was horrified when we told her the truth about _us_."

"She's overwhelmed," Jasper reassures him, his voice sounds strange, like he's trying to convince himself as much as Edward. "She'll come around eventually, maybe even find it sexy. A lot of women dig that kind of thing."

"I'm not even thinking that far." Edward makes a frustrated sound, like a combination of a groan and exhale. "You know Leah; you know how hard it is for her to trust people. How could she ever forgive m- us for not telling her the truth?"

"Ed," Jasper sighs heavily before continuing. "If there's one thing I'm sure of, it's that she loves you, and she's already forgiven you, whether she realizes it or not. Me on the other hand...well, we will cross that bridge when we reach it. You know I'm going to be fine with whatever you decide, baby. I just want you to be happy."

"Don't! Don't even fucking go there!" Edward cuts him off. "I can't think about...it nearly killed me when I thought I lost you, again."

"Shhh, baby," Jasper whispers and I can hear them shifting. "You never lost me, Ed."

I stand with my back to the wall, listening to the sound of them. It's quiet with the exception of muffled breathing and the rubbing of fabric. Still it's deafening to me right now.

I thought listening to their conversation would give me some insight into how they were going to let me down. Or show me how they were just using me for sex. I thought that they might even trade stories about how I was in bed, but this is nothing like that.

Edward is nervous and stressing out about shit that he has no control over. Jasper is down playing everything, and trying to soothe Edward's worries, just like he always does. Sure, I can see the subtle differences now that I know they are together, but it really isn't all that different from how they normally are with each other. Countless times I have walked in on similar scenes of them talking in the kitchen. A few times they were even hugging. It's just the way that they were together – caring, supportive, and loving.

_I guess, I should be happy that someone is getting a happily ever after out of this fucking mess._

That familiar ugly, cold sensation uncoils in my stomach, but I resist the bitter little voice that comes with it. I know what it is now; I see it for what it is. Jealousy, my old companion is trying to drag me back into that bottomless pit of self-pity, but I'm not falling for it. Not after seeing this, because no matter what has happened over the past week, no matter how much we all fucked up, I know that they are still the Edward and Jasper I've always known. They are the best friends I've ever had, and I care about them too much to hate them for being happy together, even if it's without me.

It's time to stop hiding, to stop fucking around and finally face this shit. I straighten my back and step out from behind the wall to see Jasper and Edward kissing. A shock shoots through me, leaving me frozen in place and staring.

It's not like I've never seen guys kiss before. Hell, I've watched a fair amount of gay porn, but that was all ass fucking and blowjobs. This is just a kiss, but oh what a fucking kiss it is. Jasper has his hand hooked around the back of Edward's neck, and his thumb is stretched around to Edward's chin. Edward's hand is gripping Jasper's wrist, and his other hand is hooked in the waistband of Jasper's jeans.

The way they touch each other looks so intimate, loving and comforting. Their kiss is slow, sensual, and so fucking sexy. Jasper pulls Edward a little closer, their lips separating for a quick second, and Edward's tongue reaches out to stroke Jasper's upper lip. Jasper makes a low growling groaning sound, and Edward answers him with a hushed, breathy moan. Tiny sparks of electricity surge across my skin, leaving me flushed and a little breathless.

This isn't just sexy; it's fucking hot, and I think it's turning me on. I can feel myself getting wet. A deep throbbing like a drum beat between my legs confirms it. I've never been this into watching other people kiss, even when it's two guys. Then again these aren't just any guys. I know them; I've had sex with both of them. I know what it's like to be on the receiving end of both sides of this kiss, but I've never realized how much sexier it is to see them put together. Jasper is a dick, but he was right. I think I find the sight of them together really sexy.

Suddenly, Jasper opens his eyes and looks right at me. I jump a little, startled and ready to be called out for watching them. Jasper doesn't say anything. In fact, he doesn't even stop kissing Edward. If anything he seems to get a little more aggressive. His tongue sweeps over Edward's bottom lip as he pulls him closer. Their bodies align, and Jasper's hips shift a little, driving a muffled moan out of Edward. My pulse races, and my mouth goes dry. It's like he can read my mind and knows how turned on I am.

As I wonder why he is doing it, he winks at me. Then it dawns on me that he does know. He's doing it on purpose, to show off. I don't know what it is about that small flirty gesture that sets me off, but in less than a second I've gone from creaming my jeans to pissed the fuck off. After everything that's happened, the secrets and sex, I've had enough of his games. I ignore my throbbing clit and my damp panties, and focus on my cool rage instead.

I clear my throat, loudly. Edward immediately jerks backward out of Jasper's arms and turns to look at me. He wipes at his mouth with the back of his hand, but he can't cover the bright pink blush that's covering his pale face. It would be kind of cute, if he didn't look so fucking guilty and embarrassed. Of, course that just makes me even angrier at Jasper.

"Leah, I'm sorry we were just-" Edward sputters, walking over to me, but stops short and awkwardly sticks his hands in his pockets.

"Kissing, I saw," I finish his sentence for him and glance over his shoulder to find Jasper leaning back against the counter, smirking at me.

"Enjoy the show, Lee?" Jasper looks about as guilty as a pimp on payday. _Fucker!_

"Not as much as you seemed to enjoy showing off," I counter, about ready to walk out.

"Leah," Edward says, putting his hand on my shoulder and giving me a pleading look. "I'm sorry; it wasn't our intention to make you uncomfortable."

I can feel the warmth of his palm soaking through the thin fabric of my dress. Why does it have to feel so good? I swallow around the lump that has suddenly appeared in my throat and summon the courage to look at Edward. As I stare into those bright green eyes I know that Jasper was right. I'm not angry with Edward, not at all. In fact, the sincerity in his face is draining my rage away, like poison bleeding from a wound, and leaving me feeling raw. All the questions I want to ask Edward swirl in my head, making me dizzy and tired. I take a deep breath and push them back. There's a time and place for them but not just yet.

"Whatever," I mumble, fighting the urge to touch his hand, and walk over to the dining room table to take my seat.

"Thank you," he whispers and walks back to the kitchen.

Jasper takes a seat opposite me at the table. The expression on his face is unreadable, but somehow it bothers me more than his smug grin that is now long gone. My skin feels cold, and I can hear him tapping his boot against the wood floor. The sound is like a needle in my spine. I want to throw my plate at his head to get him to stop.

"I wasn't sure what you'd be in the mood for so I made your favorites." Edward's voice startles me and shakes me slightly.

He sets several trays in the center of table before turning back to the kitchen. The trays are piled high with different appetizers. I immediately recognize the tray of Crab Delight – tiny triangular wontons filled with cream cheese and crab, folded into little cones, and deep-fried.

I can still remember when Edward took me to eat Thai food for the first time in my life. He was so excited to get me to try different foods, carefully watching my face to see how I reacted to all the new tastes. We made a game of it, where he would have to guess if I liked something based solely on my facial expression. Edward was really good at it, not that he needed to be when I took my first bite of Crab Delight. I actually moaned out loud. Now, I'm staring at the little red bowl of Thai peanut sauce in the center of the platter and wishing things were as simple now as they were that night.

There is a plate of fried green tomatoes sitting beside a larger tray of Edward's famous shrimp tacos. He returns to the room with three more trays of food balanced on his arms. As he sets them down, I'm floored to see his pulled pork sliders, teriyaki beef short ribs, and his mini mac and cheese quiches. Edward didn't just make one of my favorite dishes; he made all of them.

As I look over all the bite-sized foods carefully arranged across the table, I keep thinking about how much fun Edward and I used to have going out to eat. He was fascinated by my affinity for appetizers. Even though I explained it was just because I'm cheap and love variety. Why order a big old plate of one thing, when I could order two entirely different appetizers? It seemed pretty logical and a bit boring, but Edward was kind of obsessed with it. He had some theory that you could judge a restaurant solely on the quality, variety and creativity of their appetizers. We were both weird in our own ways.

"Make sure to leave some room," he says, walking back into the kitchen and returning to set one last dish on the table in front of me. "I made sure to put more chocolate on the top. You said that was your favorite part."

Edward's got this small smile that's brimming with tentative hope and a hint of pleading. That need for my approval and attention is so familiar, yet this is the first time I've really allowed myself to see it. How many times has he asked for my time, attention and opinion? It always made me feel special. Tonight is no different. He has pulled out all the stops. He even made my favorite dessert. How could I ever think Edward didn't care about me? Despite what's happened it is obvious he still treasures our friendship, while I was ready to toss it out the window.

I stare at the pie pan, feeling about two inches tall. The smooth surface of the pie is practically covered in curling slices of dark chocolate and whole spicy peanuts. It looks delicious, but it also makes me feel like a giant asshole.

"It looks great," I reply with a weak smile and try to busy myself by putting my napkin on my lap.

I dutifully grab a sample of everything, cramming it all onto my plate, even though my stomach feels like it's the size of a pea. Jasper and Edward do the same, neither one looking up or saying anything. All three of us pick at our food in a smothering tension that is slowly killing me.

The silence in the room is uncomfortable in a way that makes my skin itch, and I'm more than aware they're staring at me. I poke at the graham cracker crust on my slice of pie and wish I had the will to eat it. The little bit of food I've already forced myself to eat is sitting like a lump in my stomach. So, I take another sip of wine, avoiding eye contact, and pretend to savor the tangy taste of the Syrah. I swallow, noting the blackberry and currant notes, wishing I could shut off the little voice in the back of my head that sounds like Edward's running commentary on all the food.

Sometimes it's like he's part of me; even when he's not around I can hear him. Though that's not exclusive to Edward alone. I hear Jasper when I'm out in public, especially when I'm driving or dealing with people I don't like. Jasper's smooth southern twang floats into my brain with just the right insult. _You have the grace and beauty of a rabid gorilla, Darlin'._ The thought makes me choke on my wine, and I wonder if I should be drinking with as little as I've eaten. Though, being drunk might help me deal with all these emotions.

I look up to find both of them watching me again. Edward's doing it subtly, glancing at me and then back at his empty plate, reminding me that while he doesn't like peanut butter pie, he makes it for me all the time. _Shit!_ I look over at Jasper to find him staring at me, one eyebrow raised as if daring me to say something. I guess now is as good a time as any to start the conversation. I take a deep breath and open my mouth.

"I suppose it's up to me to ask how long has this been going on." I try to act cool, folding my hands in front of me on the table.

Edward doesn't look up. He seems intent on tearing his napkin into a million pieces in front of him. It's unnerving and a little heartbreaking. I've never seen him this nervous before, and the fact that it's because of me tears me up even more. I hate seeing him like this, but I hate the fact I'm the cause of it more.

"Since last year," Jasper replies, giving Edward a sideways glance. "We were roommates at first. In fact, I think Edward was afraid of me. He barely talked to me and would always conventionally leave the house or disappear into his room when I was home. It wasn't until I bumped into him at a gay bar downtown that I figured out why he was so gun shy with me. Poor guy, thought I was a good ol' boy, gay bashing homophobe."

"You're a hockey player from _Texas_ ," Edward spoke up, though his eyes didn't rise from his fingers, but there's a hint of amused annoyance in his tone. "What was I supposed to think?"

"You were supposed to be charmed not freaked out," Jasper laughs, tossing his own napkin at Edward.

A bright smile transforms his face. There is no denying that Jasper is beautiful when he's happy. Edward bats the napkin out of the air and rolls his eyes so I can see it. A small relieved smile playing over his lips. Normally, I would be joining right in with the laughter and fun, but I can't move.

I can see some of the tension leave both of them. Part of me is happy to see it, but another part of me is furious. While they're playing and flirting I'm sitting here struggling with the reality that they've been lying to me this whole time. It's so unfair that they get to unburden themselves, while I get to sit here and take it. Anger and frustration are suffocating me; I'm drowning in it. I grimace and shift in my seat, wishing I could just leave them to their flirting.

"We should have been up front with you." Jasper's voice startles me, almost as much as the sincerity of his tone.

I look up at him, and he has an apologetic expression on his face. Part of me wants to believe him so badly that there's an ache in my chest begging me to accept it, but I've seen that same look on Sam's face.

"It's easier to ask for forgiveness than it is to get permission," I say clearly, watching Edward's face for a reaction.

It's one of his favorite quotes. I get a little tinge of petty delight from throwing it back in his face, even though I still don't really get it. A sin of omission is still lying in my book. He needs to understand that his betrayal hurts more than I can really express.

Edward slowly nods, a resigned look on his face. It's a white flag, and it helps relieve some of the tension in my chest. I sigh, not feeling better, but at least my anger has eased up a bit.

"It's all my fault," Edward sighs, rubbing his temples and closing his eyes. "I'm the one who didn't want to tell you the truth. I wasn't ready to have that conversation with you, because I was afraid of your reaction. You remember how I told you that Bella and I broke up because I slept with her best friend?"

I nodded. I remember his tearful confession to me while we were drinking in his room right after we got back from Winter break. Edward had to face his ex-girlfriend, Bella, and all the bullshit baggage she was carrying over their break up. He told me about their fucked up relationship and how he was under an incredible amount of pressure when he was with her.

The girl had their whole life planned since they were sophomores in high school. They were going to go to the same college, get married after they graduated, and then move back to Chicago, where Edward would be a doctor or lawyer. Bitch was as bad as his control freak father. She had even picked out the names of their kids. What kind of moron would name a child Renesmee?

As time dragged on, Edward found himself feeling stressed out by the pressure. He even developed an ulcer, at seventeen. It was insane. Then, one night he got wasted with her best friend and found himself in bed with said best friend. It was one of those fucked up situations I could totally understand and didn't hold against him. He was young and stupid, not to mention that Bella character sounded like a giant bag of crazy. It also seemed like her supposed best friend kind of took advantage of how drunk Edward was at the time.

"Her best friend's name was Jacob," Edward says, flinching slightly as he says the name.

"Well that explains a lot," I reply, not sure what else I should say.

"Yeah," Edward sighs, looking a little relieved. "I've always looked at that as my coming out. I've only ever been with men since I broke up with Bella."

Edward's gay. My head is spinning. I'm sure my mouth is dangling open like a wide mouth bass. I had no clue, never even suspected it. I always just assumed he was straight. I mean, he told me about his _girlfriend_ and...

"I've never seen you with a guy, until...well now," I counter, glancing between him and Jasper.

"That's because of the agreement," Jasper answers, refilling my glass of wine. "Before we got together, Edward was the belle of the ball in the local gay scene. His dance card was filled every night."

"That's an exaggeration," Edward sighs, rolling his eyes at Jasper.

"Ha! If anything I'm down playing it," Jasper argues with a playful smirk.

"Like you're one to talk," Edward says, but there's a playful smile on his face. "You fucked half of campus before you worked up the courage to finally kiss me."

"I was just trying to keep up with you, sweetness," Jasper volleyed back with a wink.

"If you girls are done with the bickering can we get back on the subject!" I slapped the table and glared at Jasper.

Their little exchange is actually kind of funny, but something that Jasper said strikes me. The ghost of my anger starts to tug at me, burning the inside of my chest. I take a deep breath, trying to keep it under control before I speak again. "What did you mean by _arrangement_?"

"There were some other house rules, ones we didn't tell you about," Jasper explains while looking at Edward. "I'm allowed to see women, but neither of us are allowed to see other men."

"Wait, so Edward isn't allowed to sleep with women?" I shake my head, confused by what that means exactly.

"Technically, I didn't think I wanted to… until now," Edward replies, looking a little sheepish.

"Yes, but he is very adamant that I get as much pussy as possible," Jasper says without smiling, a hint of resentment in his voice.

"I just wanted you to be happy," Edward speaks up immediately, his cheeks coloring slightly.

"And to test me at every turn," Jasper shot back, lifting his glass to take a sip and watching Edward shake his head.

"You can't blame me after you dumped me for Maria," Edward insists, leaning back in his chair with an exasperated expression.

"Let's not go there again, Edward. I told you it's over," Jasper sighs heavily, his face weary.

My brain is on information overload. The more they tell me, the more complicated this whole situation becomes. I'm getting a headache from all this shit. I try to sort through it all in my mind, but I can't make any sense of it.

"So how do I figure into all this?" I direct my question to both of them, feeling lost and in need of some kind of explanation of how we got here.

If Edward can't see women, did he cheat on Jasper with me? The thought sobers me a little. It could explain some of Jasper's dickhead behavior. Likewise, did my choice to sleep with Jasper shake Edward's trust in him? Have I driven a wedge between them without even meaning to?

"Well my dear, the fact of the matter is..." Jasper pauses to slowly sip his wine and then swallows it with a sigh. "You were never supposed to be part of it."

"Seriously?" I squawk, feeling even more lost.

"Yes," Edward answers, looking as guilty as ever. "I specifically asked Jasper to stay away from you."

I sit there stunned into silence. It feels like he just slapped me in the face. I don't know what to say, my brain is stuck in a loop, replaying what Edward said to me last night.

_You and Jasper were inevitable._

If we were inevitable, why did Edward fight it? He was my best friend. How many times did he tease me about my obvious attraction to Jasper? How often did he tease me about drooling on myself when Jasper walked past me in his underwear? Edward is the only person that really knew the extent of my crush on Jasper, which makes the fact that he cockblocked me sting like a motherfucker.

"How could you? After I told you how I felt about Jasper?" I try to keep from screaming and end up hissing the words at him.

"I knew it!" Jasper slaps the table, making it shake. "I don't know why she laughs at you all the time, Jaz. Maybe she's just not into you." Jasper's talking in what I assume is a mocking version of Edward's voice, laughing loudly. "Un-fucking-believable."

"Jasper, stop it," Edward snaps and turns back to give me a pleading look. "Leah, please understand. I thought I was protecting you. You know how fickle Jasper can be with girls, and I didn't think you would understand about his relationship with me. I didn't want to see you get hurt again."

"Horse shit!" Jasper countered, looking a little pissy. "The only reason you were off limits was because he wanted you for himself."

"It wasn't like that at all," Edward insisted, glaring at Jasper. "I didn't realize...not then; I mean it wasn't...I wasn't aware of the extent of my feelings at the time." He stutters and stumbles over his words, turning to give me an apologetic look.

"What he means is he wasn't ready to admit that he's in love with you," Jasper says casually, folding his arms over his chest.

I almost laugh. It's ridiculous. Jasper's insane. There's just no way...is there? A strange, new kind of panic seizes me at the mere idea of that word. It can't be. Not like that. I know Edward loves me like a friend but nothing more than that. What happened between us was physical attraction, friendship, and Edward's confusion over Jasper. Nothing more... _right_?

Tension tightens every muscle in my body, making it hard to move or even breathe. I have to focus all my effort to shift my gaze from Jasper to Edward. As Edward's face slowly comes into view I find his eyes are locked on me. He looks calm, but his eyes betray him, like they always do. They're wide and bright; I can see the light glinting off the tears he's barely holding back. I don't understand what those tears mean, but I know that I can't stand to see them.

"Edward," I choke on his name, unable to say anything more.

It sounds like I'm begging. I guess in a way I am. I need him to tell me that it isn't true. He has to understand that I can't take any more of these games. Even though I know that Jasper is wrong, I need Edward to tell me.

A sympathetic smile spreads across his lips, and he slowly nods. For a few seconds I can't figure out what the gesture means. My mind bends and twists on itself, while I watch a tear fall down Edward's cheek. It continues it journey down his face to drop from his chin and hit the surface of the table. As I stare at the tiny puddle of water it hits me.

_He loves me._

I can't breathe.

I'm out of my chair and walking out of the room before I even know I'm moving. My vision is blurry from tears I refuse to let fall. I keep walking, despite the fact I can't really see where I'm going. I just need to get away. I can't deal with this, any of it.

Strong hands grip my arm and spin me around. Edward's beautiful face fills my vision. I gasp for air, while he presses me back against the wall. His body covers mine, blocking out everything but him.

Edward is so close; no matter how hard I try I can't shut him out. I can smell his cologne and practically taste the wine on his breath. There's no escaping him.

"He's right, Leah," Edward whispers, sliding his hands around the back of my head and pressing his forehead against mine. "I'm in love with you; I have been for awhile."

The conviction in his voice burns through me, forcing me to face what he's saying. Edward is in love with me. It doesn't make sense. This is Edward, my best friend. He has seen me at my best and my very worst. Edward knows I'm so bad at math that sometimes I still count on my fingers. He's seen me get falling down drunk and even stuck his finger down my throat to help me puke, because I was convinced I was going to die of alcohol poisoning. After all that, after I slept with his boyfriend how could he ever love me?

"Why?" I plead weakly.

"Leah," Edward lets out a breathy laugh punctuated with a sniff, tilts his head back and brushes my hair out of my face. "You're fearless, beautiful, and you never cease to surprise me every day, in every way. How could I not love you?"

Something overwhelming bubbles up in my chest, finally escaping out of me in a choking sob. Tears spill from my eyes, while I ride the intense tidal wave emotions. Terror, joy, panic, elation and happiness tumble out of me in a bi-polar kaleidoscope of reaction, leaving me shaking and weak.

I cling to Edward's shirt, desperate for something solid to keep me from falling. Edward loves me. The thought is still wonderful and terrible, but it's not going to kill me. In fact, if I'm honest it's what I've always wanted but never thought I could have. The truth is I've been in love with him from the first moment I saw him.

I look up into his beautiful face; his brilliant green eyes sparkle with hope and love. It's insane to ever think that a man like Edward would ever want me. He's intelligent, talented and gorgeous. Guys like that don't go for girls like me. That's how it's always been. Back home, a guy like Edward was my friend, not my boyfriend. Sam was proof of the kind of guys that went for girls like me.

It didn't bother me too much. I accepted my lot in life, so much so that when I met Edward, I immediately assumed he wasn't interested in me like that, just like I did with Jasper. Only Jasper wasn't my best friend. He didn't stay up with me till the wee hours of the morning listening to my teary confessions. He doesn't know all my secrets. Edward knows. He knows it all, and likewise I thought I knew everything about him, but I don't. That realization hurts even more now.

"All this time, after everything we've been through..." I stop short, pushing at his chest while I try to focus on getting the words out. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I'm so sorry. I wasn't ready to face it," Edward says, releasing me and stepping back to lean on the opposite wall. "I was afraid; after everything that happened with Bella, I wasn't ready to deal with the reality of what it meant to have feelings for a woman again. "

He slides down the wall into a crouch, his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. "I told myself the reason I slept with Jake, that I betrayed Bella's trust, was because I was gay, that I couldn't help myself. I hung all of my guilt on that fact, but you changed that. I tried to fight it, tried to convince myself that it was friendship, but I couldn't ignore it. Especially, after Jasper..."

"After I fucked Jasper." It almost hurt to say it out loud, but I couldn't stop myself from saying it.

"Yeah," Edward sighs, he crumples to the floor, like the fight has gone out of him. "After that night, I knew how I felt, and I realized how stupid I've been. I'm so sorry, Leah."

He looks so defeated, his head hanging with his fingers tangled in his hair. It's like he's already trying to punish himself. The sight of his anguish gnaws at me. I stand there, trying to catch my breath. It's like the world is still spinning, and I'd giving anything to make it stop.

Edward loves me, but I fucked Jasper. Does that mean that he doesn't love me anymore? Did I just fuck up my first real chance at love before it even happened? It sounds like something I'd do. I press my back against the wall and try to find something solid to stare at. Instead I find Jasper.

"Breathe, baby." He walks over and kneels down, placing his hand on the back of Edward's neck. "I've got a hand in this, too."

It's like an electrical current surging through me. That's right. Jasper knew how Edward felt about me, and he still came after me. How the fuck could he do that to Edward?

"That's an understatement!" My anger helps me straighten and find my balance again.

"I do love your balls, baby." He gives me that charming, fucking smile and shakes his blond curls. "Yeah, part of why I pursued you so hard was to push Edward to admit his feelings, but that wasn't all of it."

Jasper fixes me with a look that shakes me. I've seen it before, when we were alone, and I was lying naked on his bed. "I want you, both of you. It's what I've wanted from the start."

His confession stops my anger dead in its tracks. Both of us? Jasper wants Edward and me. That's what this whole fucked up mess has been about? I blink, trying to wrap my head around what he's saying.

"You were right, baby," he sighs, glancing at Edward and then back to me. "I'm a greedy fucker, and I want it all. I want the best of both worlds, but I never really believed I'd find the right people to make it happen. Especially, since Edward and Maria hated each other on sight. I accepted that while I could have two people that would share me, I would never find two people that I loved that also loved each other too. It's a fucking fantasy, and I learned to accept it… until you came along, Leah."

It sounds like the truth, but I don't know if I can trust Jasper. If what he's saying is true, then he hasn't been honest with anyone this whole time. Where the fuck does that leave us? I can't look at him. So, I turn my eyes to Edward and find him staring back at me. The sight of his sad smile tears at me.

"When I saw how Edward was with you, I knew how he felt, even if he didn't," Jasper continues to talk, while Edward gives me a small nod of agreement. "In fact, I was nervous for a while there. Every night I came home and found my boyfriend holed up with you, I wondered if I'd lost him altogether."

"It was never like that," Edward suddenly speaks up, looking so guilty it makes my chest hurt.

"I know, but some nights it was really hard to play third wheel to you two," Jasper says in a soft voice, his face betraying his sadness. "I knew the only way to make this work was to force the issue with you, Lee. I knew you wanted me, despite your erratic behavior, and I was tired of Edward draggin' his feet. He needed a kick in the pants, and we gave him that."

I don't know what to think. Is Jasper saying that he only slept with me to get to Edward? How fucked up is that? Why am I disappointed? Every time I think this situation can't get any more insane it proves me wrong.

"I know I've made a mess of things, but don't let my actions affect how you feel about Ed," Jasper insists, looking almost humble. "He loves you, and I know you will make each other happy."

Jasper sighs heavily, a sad expression on his face as he gently combs his fingers through Edward's hair. He looks so calm, resigned, like he really means what he's saying.

"Jasper, don't," Edward tries to interrupt him, but Jasper shakes his head and continues to speak.

"I'm willing to bow out of this deal if that's what you need to be with him," Jasper says, fixing me with an earnest look.

For half a second I almost believe him; the only problem is I know Jasper. He always has an angle, always has a plan. If you've ever played chess with him you know he is several steps ahead of everyone. It helps him when he plays hockey, and apparently, it's how he's maneuvered us to this point, manipulating us the whole fucking way.

I think back through what he's said, and what I know was the truth. It's like I'm really seeing this entire situation clearly for first time. I get it, and strangely enough it doesn't make me angry. It makes me want to laugh. I can see right through Jasper's little ploy, and I'm going to call his bluff.

"Okay," I answer with a shrug.

"Okay?" Jasper looks confused, and Edward looks a little green.

"Yeah, I want to be with Edward, but you need to pack your shit and get out!" I explain, folding my arms over my chest, giving him a stern look, and fighting hard to not smile at the look of horror that's passing over his face.

"Uh, well I guess that's it then," Jasper mumbles, standing up, looking like he's been hit in the face with a two by four.

"That's it?" I ask, stepping forward and getting him to look at me. "Do you really love Edward?"

"Yes," he answers, his eyes searching my face.

"Then don't be a fucking pussy and fight for him!" I shove him hard, and he stumbles back into the wall. "You do not abandon the people you love. You don't lie to them, and you don't use them like puppets to get what you want. Enough of these fucking games, Jasper!"

"I'm sorr-" he starts to apologize, but I cut him off.

"I'm not done!" I snap, grabbing him by the neck and pulling him closer.

I fix my eyes on his, pausing for just a second, and secretly revel in the look of muted surprise on his face. Jasper isn't used to being bossed around, but I know, intimately that he likes it when I push him around. Despite his surprise, he presses closer to me, and I can't help but enjoy how good it feels. Having his attention focused on me is potent; it gives me even more courage to do what I know needs to be done. I take a deep breath, drawing out the moment to torture him just a little more. "Be honest with me. When you said you wanted me, was it just about sex?"

"Lee," Jasper sighs, placing his hands on my hips and brushing his lips over my ear. "I won't lie. I don't know if it's love, but I know it's more than sex. A lot more."

An honest answer, finally. It's the gesture I needed to start to trust him again. I take a deep breath, exhale it in a slow stream, and relax against his body. It feels good but not complete. Not yet. I shift to the side and look down at Edward. He's still staring at the floor.

"Edward," I say his name and reach out my hand to him. "Get up here."

He looks up, tears still on his face but also a wide, hopeful smile. I brush his cheek with the back of my hand, trying to wipe away the tears. He grabs my wrist and stands up. As soon as he touches me, I feel the last of the weight lift off my chest. I can breathe, really breathe for the first time since all this shit happened.

I pull Edward up against us, wrapping my arm around his waist. Jasper shifts, making room for Edward to press against us, and we stand there intertwined. It feels warm, solid, and right. Complete.

_It's easier to ask for forgiveness than it is to get permission._

For the first time, I think I really understand what that quote means. It was easier to keep me in the dark and hope that if I ever found out I would understand. I don't know how I would have reacted if they had told me that first day. I'd like to think I would have been cool with it, but I really can't say. With everything that was going on at the time, I could have easily freaked out and requested a new dorm assignment. I can't imagine how different my life would be now if I hadn't stayed, if I hadn't become friends with Edward and Jasper. A shiver passes through me at the thought.

I don't regret it. Sure, it's been crazy and messy, but it's worth this feeling. They feel right, like home.

After a long silent moment where we just hold each other, Jasper leans back and speaks. "So, does this mean we're getting lucky tonight?"

I can't stop the laughter as it explodes out of my mouth. Edward's laughing too and shaking his head with me. Jasper gives us a playful wink.

"No, but seriously," he leans in to kiss me and then kisses Edward. "If I don't have you both naked very soon I'm going to go insane."


	6. Chapter 6

I'm alone in my room with Jasper and Edward. Jasper closes the door behind us and steps up to brush his hand down my spine. I can feel the heat of his palm seeping through the thin material of my dress, like it's going to burn an outline against the base of my spine. Edward is standing in front of me, smiling as he runs his hand down my arm and slides his fingers in between mine. The tension in my body ratchets up a notch every time they touch me. It's making me tremble, and my heart rate speed up.

_I'm about to have sex with Edward and Jasper...at the same time._

It's what we silently agreed to after our conversation. Jasper was so eager to have us naked, and at the time it seemed like a great idea. Edward and Jasper naked always seems like a great idea. The reality of it is a different story. The thought of both of them touching me, wanting me, is fucking intense. All the confidence I had a few minutes ago in the hallway slowly bleeds out of me with every passing second, leaving me shaky and weak. I try to focus on the feel of Edward's hand as he pulls me forward, and Jasper follows close behind.

We stay connected as we move. It should be awkward and clumsy, but somehow it isn't. When we reach the bed I take a second to step away from them. Their nearness is a little overwhelming and addictive. When I'm in it I can barely breathe, but now that I'm free of it I want to go back. I feel dizzy and confused but mostly utterly terrified by the strength of this feeling. It's freaking me out.

Jasper has an odd hopeful expression on his face. Okay, the expression is only odd, because it's on Jasper's face. He never looks like that, like ever. There's a strange weight to it that makes my chest feel heavy. Edward on the other hand looks relaxed and content. His smile calms my nerves enough to allow me to speak.

"How do we do this?" I can't look at them as I ask; it's too intense, too much.

"Sit down," Edward says, helping me sit down on the bed.

I tuck my hands into my lap and stare at my shoes, afraid that if I look up they will see the silent little freak out that's going on in my head. The toe of my sneaker is scuffed right by a faded paw print that Jasper drew one night while we were watching movies.

We were watching an old western movie that Jasper insisted we would love, and I fell asleep. Later when I woke up, I found that he had doodled all over my shoes. Stars and crescent moons are scattered around the white rubber around the bottom edge of my shoes, and two large paw prints are drawn on the white rubber that covers the toes. They've been my favorite shoes ever since.

"We don't want to rush you," Edward says, covering my folded hands with his as he takes a seat beside me.

Unable to meet Edward's gaze I stare at his shoes instead. He's wearing sneakers too, and they're covered in little drawings, as well. Two smiling suns decorate the toes of his shoes. I smile at the little forks and open books covering the white rubber along the bottom. I'm sure there's some meaning behind these symbols Jasper's put on us, but I have no clue what it is.

The thought leaves me feeling lost. I can't focus enough to process it, though deep down I know it's significant. It seems like something so simple that I should understand. Why do these little drawings make feel like such a fucking failure?

"We want you to be comfortable," Jasper says, kneeling down in front of me, placing his hand on the back of my neck, and forcing me to look into his eyes.

His eyes are that strange blue that's so light it reminds me of glass. It's like he's searching my face for something. I don't know what he wants from me; his scrutiny makes me uncomfortable and confused, but I try to cover it by rolling my eyes.

"I'm fine," I protest, pulling his hand away and placing a kiss on his knuckles.

"Okay then," Jasper sighs, resting his head on our joined hands, and finishes speaking in a soft whisper, "you set the pace, baby."

He moves slowly, back and forth, kissing our interlaced fingers. Edward leans his head on my shoulder and presses a soft kiss against my neck. Despite my nerves, it feels so good. Like I'm home, between them. No, that's the wrong word. I pull my hands free to comb my fingers through Jasper's wild wavy golden hair and reach my other hand up to touch the edge of Edward's jaw. _Connected._ That's it. I feel connected to them.

Jasper turns his face to the side, lightly brushing the tops of my thighs with his stubbled cheeks. It tickles and sends heat rushing through my body. Edward draws his tongue over the sensitive skin behind my ear, his hot breath raising chills along my skin and sending a shock of pleasure through my body to mingle with the desire Jasper's raised.

Somewhere in the back of my brain there's a little voice screaming _this is too much!_ It keeps insisting that no one can handle this much... _love_. The weight of it settles on me, but it doesn't pull me down. It fills me to bursting, making me want to cry and laugh at the same time. It's crazy, insane. No one is supposed to have this much attention focused on them at one time. I think I'm becoming drunk on it, and we're not even naked yet.

The thought makes me moan and tighten my hold on both of them. Jasper groans low in his chest as my fingers tug at his hair, while Edward gasps at my nails digging into the skin of his neck. I smile at the combined sound of their pleasure and desire...for me.

"I want you both," I whisper and try to drag them closer.

"Fuck yeah," Jasper roars against my thighs, sending vibrations all the way up to my clit.

"Jesus!" Edward's lips quickly cover my gasp.

He kisses me slowly, his mouth savoring my tongue while he lowers me down to lie on the bed. Jasper is pushing my legs apart, his hands gripping my thighs, and his mouth quickly finds my already damp panties. I groan into Edward's mouth, and he rewards me by deepening the kiss. His tongue dips into my mouth to softly stroke at mine, before pulling back and gliding over my bottom lip. Jasper seems to be almost mimicking Edward's movement, brushing over me in soft strokes and then extending his tongue to push against the thin fabric covering my aching pussy.

I tilt my hips up, pressing myself against Jasper's eager mouth and bury my hands in Edward's hair, pulling him closer. His tongue is still dancing in my mouth, while he slowly unbuttons my dress. Jasper pushes up my leg, forcing Edward to break our kiss and reposition himself to give me room to spread my legs a little wider. I can feel Jasper teasing the inside edge of my panties with his knuckle, making me shudder and shift under his touch. He chuckles, hooking his fingers under the damp fabric and pulling them out of the way. I let out a low, throaty sigh as Jasper draws his tongue over me in slow purposeful strokes, while Edward's hand slips inside my dress and cups me through my bra. His thumb teases my already hard nipple through the lacy fabric of my bra, making growl.

"Fuck! Make that sound again, baby," Jasper mumbles against me, his breath like a shock of heat tickling my over stimulated skin.

"Oh, god," I choke out, while my whole body shudders and tenses.

It feels like I'm seconds away from coming, but I need more. I need something to tip me over the edge. Edward's still teasing my nipple, while Jasper traces lazy circles over my clit with his tongue.

"Edward," I gasp, putting my hands on either side of his face to get him to look at me.

"What?" He looks so earnest and concerned as he asks.

"I figure since Jasper's going down on me, you and I could go ahead and skip right to third base," I say, trying to not sound as frustrated as I feel and failing miserably.

"I don't know. I kind of like second base," he replies, giving me a shy smile and a wink.

Before I can think of a comeback he grabs the edge of my bra and yanks it down to expose my whole breast. He licks his lips and covers my breast with his mouth. Jasper chooses that exact moment to slide a finger inside me, while Edward's tongue flicks my nipple. I cry out, gripping Edward's t-shirt in my white knuckled fists and tilting my hips to ride out the pleasure that Jasper's finger is sending through me with every twist. The aching tickle at the base of my spine is screaming through my body.

"I'm close," I hiss, wishing I could draw out this moment and feeling forever.

They both answer me with moans that reverberate through me and bring me that much closer to coming. I hold my breath and try to clench around Jasper's finger, but it slips out of me. His tongue quick replaces it, and I'm moaning again. Edward's teeth lightly graze my nipple, and the thrill of pleasure makes my back arch. Then, I feel something different. It's a wet, circling pressure right on my asshole.

It's like I've been dropped into a bathtub full of ice water. I can't move or focus on anything other than that finger wiggling over a part of me that never gets that kind of attention, ever. The boys don't seem to notice that every muscle in my body is tensed. Edward continues to suck one of my nipples, while he lightly pinches the other. Jasper's tongue is working hard on my clit. That's all well and good, but his finger is doing it's best to suck all the sexiness out of this situation.

I have never had anal sex, though Sam tried to convince me it would feel great. It's not like I'm ignorant to the fact that other people like it, but I've never really seen it as appealing. All I can think about is when I over did it with a block of white cheddar and spent most of the day in the bathroom. It felt like I passed a small car, and my butt still ached for hours afterward. I can't imagine the opposite of that process feeling good. At all.

This train of thought is turning me off, badly. I need to stop it, but I can't. No matter how hard I try to ignore it, Jasper's insistent finger keeps circling and pushing, keeps knocking on my door. Fuck!

I decide to play it off with a causal, cool kind of humor. You know, say something like "slow your roll, motherfucker" and slap his hand away. It's perfect, funny and won't ruin the moment as much as my poop-centric mental downward spiral has already. I shift, gently pushing Edward off my boob and reach down toward Jasper, giving them both my best flirty smile.

"Slow your-" Before I manage to get any further Jasper's finger sinks into my ass.

I watched it happen in a strange, horrific kind of slow motion car accident. His finger slowly completes its last circuit and then slides into me, right up to his first knuckle. A burning sensation shoots through my lower body. The pain forces an involuntary cry of surprise out of my mouth. It sounds like someone stuffed a mouse inside of a goose and ran them over with a car.

"Jasper!" I vaguely register that Edward's speaking.

I can't really focus on anything other than the overwhelming feeling of having Jasper's finger wedged inside my ass. There's some kind of scuffling and a curse, then Jasper slowly pulls his finger out of me. I can almost feel the quiet pop as the tip slips out completely, though it feels like it's still in there. Oh my fucking god that was not pleasant at all.

"Jesus ever loving Christ," I gasp and look up to find them staring at me, twin expressions of panic and guilt on their faces.

It's an odd scene. Edward's poised on his knees. He's got Jasper's hair in one hand, and his other hand is fisting Jasper's shirt. Jasper has both his hands wrapped around Edward's wrist, but he doesn't seem to be fighting to get free. Actually, the longer I stare at them the more I want to laugh, and I would if could get over the fact that I just had a finger jammed up my butt!

"I'm so sorry, baby," Jasper speaks in a soft tone as Edward releases him. "I got carried away."

"Are you okay?" Edward asks, sitting down next to me, but doesn't touch me.

He looks so concerned I'm worried the pulsing vein on his forehead is going to pop.

"I'm...fine," I answer, readjusting my underwear and pulling my dress down. "It's just that part of me has never seen any action, if you know what mean."

"Shit, I'm so sorry, Lee." Jasper kneels beside me and takes my hands in his, giving me a sincere, apologetic look.

All I can think is that he's touching me with the thumb that was just in my butt, and I want to wash my hands. This thing is crazy and weird, and I kind of feel like I'm drowning.

"I need to go to the bathroom." I get up and make a break for the door.

I immediately wash my hands and try to think. The one saving grace is the pain in my butt has eased to a dull ache. At least it's being forgiving, because right now I'm not feeling it. I know it's silly to think this would all would be easy, but I'm a little pissed that it isn't. I mean, I've had sex with both of them, and god knows that Jasper never jammed his finger up my ass before.

"What the fuck was he thinking?" I grumble to myself, and lean my back against the counter.

As if to answer me, I remember that Jasper and Edward are guys that fuck each other. Anal sex is probably a regular item on the menu. Maybe it's not that strange that Jasper would think I might be game for course, my mind fills with images of both of them reenacting some of the graphic scenes I've seen in gay porn. I feel flushed and a little dizzy but mostly embarrassed. I can't believe I'm surprised by the idea of sticking stuff in my ass when I'm about to have sex with two men. If we're all going to have sex together, there are only a few options for... _positions_. My brain starts to paint a vivid picture of how that would roll out, and I'm back to being completely freaked out.

"Leah?" Edward's voice is followed by a soft knocking on the bathroom door.

My fear and anxiety swirl and transform into frustration. I swear to god if he asks me if I'm okay one more time I'm going to scream. Before he can do it I unlock and pull open the door.

I'm greeted with Edward's concerned expression. Jasper is leaning against the doorframe; the guilty look on his face conflicts with his casual posture. He won't look me in the eyes, and something about that makes me suddenly insane with anger. It would be easy to blame all this on him, but I know that's a cop out.

The truth is I'm scared, overwhelmed, and need to slow down. I'm not ready for this complicated three-way sex stuff. Sex shouldn't be this hard, should it? Maybe the hard part is admitting that I'm not as cool with it as I thought I would be. I don't want to admit any of this to the boys.

I look at them both again, and that sickening feeling in my stomach grows. I know I have to talk to them, or they're going to keep blaming themselves. Ugh, being a grown up sucks balls.

"I'm not okay," I confess, already feeling a little bit lighter.

"This is all my fault, we should have talked-" Edward starts in on his usual line of self-accusation, but I cut him off.

"No, it's my fault," I insist, shaking my head and struggling to find the right thing to say. "I can't do this."

"Oh...okay," Edward stutters, looking like he's been punched in the gut.

I immediately realize he misunderstood me. Jesus Christ, this fucking Catholic boy and his guilt. I rush forward and grab his hands.

"No! I mean sex," I insist, pulling his arms around my waist and hope that the gesture will help him believe my words.

"Sex?" He looks dazed and suspicious like it can't be something so simple.

"Yes, sex," I repeat, fighting the urge to roll my eyes. "Things are moving a little too fast for me. Can we slow it down a little?"

"We can do slow," Jasper insists, stepping forward with a hopeful expression on his face.

"Absolutely," Edward adds, kissing my forehead.

"Thank fuck!" I exhale loudly and lean my head on Edward's shoulder, relief flooding through me.

Jasper visibly relaxes and finally starts to look like his usual self, a small smile on his face. He steps forward, reaching out his hand to touch me. I panic again.

"Whoa!" I raise my hand, stopping him in his tracks. "You need to wash that finger before you touch me again."

Edward busts out laughing, and Jasper rolls his eyes and walks over to the sink. I take a moment to look up at Edward. He smiles, a look of bewildered awe on his face. It's a strange expression, and it makes me self-conscious..

"What?" I ask with a frown, sure he's going to tease me about being a germaphobe or something, but he just shakes his head.

"Nothing," he insists, kissing my nose.

I want to push, to ask why he looks at me like I'm so fucking special. It reminds me of the look that Jasper gave me when we back in the room. I don't like the weight that comes with that look. It's unnerving.

"All clean," Jasper announces loudly.

He holds his hands up for inspection, but I don't bother to look at his hands. It's the look in his eyes that catches my attention. Despite the flirty smirk on his face, his eyes hold a hint of guilt and...fear? It doesn't look right on Jasper, and it makes my chest heavy again.

"Come here," I say, my voice wavering slightly as I wave him closer.

He moves slowly, lowering his hands to his sides and bites his bottom lip. The gesture is supposed to look flirty, but right now it makes him look shy, almost tentative. I slip a finger through one of the belt loops on his jeans and tug him closer.

He gasps, bumping into my body, and I turn to wrap my arms around his waist. Edward's arms wrap around mine and pull all three of us closer together, smashing the breath out of me with the impact. I let out a short huff of a laugh that Edward echoes, but Jasper looks very serious.

"I'm so sorry, Lee," he whispers, sliding his hands along the sides of my face, and pulls me closer.

It feels like he's apologizing for more than the slip up in the bedroom. It almost feels like he's asking for me to do more than forgive him. I can't bring myself to quite face what he's really asking. It's stupid that I'm afraid of taking this step, especially considering I've just taken it with Edward, but I can't deny the paralyzing fear Jasper's look is sending through me. I take a shallow kind of comfort from the fact he's just as much of a coward as I am for not speaking his feelings out loud.

"It's okay," I reply, swallowing my fears, and press my lips against his.

While Jasper and I kiss, Edward presses his lips to my neck. I can feel his hands moving over both of us in slow, comforting caresses. It seems like it should feel weird, but it doesn't. Even though his lips aren't involved in the kiss it still feels like he's a part of this moment, and that makes the last of my fear fall away. We stay there for a long time kissing and touching. I wish we could stay in this moment where we don't have to think or talk, where it all just happens so naturally. Finally, Jasper breaks the kiss and leans back to look at both of us.

"We good?" Jasper asks in a raspy voice, with one hand on my cheek while the other cradles Edward's face.

His expression is unreadable, but the look in his eyes is intense. I nod and lean into his hand. Edward says yes and mirrors my movements, leaning forward into Jasper's touch.

"Good," Jasper sighs, closing his eyes for a second and then let's out a shaky laugh. "Now, I'm gonna have to kick you two out, 'cause if I'm not getting laid I need to take care of some business."

He leans forward into my body, and I can feel the hard line of his dick against my hip. It makes me gasp as he kisses Edward. He steps back and looks at me. The calloused pad of his thumb strokes over my bottom lip, leaving me trembling. A slowly sultry smile spreads across Jasper's lips, before he turns away and walks over to the shower.

"We'll wait for you in bed," Edward calls out and pulls me toward the door.

I catch a glimpse of Jasper's naked chest as he pulls off his t-shirt. He glances up at me as the door closes and gives me a wink. Whose bright idea was it to not have sex? Damn!

"I'm going to get some pajamas," Edward says, kissing my cheek. "Want a pair?"

He knows I love to wear his pajama bottoms to bed. I'm always sneaking into his room to steal them. I nod and give his hand a squeeze. As I watch him walk toward his room it hits me. While I decided I'm not ready to have sex with him, it doesn't mean that he and Jasper can't. Not that the idea of listening to them fuck in the shower while I wait in bed is really appealing, but it seems unfair to make them hold off because I'm being a baby about buttfucking.

"Hey," I call to him and grab his arm. "Don't you...uh, want to give him a hand?"

Edward snorts with laughter and shakes his head, a wide smile spreading across his face as he speaks. "I think it's best if we all hold off on sex until we sort out the details."

"I guess that makes sense," I say with a shrug and give him my best pissy look. "When did you get all wise and shit?"

"I wouldn't go that far," he counters, shaking his head and pulling me close. "I'm just playing it safe."

He kisses my nose and then smacks my ass hard. Before I can do more than let out an indignant squawk he runs to his room and slams the door. I can't help but laugh, while I rub my ass. I head back into my room, and Edward joins me a few minutes later. He's dressed in a pair of plaid pajama pants with no t-shirt. I can't help but admire how his nipple rings glitter in the low light of my bedside lamp.

He hands me a pair of plain navy pajama bottoms, and I quickly slip them on along with a ratty t-shirt. We don't speak as we climb into bed, but we don't really need to. Edward snuggles in next to me, wrapping his arms around my shoulders. It feels so good to be back in his arms again. I feel like I can handle anything if I have him here to help me. Funny how that thought doesn't make me feel weak or needy.

Edward sighs softly, his hand brushing my hair away from my face. I turn my head, pressing my cheek into the cool fabric of the pillowcase and look at him in the dim light. There's that damn smile again. It's so small, sweet, and content. I almost envy his calm.

"Hey," is all I can manage to say.

"Hey," he replies with a slightly wider smile.

He's got that look in his eyes again. It's making me uncomfortable and squirmy. I can't take it.

"What's with the starry-eyed shit, Cullen?" I give his chest a playful shove, but I know he can hear the weirdness in my tone.

"I'm just glad you're still here." He shrugs, like he didn't just punch me in the chest with his words.

Was he really afraid I was running out? Shit. It does sound like something I'd do… but not to him. Never to Edward. Sure, I talk a good game, tell myself I could walk away from this whole thing at any moment, but it's all hot air. I couldn't walk away, not from Edward. Even at the worst, when I thought Jasper had left me and that Edward was never going to speak to me again, I didn't leave.

"The only way I'm going to leave is if you kick me out," I reassure him, placing my hand on his cheek while looking into his eyes.

I watch a parade of emotions pass over his face – worry, love, fear and finally relief. He settles back into that smile, and my heart does a strange little flip flop in my chest. It feels good to tell him, like I've brought him closer, though neither one of us moved.

"Well then, I guess we're stuck with each other," he says in a quiet laugh.

I don't realize I'm smiling back until kisses the corners of my mouth and makes me laugh. He pulls me into his arms, hugging me close and continues to kiss my hair. It feels silly and self-indulgent. I kind of love it.

"Are you going to lurk in the doorway for the rest of the night or join us," Edward says, startling me out of our private moment.

I glance up to see Jasper leaning on the doorframe and rubbing his head with a towel. All he's wearing is a pair of boxer shorts and a smirk.

"Can't you let a man enjoy the view?" Leave it to him to say some the cheesiest shit ever and still sell me on that fact that he means it. Smooth motherfucker never quits.

"Shut up and get into bed," Edward chuckles, pulling me closer to make room in the bed.

Jasper tosses the towel to the floor and walks over to slide into bed next to me. He turns off the bedside lamp, plunging us into darkness. I feel him roll toward me, sandwiching me between him and Edward. It's awkward for a few seconds while everyone adjusts their limbs into comfortable spots. Then we settle into silence.

"Good night," Jasper whispers, his breath brushing over my cheek.

"Night," Edward answers, his lips against the skin of my shoulder.

I let out a slow breath, enjoying the way their bodies cradle me. Edward's chest moves against my back with each breath he takes, and Jasper's heart is beating steadily under my palm. I'm surrounded by their arms, bodies, and warmth. That connection I felt earlier in the evening washes through me. It muffles all the thoughts and fears still buzzing inside my mind. This, whatever it is, will not be easy, but if it means I can have this feeling it will be worth it.

"Good night," I sigh and smile into the darkness, feeling for the first time tonight that things might just be okay.


	7. Chapter 7

It's been almost a week since the guys and I had _the talk_. While I'd love to say we've had a ton of time to talk and work out all the details of our new arrangement, I can't. Between school, studying and Jasper's practice we've barely had time to see each other, much less talk.

Every night I get home from class, I have dinner with Edward. Sometimes Jasper stops by between class and practice. We exchange kisses and hugs, a couple of ass slaps on Jasper's part, and then he has to leave. Edward and I study together, but that's mostly all it is, studying. Spending a week in a haze while Jasper was gone has kind of screwed up my class work, though Edward, as usual, has been a great help.

By the time Jasper makes it home, Edward and I are usually waiting in bed, if not already asleep. His coach was pretty pissed about his disappearing act, and while there's no way they'd kick him off the team he has had to do a lot of extra hours of practice. Jasper says he doesn't care how many laps his coach makes him run as long as he can come home to Edward and me.

Sharing my twin-size bed with them has been tricky, but the snuggling, joking, and kissing more than makes up for the crick in my neck. I haven't really had to think about what's next, until Jasper mentioned that he'd have a couple days off practice starting Friday. Of course, I knew it meant we would be free to spend time together, free to do...stuff. So in my panic and frantic need to structure this sexual show down I opened my mouth before I thought.

" _Then let's make Friday date night," I said, pulling my nightshirt over my head._

" _Date night?" Jasper looked bewildered, though he was smiling._

_"Date night sounds great" Edward replied, kissing Jasper's cheek and walking over to wrap his arms around my waist. "Let's go to Costas."_

" _Yes," I cheered, and flung my arms around his neck._

So, just like that it was decided. That was last night. Needless to say it was a long, somewhat sleepless night for me. The panic that I'd had that first night when the finger incident happened was back full force. In fact, it was laying the tracks for a new and terrifying train of thought.

I've watched a lot of porn since I started college. After all, that's what any red-blooded American girl does once she's away from home and has a lock on her door. For a while it was like a fun, fascinating adventure, though as I explored everything I could find, I found some things that were not sexy at all to me. Still, I was curious, and I watched a lot of different stuff. Straight, gay, even some group porn. What girl doesn't wonder what it would be like to be with two guys at once? Soon enough I discovered no matter the set-up or scenario, there is only one place that sex with two guys and one girl leads.

Double penetration.

The first time I saw it in a porn, I was horrified. The scene started out innocently enough. The guys were kissing the girl, taking turns going down on her and fondling her breasts. Then she straddled one of the guys, while she sucked the other one's dick. At the time I thought it was a lot of work for a girl, but she seemed to enjoy it. Then, out of nowhere, the guy getting blown pushed her forward, spit on his hand, rubbed her ass, and then jammed his dick in.

No warning, no _'hey are you down with having a giant cock in your ass,'_ nothing. Just spit and slam. The girl made this low, grunting cry that sounded an awful lot like a cry of pain. As the boys started pounding away at her, the sounds she made did not improve. I didn't look at porn for weeks after that.

Right now, as I stand outside my front door, I have the human shish kabob running in a never-ending loop of in my head. This sucks so hard. I want to be ready, but I'm no sure how to get ready for that. I swallow around the lump in my throat and hope to god the guys understand. Maybe we should just cancel the date and hang out here. Watch a movie and cuddle. I am so lame.

I take a deep breath, push that self-deprecating bullshit to back of my mind and decide to focus on the positive. After all, I have two gorgeous guys that want me. They care a lot about me too, and I know that if I'm honest with them they will understand. We could work around this...for now.

I'm barely make it through the door when Edward comes running down the hallway to greet me with an earth-shattering kiss. When he finally pulls away I'm breathless and slightly cross-eyed. _Holy panty melting tongue action, Batman!_

"Hi," he says with a dorky little half smile and pulls me into a hug. "I missed you."

"You saw me this morning," I reply, still feeling a little stunned and weak in the knees.

"Yeah, but it's different tonight," he says, looking down at me with this open expression of excitement and love. "We get the whole night and weekend together."

I smile. I can't help it. Edward's giddiness is contagious. Fuck it's hard to resist him when he's so damn happy. It's like Jasper always says _Happy Edward is a thing of beauty that's brings joy forever_.

I used to think he bastardized the quote to annoy Edward, but now I realize what he means. It's so new and part of what I love about what's change between all of us. I had seen Edward happy plenty of times, but the level of contentment and joy he projects whenever he's with us is downright intoxicating. Or maybe I'm just feeling it, too.

"I have a surprise," Edward whispers in my ear, sending a shiver through me.

"I bet you do," I tease, giving him a suspicious look.

Edward laughs, stepping back to cross his arms and shake his head at me. He is trying to look serious, but his bright red "Kiss the Cook" apron is ruining it. Just below the bold, white letters you can see the apostrophe 's' and cock scrawled in Jasper's messy handwriting. He even added a rather accurate drawing of Edward's dick, piercing included. I can still remember when he took the sharpie to Edward's apron after they'd a big fight about Jasper leaving his paintbrushes in the shower. Of course the plan to destroy Edward's favorite apron with crude graffiti totally backfired. Edward has been proudly wearing it ever since.

"None of that business," he scolds me with a smile, taking my backpack off my shoulder and pulling me toward the bedroom. "At least not until Jasper gets home."

"I thought he didn't have practice this weekend," I grumble, trying to keep up with Edward's long strides.

"He's helping Emmett move the rest of Kate's stuff into their new place," Edward says, opening my door and waving me in. "He should be home in an hour or so."

I walk into my room and immediate stop in my tracks. My bed is gone. Either that or it had a growth spurt while I was at class. It's huge, taking up most of the room. Not only that, it has a frame. There's a tall sloping wooden headboard with intricate patterns carved into it. I've never had a bed frame, unless you count the thin metal kind that just keep the box spring off the floor. This is way fancier than that; it's really pretty and in some ways reminds of Edward. Only this is really new and shiny.

"Remember how I had the gift card from Alice that she wanted me to use to redecorate my room," Edward speaks softly and cautiously walks into the room.

"Yeah," I reply, while continuing to stare at the bed.

"I decided this would be a better use of the money," he says, taking a seat on the foot of the bed and giving me hopeful smile.

There's a bunch of fancy looking pillows piled on top of a red and gold brocade comforter. It all looks new and expensive. Sometimes I forget that Edward's family has money. Not that it bothers me. I don't mind if he pays for dinner or buys me the occasional book, because I just have to read it. This somehow feels different, though I can't quite figure out why. All I know is this is big.

"What do you think?" Edward gives me a hopeful grin, like he's trying to sell me on it with his sweet smile.

_Someone has been spending too much time with Jasper._

I cross my arms over my chest and make a non-committal sound that's somewhere between a sigh and grunt. My brain swirls and churns, while I try to figure out what it is about the bed that bothers me. Then I realize that it's not the only thing that's different.

One of Jasper's paint-stained drop cloths and an easel is set up where my dresser used to be. It looks empty without a canvas sitting on it. I wonder if Jasper knows that Edward moved it. He hates it when anyone touches his art supplies; that's why he doesn't use the space the art department supplies for students. Which points to him being part of this little redecoration project. Sneaky fuckers.

My dresser is now on the wall next to the closet, which is fine, and my desk hasn't moved. Though now Edward's laptop is set up right beside mine on top of my desk, but that's cool too. They look kind of cozy, sitting side by side, both with Jasper's wolf and lion crests decorating the lids. The braided ring of wheat has always been my favorite part, how it surrounds and connects the two animals.

"Leah?" Edward moves up behind me, and wraps his arms around my waist, resting his chin on my shoulder. "What are you thinking?"

I force myself to think hard before I answer him. The feeling inside me that's making me nervous and apprehensive to answer isn't bad. It's just big. Fuck, there's that word again. I don't know how else to describe it.

Logically this move makes sense. My room has pretty much been _our_ room since we became... whatever we are. There it is, that feeling. It's swelling in my chest, like there's a giant balloon inflating inside me. I think it's really dawning on me. This is what we are now. All three of us, together in my room. Edward and Jasper are not just a part my life but inside my life. I'm reeling but also very happy.

"I like it," I speak the thought as it pops into my head.

"Promise?" Edward whispers in my ear, pulling me closer to him, and I can't help but smile.

"Yes," I sigh, the pressure from his hold on me pushing the air from my lungs and making me feel like I'm part of him.

"Excellent!" Edward hisses and suddenly my feet are off the ground.

I'm screaming and flailing like an idiot, but Edward just laughs and throws me onto the bed. I land in the center, the impact causing the pile of pillows to tumble down on me. A large, heavy lump that I assume is Edward lands on top of me, and I immediately start slapping at him through the pillows. His laughter fills the air, while he uses a pillow to deflect my blows.

"Fucking jerk!" Since when did Edward get such fast reflexes? I can't get past the damn frilly fucking pillow in his hands.

It's driving me insane. Finally, I decide to play dirty. I sneak my hand under the pillow and into the top of his jeans. His whole body jerks, and he makes this adorable strangled groan just as I manage to wrap my hand around his dick. _Hello, little Edward it's been so long since we've spent quality time together._

"Lee...fuck...don't," Edward stutters and gasps, while I roll him onto his back.

I immediately attack his neck, nipping and lick his Adam's apple. He groans, while his hips buck against my hand. I can't really do much inside the tight confines of his jeans. So, I give his dick a gentle massage with my fingers, and there is no doubt that he likes what I'm doing.

"You taste so fucking good," I whisper in his ear, and he groans so loud I hear it echo off the walls.

That's Clearwater one, Cullen nothing. Score for me!

I'm having so much fun I don't notice that someone else is in the room, until I feel hands on my hips. Before I can do more than yelp, Jasper pulls me against his body and leans over my back.

"Is this a private party or can anyone play?" Jasper laughs against my shoulder, while he grinds his dick against my ass cheek.

I moan and move against him, enjoying the feel of him. He nudges me forward and pulls my hand from Edward's pants. I let out a grunt once I'm sandwiched between them, but Edward quickly moves himself into just the right spot and rubs his dick against me. It's amazing and overwhelming being trapped in the middle of this dry humping pile.

"You're so beautiful," Edward pants against my cheek, while his hands cradle my face.

"Fuck, baby!" Jasper growls, shifting between kissing my neck and licking Edward's chin.

I fist my hands in Edward's shirt and try to increase the friction between us while still moving where Jasper's hands are steering my hips. It's a strange but workable rhythm. The need for some kind of release drives me on. It's only been a week since I had sex with Edward, but it feels like a year; this dull friction is making it fucking worse. I need to fucking come, but I can't get there. _God damn it!_

"I need more!" I blurt out through gritted teeth and punch the mattress beside Edward's shoulder.

It was just a thought. I didn't mean to say it out loud, but the boys react like it's a command. Jasper pulls me back, and Edward's already working on my jeans. I don't know what to do, so I watch in a kind of numb fascination. Edward yanks my jeans down my hips, and Jasper loops an arm around my waist pulling me up off the bed. Just like that I'm naked from the waist down.

"Look Ma' no hands!" I can't help but giggle at my own joke, like a fucking tool.

Jasper laughs with me, but Edward still has look that says he is all business. He grabs my hips and pulls me back down to kneel right over his face. I don't really know what to say, actually I do, but screaming "Yee-Haw" feels like it might kill the mood a little. So, I just give him a moan of appreciation and comb my fingers though his hair.

"Just a sec, sweetness," Jasper says, grabbing the bottom of my shirt and lifting it over my head. "Nice."

I catch him admiring my bare breasts and give him a wink. It's laundry day, and I have small enough tits to get away with it. Jasper being Jasper just gives me soft golf clap to show his appreciation and takes a seat at the head of the bed. Then Edward grabs my hips and pulls me down on top of him. His tongue touches me, and I let out a startled cry.

Edward is making the most amazing sounds, while he licks and sucks at me. They're deep, hungry sounds that are vibrating my clit in a way that makes it feel like a never-ending electrical shock. I can't stop gasping and jerking every few seconds. It's ridiculous and embarrassing as fuck, but I can't stop. It feels too good.

"Fucking beautiful sight," Jasper groans, drawing my attention to him again, and the sight nearly makes me come.

He is kicked back against the headboard, jeans unzipped, with his hand stroking his dick. The look on his face is indescribable, like he's overwhelmed by what he's seeing. I don't think I have ever seen him look so out of control, but I do know that I like it, a lot.

"Like what you see?" I lean back and spread my legs a little wider, while cupping my breasts.

I kind of feel silly posing like a centerfold or porno star; it's just not who I am. While I'm biting my lip, trying to figure out how to be sexier, Edward shifts his tongue, and another shot of electric pleasure shoots through me. I gasp and look down at him. He gives me a wink and starts to move, reaching over the tops of my thighs. I watch as he parts my lips with his fingertips and slowly slides his tongue inside me.

"Motherfucker!" I growl, grabbing a fist full of his hair and feeling the beginning spark of my climax smolder in my belly.

"That's right," Jasper hisses.

I look up at him and find his eyes closed. There's a fine sheen of sweat on his forehead and upper lip. He's close. I can tell, and I'm so fucking turned on by the fact that he's getting off on watching us.

"Open your eyes!" I don't know where this voice is coming from, but I love how he immediately obeys me. "Good boy."

Edward's breath beats against me, and I realize he's laughing. I smile down at him, and tighten my grip in his hair. His eyes almost look they're sparkling, like he is smiling with his eyes. I can feel his tongue moving inside me, and his finger is circling my clit at the same pace. It's about to hit. I can feel it, and every muscle in my body tightens in preparation.

"Oh my fucking god!" Jasper cries out, and I can't stop myself from watching him.

Just as I see his hips jerk up my own orgasm tears through me, and I start to scream. It's like my skin is on fire, a delicious, unbelievably intense inferno eating me alive. I ride it out, wave after wave shaking me and making me fall forward. Someone catches me and eases me down to lay on my side. I can't see who it is, because I'm too busy twitching and giggling like an idiot.

Okay, so this isn't exactly how I planned our night to go. We were supposed to talk about the details of our relationship over dinner, discuss how sex was going to work, and then come home for naked fun time. Not that I mind jumping the gun. This is me so _not_ minding. I stretch like a cat across the bed and decide I should say something to the boys. When I open my eyes I immediately lose the ability to speak. All I do is watch in stunned silence as Jasper lowers his mouth over Edward's exposed dick. Shit they move fast.

Jasper is gripping the top of Edward's jeans, holding them open while he works. It's fascinating to watch him move over Edward's cock. I've never seen someone else give a blowjob in real life. It's kind of entrancing. Jasper is good, like really good. I'm going to have to ask for pointers.

"Uhhh...Jaz," Edward moans breathlessly, his fingers playing over Jasper's chin.

Jasper pulls back, letting Edward's dick slide from his mouth, and kisses Edward's fingertips. He yanks hard on Edward's jeans, pulling them a little further down and lowers his head to suck on Edward's balls. I have never ever heard Edward make a sound quite like the stuttered groan that's coming out of his mouth right now. It sends shivers down my spine, and it's kind of turning me own. His hips are off the bed, and his hands are gripping the comforter.

Jasper pulls his head back, a wide grin on his face, and drags his tongue along the underside of Edward's dick. His dick is so hard and shiny, it looks practically purple. When Jasper reaches the top, his tongue dances over the tip and slides over the beads of Edward's piercing. Edward hisses, his head snapping up, and he grabs ahold of the sides of Jasper's head.

The expression on Edward's face is a little scary. His lips are pulled back from his teeth, and his eyes are hooded. My sweet emo poet is gone, leaving behind a furious, sexy man. Holy fucking shit is he hot. The muscles in Edward's arms flex, while Jasper slowly opens his mouth and lowers his head again. He takes Edward all the way in, until his lips kiss Edward's pelvis. Both Edward and I let out a gasp, while Jasper works his way back up, but Edward stops him. His fingers dig into the side of Jasper's head, it has to hurt but it looks like Jasper is enjoying it.

"No more fucking teasing," he growls through his teeth, while Jasper smiles around his dick.

I can feel the tension rolling off both of them. I'm frozen, unable to breathe, while I watch them. Jasper blinks twice, and Edward nods. It's like there's some silent communication going on that I'm not catching, but I suppose I don't need to. Then Edward's hips start to move, his hands flex and hold Jasper's head in place. I bite my lip to keep from making a sound, because I can't believe what I'm seeing. Edward is fucking Jasper's mouth, and he's not being all that nice about.

Jesus Christ!

I can see Jasper's fingers curling into Edward's stomach, but he doesn't close his eyes. They stare at each other the entire time. Jasper's head vibrates each time Edward's hips thrust upward. It is hypnotizing. I have no sense of time, no sense of anything...just the slow slide of Edward's dick past Jasper's lips.

"Jaz," Edward chokes out and thrusts hard.

Jasper angles his head allowing his lips touch Edward's pelvis. Jasper's Adam's apple slowly bobs as he swallows, and Edward's entire body trembles. Jasper slowly eases off, while Edward gasps for air. I watch in wonder as Jasper shifts up to kiss Edward. Their lips move at a fevered pace, tongues sliding over each one another. It's beautiful and sexy, and I want more.

I don't realize that I'm speaking until I hear myself say, "Do it again."

Edward turns to give me a look of shock that quickly transforms into a smile of delight. He reaches out to me, beckoning me closer. I scoot over and am immediately rewarded with kisses from both of them.

"Well that's one hell of a way to work up an appetite," Jasper laughs, wrapping his arms around both of us.


	8. Chapter 8

"What do you want?" Edward smiles down at Jasper, a hint of flirty glee sparkling in his eyes.

"Lemon chicken, please," Jasper replies with a smirk and tilts his head back, so Edward can kiss him.

It is still amazing to watch them in these moments. The easy, intimate nature of their touching. Edward's fingers brush along Jasper's cheek, his whole body arching over Jasper who's draped lazily over the arm of the couch. Edward slides his hands in Jasper's hair, deepening the kiss, and tugs hard on Jasper's blond curls. Jasper groans and fists his hands in Edward's coat, wrapping his long legs around Edward's calves to pull him closer. I'm getting a little dizzy from watching them, and at this rate we're never going to eat. So, I decide to break things up.

"You know it's going to be hard for him to get us food with you attached to his face," I remark, and they both erupt into laughter.

Edward gives Jasper one last kiss, a gentle closed mouth press of lips, and releases his hair. Their eyes are still locked on each other as Edward walks over to my side of the couch. Jasper finally breaks their gaze and gives me a smirk that looks a lot like he's gloating.

"You know, patience is a virtue," Jasper insists and gives me a flirty wink.

"And gloating is a sign of insecurity," I insist right back, sticking out my tongue.

"You two..." Edward laughs, pulls me close, and kisses me.

His lips are soft and warm; his tongue tastes sharp. The clear memory of the slow sweep of Edward's tongue over Jasper's lips flashes through my mind, and I suddenly realize what I'm tasting. It's both Edward and Jasper. They merge into a tangy flavor on my tongue, leaving me trembling a little.

I moan into Edward's mouth and fist his shirt in my hands, wishing he would press closer into my body. Never before in my life have I wanted to suck a guy's dick so badly, but this taste makes me want him in mouth. Hell, it makes me want both of them at the same time. The thought and vivid images it inspires floods me with heat. I eagerly suck on Edward's tongue, and he makes a hungry sound that vibrates through me. His tongue slides free of my mouth and playfully swipes it over my upper lip, making me lean closer, but he's only teasing me. He cradles the back of my neck and gently sucks at my bottom lip, his teeth grazing the slightly swollen flesh, before finally pulling away. I'm flushed and so horny I'm worried I might leave a wet spot on the couch.

"I already know what you want to eat," Edward whispers, his eyes never leaving mine, and I know the couch is going to need to be cleaned.

"You better get the fuck out of here before we both attack you," Jasper says, laughing, and tosses a pillow at Edward's head.

It bounces off Edward and hits me in the face, knocking me out of my stupor. I want to complain about Jasper interrupting, but my stomach growls loudly, reminding me that I haven't had anything to eat since lunch. Those tiny chocolate chips cookies from the vending machine in the library are long gone.

"You should go," I mumble, my voice still a little unsteady, and slowly dislodge my fingers from Edward's wrinkled t-shirt.

"You make it hard to leave when you blush like that," Edward says, kissing my forehead, and I give him a half-hearted scowl in return.

"I don't blush," I grumble and feel a little less shaken.

I always feel more solid when I'm being bitchy. Or at least I usually do when Edward's not smiling down at me like I'm amazing. His eyes are shining. For a second I wonder if he's going to cry, but he banishes it with a shake of his head.

"Should I pick up something to drink?" he asks Jasper, who's stretching out across the couch to lay his head in my lap.

"Nah, we've got some wine and a half rack of beer," he answers, sliding his hands behind his head and making a show of getting comfortable.

Jasper's smiling like a fat cat. Edward looks at him for a second; he's smiling, but there's something in his eyes that makes my chest tighten again. It's that look again, like he sees me as something special; only he isn't just looking at me like that. I look down at Jasper, who looks even happier, and I can't help but smile, too.

"I better go before I attack you two," Edward sighs and reluctantly walks away from us.

The front door closes, leaving Jasper and me alone. Jasper's head is still resting in my lap, and my hand is buried in his golden hair. It's weird but also kind of comfortable in a strange way, like I can still feel Edward's presence in the air. I don't think I have ever felt this at ease with Jasper. I can hear his soft, steady breaths. It is hypnotic and kind of relaxing.

"I wonder what kind of trouble we can get into while he's gone," Jasper teases as he rolls over so he can see me, his fingers twining around a loose lock of my hair and lightly tugs on it.

"You planning on giving me a world class blow job, too?" I gently slap his hand away from my hair and raise a single eyebrow to challenge him.

"Play your cards right, little lady and I just might," he laughs, pulling me down to kiss him, and it feels so _nice._

It's tentative at first, like we're both unsure of how it is supposed to work without Edward, but soon enough I stop caring. Jasper has this slow, steady rhythm to his movements, like he'd be content to kiss me like this all damn day. His tongue brushes over my lips and then dips inside my mouth to stroke my tongue. That same flavor of both of them is there, making me stutter a little bit as I try to breathe.

I make a sound that is somewhere in between a whimper and a moan. Jasper's reaction is instantaneous. He raises up, pulling me with him as he goes and sits back on the couch. His lips never leave mine as he lifts me onto his lap. The speed and strength leaves me dizzy. I'm straddling his lap, his hands are everywhere at once, his touch setting every inch of my skin on fire.

I'm moving in his lap, shamelessly rubbing myself against him and loving every tortuous brush of fabric-covered flesh. It's so close to being too much, but I ride the waves and urge him on, wanting so bad to be naked. He shifts his hips up against me, and my mind is reminding me of how much better his movements feel when he's inside me. Jasper's teeth graze my throat, while his fingers dig into my skin of my lower back. I have to gasp for air like a fish drowning in open air. His fingers slips lower, under my panties, and slide between my ass cheeks. Panic surges through me, and I shake myself out of my horny stupor. Edward isn't here; Jasper's touching my ass, and I'm still not sure where we all stand with anything.

"Stop," I say, breaking the kiss, and put my hand on his chest.

I can't catch my breath. This feeling swirling and taking shape in my chest is kind of amazing and really overwhelming. It's got me all turned around and weirded out. Something is different. After watching him and Edward together, it's like I'm seeing him for the first time. This isn't the Jasper I'm used to. The cocky, self-assured manwhore is nowhere in sight. I'm looking at the man that let Edward fuck his mouth. He has that same look in his eyes, a strange hesitance and need. The expression on his face adds weight to what we're doing that is turning the whirlwind of emotions inside me into a tornado.

"What's wrong?" He looks confused and frustrated, making me feel like a jerk.

"We shouldn't be doing this when he's not here," I insist, panicked and I try to move away, but he grabs my thighs in his hands and holds me still.

"Is that the real reason?" His question and the hurt look on his face makes me feel even guiltier, but I don't know why.

"Well, you were also touching my ass again," I snap, wishing he didn't make me feel like such a bitch when I'm trying to do the right thing.

"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph! Am I ever going to live that down?" He sounds exasperated, amused, and annoyed all at the same time.

"I'm sorry if I'm not some big anal queen!" I yell in his face, because now I'm very sure I'm not the asshole in this situation. "How would you like it if I shoved my finger in your ass?"

Jasper smiles, actually fucking smiles like this is all one big joke, and says, "I might like it a lot, actually."

That shuts me up and makes me jerk back up so fast that I nearly fall off the couch. He catches me, wrapping his arms around my waist, and pulls me back against his chest, while laughing at me. Which really pisses me. I can't stand how he fucking throws me off like this, but then again it is nothing new. This is how Jasper and I always are, always have been, and part of me wonders if we'll always be this way.

"Are you fucking with me?" I push his hands off me and quickly move off him to sit on the other side of the couch.

"Yes and no," he sighs, leaning back, and shrugs. "I can't help it. You're all over the place, and frankly, it's giving me a bit of a headache."

I frown but don't argue. He's right. I'm a flake and a half, but I can't bring myself to admit it, which makes me feel like a coward. Jasper seems to sense that I'm mentally kicking my own ass, because he sighs and gives me a sympathetic look.

"Come on, Lee, coy looks all kinds of wrong on you," Jasper says, giving me an encouraging wink. "What has you so spooked?"

All I can think is, where should I start? My brain swirls with all my questions and doubts, making my dizzy and frustrated. I hate being like this, especially when I'm with Jasper. It's so much easier when Edward is here, but I know that I depend on him way too much. I need to stop being such a big baby and just fucking talk. _Suck it up, Clearwater._

"I don't know how this all works," I sigh, wishing that confession didn't make my eyes sting a little. "Things feel different when it's just the two of us, and I don't know what is okay and what's off limits. I don't know how the sex is going to work, and that kinda freaks me out."

I finally stop because I feel like I'm rambling, and Jasper chuckles, which confirms that I am. His laughter irritates me, but mostly because I know that I'm acting stupid and would totally laugh if I were in his shoes. In fact, I know for a fact I would be teasing the shit out of him if he were the one blathering like a spaz. God, I am such an asshole.

"If memory serves we've had sex, and it seemed to work out fine," Jasper says, leaning over a little more to slide his hand over my foot, and starts massaging my ankle. "As for the rest of that stuff, we'll sort it out with Ed when he gets back. Though, I can tell you that he and I both don't mind if you go one-on-one with either of us. While, I love sex with all three of us, I do enjoy the difference of being with you two separately, too."

He has a point. Sex with Ed is different from sex with him and really different from sex with both of them. I still want to hear Edward say that he is okay with Jasper and me, but I also want to make sure he knows I don't mind the two of them being together. In fact, I kind of like it. I wouldn't even mind watching, but is that all our sex life is going to be. If so, will it be enough?

"What if I can't do everything you want?" I can't look at him while I ask, so I watch his hand as it stills and pulls away; it suddenly feels like there's a stone sinking through the bottom of my stomach.

"What do you mean?" His voice sounds weird, like I've just said something horrible, and maybe I have.

"Like ass stuff," I mumble and feel like a child. "Would that be a deal breaker?"

"What do you mean by ass stuff, Lee?" He sounds irritated, making me look up to see him staring at the floor with an intense expression on his face. "I'm not a mind reader."

Is he really that set on fucking me in the ass? I can't believe he's this upset over something like anal sex, but maybe I've been naive about all us. If he can't get past something like not having anal sex, maybe none of this will work. I guess it's better we find out now before things become too serious. Of course, even as I try to be logical and mature about the situation, something inside my chest feels like it's bleeding. The thought of Jasper walking away feels real right now, and it's freaking me out.

"I don't think I can handle anal sex!" I choke a little on the words and feel like I'm going to cry, but I fight it back. "It wasn't comfortable when your finger was in there, and I can't even imagine what your dick would be like..."

"Hol' on a second! You're talkin' about no anal sex with _you_?" Jasper look's at me with an expression of shock that quickly melts into amused wonder.

"Yes," I reply, confused by his wide, relieved smile.

"Lord in heaven, Leah, I thought...never mind," he laughs, shaking his head and scoots across the couch. "Of course we don't have to do that, sweetness."

"Wait!" I shrug him off, and glare at him, annoyed that he had me so worked up. "What did you think I meant?"

Jasper leans back, and looks sheepish, which doesn't look right on him at all. "I thought you meant that Ed and I couldn't..."

"Oh!" I blurt it out, heat filling my face and spreading lower.

My mind recasts Edward and Jasper in one of my favorite porn videos involving to guys going at it like rabbits. "I don't mind that at all."

"Good to know," Jasper says with a sly grin.

The front door slams open, and there's a scuffling sound from the hallway. It takes me a few seconds to realize who it is, and I immediately stand up. Jasper's already rushing toward the front door. I round the corner to see Jasper taking a large box from Edward's arms and giving him a kiss.

"Did you buy the whole restaurant?" Jasper shakes his head and turns to carry the box past me, giving me a wink on his way to the dinning room.

"Miss me?" Edward kisses me as he unbuttons his jacket and puts his cold hands on my neck.

"Fucker!" I jump and slap his hand away but let him run them along my thighs while we walk to the dining room.

Edward heads to the table while I go to the kitchen to get drinks. I grab us all beers, hand them out, and take a seat. It feels nice and comfortable again. All the weirdness is gone, and I wonder how much of that has to do with Edward being here. I watch Jasper and Edward unload the take-out containers from the box and arrange them on the table.

They smile at each other and occasionally bump shoulders, but there's no tension in them at all. So unlike Jasper and me. We're like sandpaper on asphalt. Maybe that's what works for us, but how do we find a safe middle ground where I don't want to punch him and he isn't taunting me. My mind seems to answer the question with the clear memory of Jasper kissing me, while his hands moved over my body. Okay, I'll admit shit seems to flow smoothly when we're fucking around, but can you really maintain a long-term relationship like that?

"Did you two have fun while I was gone?" Edward asks, setting an open container of spanakopita in front of me and taking a sip of his beer.

I grab a triangle of spanakopita, my mouth watering like a leaky fire hydrant, and am about to nod at Edward, when Jasper beats me to the punch. "Yes, we got into all kinds of trouble. Didn't we, sweetness?"

I hold the delicious slice of spinachie, cheesie goodness inches from my mouth but can't take a bite, because I'm too busy glaring at Jasper. He's fucking with me. I know it, and judging by the smirk on his face he knows I know. That's it. If we're going to be like this then I might as well enjoy it.

"Yeah, in fact, Jasper promised me a live anal sex show after dinner," I reply and give him an exaggerated wink as I continue to speak in a nasally version of his accent. "Isn't that right, _sweetness_?"

Edward manages to turn away form the table before he spits a mouthful of beer all over the floor and starts to laugh. While Jasper claps his hands slowly and gives me a proud smile. I give him a nod and take a bite of flaky phillo-covered yumminess.

We might be able to make this work, after all.


	9. Chapter 9

"It was just a joke," I insist as Jasper dries his hands on a dishtowel and walks over to wrap his arms around my shoulders.

"Are you changing your mind?" His breath tickles my neck and sends a shiver through me.

I shift my eyes, straining to look at him, and try to figure out if he is playing around. While he is smiling, there's a sincerity in his eyes that makes me a little nervous. Is this really going to happen? Am I ready for it to happen?

"If it makes you uncomfortable, we don't have to," Edward adds, taking a seat next to me, and places his hand over mine.

I both love and hate that he said it. Edward is being supportive, but there's a hint of apprehension in his eyes. It reminds me of Jasper's assumption that I wouldn't want to see them together, and it's making me mad. I hate that they think I'm some emotional idiot that's going to have a nervous breakdown every time we talk about sex. Worst of all it's all my fault, because I have been acting like total wussy flake. Well, it stops here!

They both need to know and trust that I don't mind them being together. I'm not just in this to get both of them for myself; it is so much more than that. I like the connection, this feeling I have when the three of us are together, like we're part of something so much more than we are separately.

"I'll admit, I'm little nervous, but it doesn't mean I can't handle it." I take hold of Edward's hand and slide my other hand over Jasper's wrist. "Actually, the idea of you two fucking really turns me on."

Edward looks relieved and a little shocked, and Jasper laughs. I can feel the tension draining out of the air. I'm so fucking thankful to feel it go.

"We'll be sure to give you a good show, Baby," Jasper says, pressing a kiss to my neck and lightly nipping at my skin.

Edward doesn't speak; instead he closes the distance to kiss me. Jasper pulls away to make room for Edward to tilt my head back, but I hold on to his wrist. I try to hold on to this moment as Edward's lips and tongue dance with mine. Jasper's fingers intertwine with mine and tighten into a solid fist of our combined fingers. It feels so right, that it's leaving me almost as breathless as the kiss. Edward pulls back, cradling my face in his hands, and smiles at me.

"Thank you," he whispers, touching his forehead to mine.

"No, thank you," I tell him and shove his head a little with mine. "Trust me. I intend to enjoy the show."

Edward's face flushes a little, but he keeps his composure long enough to kiss my nose. Jasper takes hold of Edward's hand. Without a word he leads us down the hallway and comes to a stop in front of the bedroom. He leans in to kiss my temple and then pulls Edward close for a kiss of his own. I watch them again, savoring how beautiful they are when they are like this. Too soon, they pull apart, and Jasper releases my fingers.

"You two stay out of trouble." Jasper gives us a wink and shakes his ass before he closes the bathroom door.

"Did he just shake his ass at us?" I have to ask, because I'm still not sure that I really saw it.

Edward lets out a very undignified snort of laughter and immediately covers his mouth; a look of embarrassed horror overtakes his face. I can't help but giggle that Edward, of all people, made that sound. Then he starts to laugh again, and just like that we're off into hysterics.

We stumble into my bedroom, or rather _our_ bedroom, whatever. I'm hiccuping I'm laughing so hard, while he leans his arm on the doorframe and continues to try to stifle his laughter. It's so nice to be like this again. Edward and I laugh about nothing, like a couple of idiots, and I didn't realize how much I missed it.

"I think you have had too much to drink," I say, walking over to collapse on the bed, exhausted and lightheaded from all the laughter.

"Actually, I think you're the one that's a little tipsy," Edward says, sitting down next me.

"See, right there," I say, turning to point at him. "I should have known you were gay. No straight man says tipsy."

"Actually, I learned it from my father, and I'm bisexual, not gay," Edward replies, trying to look superior, but the huge grin on his face is ruining the effect.

"Bah, whatever," I snort, waving my hand, and flop a leg onto his hip. "I don't care what you are as long as you're with me."

Well, look who's blurting out the truth like a drunken idiot. Fuck! I pause, unsure how to follow up my embarrassing, self-exposing bout of verbal diarrhea. Sure, I know that I'm kind of head over heels in love with Edward, and he said he loves me too, but...I don't know. Somewhere in the back of my mind I keep waiting for all of this to go wrong.

"No worries; you've got me," Edward replies with an even bigger smile.

My chest swells with confirmation that I didn't realize I needed. Stupid insecurities. Edward leans forward and gives me a soft kiss. His fingers play over the side of my face, while he looks me in the eye. He has that same damn expression on his face, like I'm something precious. It is so weird and unreal, but it's getting harder to feel like it's not right. He looks so happy and in love. It's starting to make me feel like maybe I really am special... _to_ _him_.

"In fact, you have both of us for as long as you want us," he adds as a strange expression quickly crosses his face, and I suddenly remember that Jasper is here.

Well, actually he's in the bathroom, but yeah. Jasper is part of this, and while I know this and I love it, I'm wondering how it will look in the long haul. I mean, I love Edward. Jasper...I don't know. He's sexy, and we have fantastic sex, but...I don't know.

"He loves you." Edward says it so quietly that I almost don't hear him.

Except I did hear him, and I'm kind of freaked out about it because it is not true. It can't be. Jasper very distinctly told me that he didn't love me. Okay, he said something like "it's not love, but it's more than sex." Still there was a 'not' right before 'love.' Right?

"What makes you so sure?" I sit up, suddenly feeling very sober.

"Well, other than the fact that I know _him_ ," Edward says with a shrug, sitting up to face me, "this isn't something he shares with anyone but me. The fact that he's letting you watch is kind of big."

"Why?" I can't help asking, because I can't wrap my head around it. Jasper Whitlock, the biggest exhibitionist I have ever met, is worried about me watching them fuck. Frankly, I'm surprised that he hasn't suggested we film and post this shit on the Internet.

Edward sighs heavily, glancing at the bathroom door, and scoots a little closer to me. I feel like he's about to tell me something that I'm either not ready to hear or that it is going to make me want to run out the door. Breathe, Clearwater.

"Jasper is...what we do together is very different from how we are with you, very different," Edward starts to say, looking at the floor, and I'm struck with the idea that he is just as uncomfortable as I am talking about Jasper without him here.

"I think I know what you mean, Mr. Mouthfucker," I counter with a grin, trying to lighten this mood out of fear and panic.

Edward chuckles and gives me a guilty grin. "Yeah, well that was nothing."

I think my eyes are going to pop out of my head, but I play off my shock with a carefully raised eyebrow. "Oh, really?"

"Don't worry," he says with a smirk and pats my leg. "It's only stuff I do with him. I don't expect it from you. I just wanted to prepare you for how he and I different."

"Okay," I relent, though I file the idea of Mr. KinkyCullen in the back of my brain with a thrilling shiver. "So when you say different do you mean something other than using his mouth like a glory hole?"

"You really liked watching that, didn't you?" He has this intrigued expression on his face, like he's a little turned on by the idea.

"Maybe," I answer, trying to be coy, but I can't stop myself from laughing. "Oh hell, of course I did, Edward. You were all..." I made this growling sound and gestured like I was holding and humping a head in front of me. "I mean how could I not find that hot?"

"You never cease to amaze me," he chuckles, but suddenly his expression turns serious, and he takes my hands in his before continuing to speak. "In all seriousness though, I need you to understand how big of a deal this is for Jasper."

"I get it-" I try to reassure him, but he shakes his head.

"No, you don't," he insists, releasing my hands, and sits back to comb his fingers through his hair. "You know how Jasper is so aggressive and pushes people's buttons all the time?"

I abso-fucking-lutely know what Edward means. Jasper has delighted in pushing my buttons, ever since we first met. I nod but don't speak.

Edward mirrors my nod and continues. "Well, he does it as a kind of challenge. He wants someone to put him in line. Part of him craves it. I'll admit the first time he asked me to do it I wasn't sure I could. I mean, I never thought I would enjoy being so... _rough_ with him, but after trying it a few times I've really grown to enjoy it."

I have no clue what he is talking about, but I don't want to interrupt him. So, I nod and look thoughtful, figuring he'll make sense at some point. Or I'll get a chance at some point to ask him to explain what he means.

"Anyway," Edward shakes his head and turns to look at me again. "While I'm not too afraid that you'll dump me over this, Jasper isn't as secure. The first time he asked that bitch, Maria, to try it, she refused and treated him like he was a freak. You're the first woman since her he has wanted to share this with, and despite all his bravado I can tell he is nervous about your reaction."

I nod and sigh, hating that yet again I'm being painted as the spaz queen. "Can I talk now?"

"Of course," he says, nodding.

"I'm not going to freak out," I tell him, putting my hand on his leg and giving him a squeeze. "Unless you guys get crazy with some power tools or jumper cables."

I'm being silly again to try to lighten the mood, because I hate how intense he is getting. Though, deep down I am wondering what has him so worried about their sex. The image of Jasper walking out of the bathroom in a full body leather Gimp suit flashes into my head, and I struggle not to laugh out loud at the thought.

"No, we don't bring out the table saw and butt plugs until the third date," Edward replies with a straight face.

"Was that a joke?" I erupt with laughter and slap at him. "Edward Cullen just cracked a joke. I'm in shock. The end is nigh!"

"Smartass," Edward hisses, and slaps my ass _hard._

"Ouch, you fucker!" I yell and try to slap him, but he quickly captures my wrists in his hand, pinning them above my head.

He gives me a mischievous smirk, while he skims his free hand over my waist. I immediately start jerking and squirming, trying to get away, but it's no use. He has me pinned against the bed, his fingers dancing over my body. I scream, laugh, and kick to no avail. Edward just laughs and continues to tickle the shit out of me.

"What in the Sam Hill is going on in here?" Jasper walks into the room buck naked, and all I can do is continue to laugh hysterically, even though Edward has stopped touching me.

I end up flopping on to the floor, while Edward stands beside Jasper, both watching me. It's weird looking at them from this angle, especially because I can see Jasper's balls. I don't remember them being shaved before. When I first saw him naked I remarked that the hair looked like golden clouds. He called me silly for saying so. I think it's kind of silly to shave your testicles, but whatever.

"Maybe we should sober her up before we start," Jasper says, looking at Edward, who has his arms crossed.

"No, she's fine," Edward sighs, shaking his head. "This is her nervous."

Something passes over Jasper's face, but it disappears when Edward pulls him into a kiss. I watch from the floor, enjoying the view, particularly how Jasper's dick hardens in a matter of seconds. Edward's only touching his face while they kiss, but Jasper's dick is at attention. I could hang my coat on that puppy.

"All right, let's get this party started." I roll onto my knees and stand up to clap my hands.

They break the kiss to look at me. Edward's smiling proudly; Jasper looks a little dazed. Apparently, I'm not the only one that Edward kisses stupid. Good to know.

"Yes, Ma'am," Jasper mutters, giving me a brief smile before moving toward the bed.

"Come here, you," Edward says, staying still and gestures me over.

"Yes?" I stop in front of him, trying to look tough, but I know he sees right through me.

"Kiss me," Edward commands; his tone is deeper, and the look in his eyes is familiar.

_Well, hello Mr. Mouthfucker._

"Yes, Sir," I reply quietly, warmth swirling in my belly as I obey his order.

His hands are in my hair, pulling me closer. It hurts a little but not in a bad way. In fact, it's sending little shocks of electricity through my body. He begins to kiss me slowly, his tongue sliding over my lips before pushing into my mouth. I moan softly, and he tugs hard on my hair, dragging me against him. Our bodies smash together with a violent slap that jolts every one my nerve endings. I feel every part of my body touching his, like it's on fire. Then his teeth cut across my bottom lip and his nails dig into my scalp, and I can't help but try to press closer to him. Oh my god, I'm so wet I think my underwear are about slide off on their own.

When he finally breaks the kiss I'm panting and flushed. If he kisses me like that all the time I'd let them both fuck my ass, maybe at the same time. Jesus Christ on a flying monkey!

"I kind of like it when you call me sir," Edward comments in his causal tone.

"I think I like it, too," I giggle and touch my fingers to my swollen lips.

Did I just giggle? How does he do this to me? Crazy Cullen sex voodoo!

"I know I like watching you working her like that, Baby," Jasper comments from the bed.

I look past Edward to see Jasper kneeling on the bed, one hand idly stroking his dick. He looks fucking hot and kind of... _different_. I can't put my finger on what it is. Maybe it's the way his knees are so far apart or the fact that he shaved his face, too. He looks younger, almost vulnerable. I kinda like it.

"You two can fuck with my head later," I say with confidence I didn't realize I had. "It's time to give me a show."

I give Edward a hard slap on his ass and quickly run out of his reach to avoid getting an ass smack in retaliation. He chuckles and shakes his head, walking over to the nightstand to grab my computer chair. Edward pulls out some things I had no clue were in his drawer; my table is on the other side of the bed.

He sets out a bottle, some condoms, and a packet of wipes. I take a seat in my chair, resting my feet on the edge of the bed, and try not to look completely shocked that he's been keeping an anal play kit in the bedside table. I suppose I have no right to complain. I have a vibrator and a Nora Roberts paperback in mine. We all have our dirty little secrets, I suppose.

Jasper is still kneeling on the bed, his attention is focused on Edward, but I catch him glancing at me every few seconds. Despite his casual smirk, I can see tension in the muscles of his shoulders and back. He is nervous, and while I'm surprised, I'm also a little relieved to see confirmation of Edward's words. I guess I would be nervous too, if I were in his position.

Edward turns to Jasper, gesturing for him to move. Jasper obeys, shuffling on his knees to get closer to Edward, but he stops short of touching. A sly smirk plays over his lips as he straightens to face a frowning Edward. I try to cover my laugh with a fake cough and get a glance from Edward, or rather _Mr. Mouthfucker,_ for my rude interruption.

He raises a single eyebrow at me, and my cheeks immediately fill with heat. The meaning in the small gestures has me shivering and squirming. I don't know where he has been hiding this side, but I'm really into it. In fact, I'm about ready to crawl over on my knees and ask to take Jasper's place.

I lean back in my chair, a little floored by how turned on I am by seeing this side of Edward. It's weird, because I love his caring, gentle nature, but this darker side is... Shit, I'm really fucking into it. My mind is already toying with the image of being on my knees in front of Edward, calling him sir, and begging him to fuck my mouth with his beautiful cock.

Holy fucking hell, I need to get a hold of myself! I try my best to play off how flustered I am by giving him a nonchalant shrug. Sure, Edward has me so horny I'm ready to bark like a dog for him, but I'm not about to show it. A girl's got to hold onto at least a scrap of dignity, right? Some part of me is laughing at my bullshit bravado, but I tell that part to shut the fuck up and keep playing it cool.

Edward doesn't say anything, just gives me a small smile and turns his attention back to Jasper. I let out a small exhale of relief and notice Jasper is laughing quietly, most likely at me. Before I can flip him off or say something rude, Edward raises his hand and slaps Jasper's bare chest.

The sharp sound echoes through the room, while Jasper hisses and curls over for a second. He recovers quickly and straightens to glare at Edward, a bright pink handprint on his chest. Edward is smiling like the fucking devil and lightly brushes his fingers over Jasper's chest, tracing the lines of the handprint. Jasper's chest expands like he's taking a deep breath, but he doesn't let it out; he just watches Edward's eyes.

It's like something is silently building in the air, and with every movement of Edward's fingers I can almost feel it under my skin, coiling inside my belly and making me twitch with anticipation. Between the dangerous gleam in Edward's eyes and the flexing muscles in Jasper's jaw, I'm two seconds away from rubbing one out right here. I wonder what the etiquette is on masturbating in this kind of situation. Is it stealing the spotlight, or would it be like a standing ovation? Damn, maybe I should have googled this shit.

Edward wraps his hand around the back of Jasper's neck, curling his fingers into a fist, and I bite my lip to stifle the gasp that nearly slips out as Edward bend Jasper's head back at a painful angle. Jasper makes a strangled sound, but otherwise doesn't make any show of resistance. My heart is pounding in my chest, and I'm having a hard time keeping still in my chair.

"Beautiful," Edward says, drawing his finger down Jasper's throat, over his collarbone, and down his chest.

Edward's fingers slide along the inside of Jasper's hips and brush over the side of Jasper's hard cock. Jasper swallows a gasp, and Edward immediately pulls his hand away. At first I think it's out of concern, then Edward brings down his hand and slaps the head of Jasper's cock hard. It's my turn to gasp, and this time I don't get any reaction from Edward. He's too busy whispering something in Jasper's ear. I can see Jasper's Adam's apple bob erratically, but Edward's face is turned away so I can't make out what he's saying.

Jasper looks so vulnerable with his back arched, head back, and eyes hooded with arousal. I don't know what it is about seeing him like this that is turning me on so much, but it's really getting to me - everything from the flush of pink filling his cheeks, to his parted lips, to the way every muscle in his body looks like it's strung so tight it might snap. I can hear him breathing in short huffs that almost feel like they're keeping time with my own frantic heartbeat.

Suddenly, it all starts to gel in my mind. This is what Edward was talking about. He is playing the part of _Mr. Mouthfucker_ , and Jasper is fucking loving it. Despite his vulnerable posture, Jasper's dick is rock hard and bobbing in the air in front of him, while Edward tugs at it hair. He is so turned on I wonder if he could come just from this rough treatment. I wouldn't be surprised if he did. Edward is really good at taking control. So good he has me ready to take my turn being the whipping boy...err, girl. Whatever.

Edward releases Jasper's hair and takes a step back, while Jasper raises his hands to place them behind his head. He stares straight ahead as Edward turns to the nightstand, and I wonder what it must be like for Jasper - to want someone to do this for him but never trust them to not make fun of him like that twat Maria did.

I watch his face, wishing he would look at me, but he seems to purposely avoid looking at me. Maybe Edward was right; Jasper is nervous about me being here. It is hard to wrap my brain around the idea that Jasper would care that much about what I think of him. _He loves you._ Edward's words float back into my mind and make me shiver. Could he really?

"Are you ready?" Edward's sharp, commanding tone pulls me out of my head and draws my attention back to the bed.

He opens the bottle of lube, pours some into his hand, and sets the bottle back down on the side table. Jasper nods, his eyes still staring forward as he takes a deep breath and let's it out in a slow exhale. The tension seems to leave his body as the air leaves his lungs, and I feel myself relax a little with him. Edward leans in and places a kiss on Jasper's shoulder. For a split second the softer side of Edward is back, and my heart does a little backflip at the sight of his tenderness.

Jasper turns to look at Edward, a small smile on his face. His expression so open, so loving that it is hard to believe it's coming from Jasper. He looks so real, and for a brief moment I wish he would look at me like that.

"Spread your legs." Edward's voice is deeper, full of authority, and suddenly we are back in play.

Jasper shifts on the bed and closes his eyes as Edward steps up next to him. Edward leans in and moves his lube covered hand behind Jasper. Jasper lets out a stuttered breath and bites his bottom lip. I'm a little stunned by how quickly they shift back and forth, but soon enough I'm back into it, too.

Edward shifts his hard, Jasper lets out a stuttered breath and bites his bottom lip.

I know that look on Jasper's face. He made it when I was sucking his dick. The thought mixes with the memory of when I had Jasper pinned to the floor while I swallowed his cock; the corners of my mouth had burned from the strain of making him fit, but I'd ignored it. It was worth seeing that look on his face, and seeing it now is making me so wet I am beyond caring about etiquette.

Carefully leaning back in the chair, I slide my hand under the waistband of my underwear and tentatively graze my fingertip over my pussy. Fuck, I'm so wet and slick; it's just the right amount of friction on my clit. I'm going to come really fast at this rate, but I don't care.

"Oh fuck!" Jasper's gasp draws my attention back to the boys, and I realize their both watching me.

"I take that to mean you're enjoying the show?" Edward asks, his arm still moving, while Jasper stares at me with a glazed look in his eyes.

I can't do more than moan in response and try to match the movement of my fingers to the pace Edward is setting with his arm. Jasper growls a little and goes down on his hands, his hair falling into his eyes. I've got a better view now, and it's stunning. Edward's hand glistens in the lamplight, while he works it over the slope of Jasper's ass. His thumb slides along Jasper's tailbone, and I can only assume that at least one of Edward's fingers is sliding in and out of Jasper.

I open my legs a little wider and slide my hand lower, so I can just dip my finger inside. It's so wet, that within a half a second my finger is coated, and I move it back up to circle my clit again. Though, now that I'm watching the boys, part of me wants to slide my finger back inside, wants to feel something or someone fuck me.

"I don't think she's going to wait," Jasper groans as he watches me through a curtain of damp, straw-blond curls.

His blue-green eyes seem so much brighter in contrast to his pink cheeks and the crimson bedspread. It's like earlier, when he was watching Edward going down on me. I can feel his eyes on me, and I like it.

"Well, we better hurry, then," Edward replies, drawing my attention to where he's kneeling behind Jasper.

He has his pants unzipped, and his dick is in his hand. It's such a strange sight, seeing his hard, dark red dick framed by his jeans. There's a condom packet in his teeth, his face a picture of vicious beauty as he tears it open and rolls it on. He spits foil out of his mouth and nudges Jasper's leg with his knee. "Get over here."

Jasper rises up on his hands and knees, his eyes never leaving mine, and mouths the words. _Race you._ I try to laugh, but it comes out as a long moan that I don't have time to be embarrassed about. Edward takes holds of Jasper's hip, while holding his dick in his hand, and it hits me. He's going to keep his clothes on while he fucks Jasper.

I don't have breath to gasp, my hand speeds up, and I begin to feel the sparks of my orgasm fire off low in my spine. It spreads like a wildfire through my body, an explosive and all-consuming heat that seems to hit every nerve in my body. The strength of the overwhelming pleasure has me jerking my hips uncontrollably, and I suddenly feel the absence of the computer chair. I tumble to the floor even as my body is still reverberating with a mind-blowing orgasm, and let out a strangled half yell, half moan.

When I'm able to see again I discover two faces hovering over me, while I giggle and twitch. They look worried and amused at the same time. I don't blame them. It is not safe to masturbate while sitting in a rolling computer chair. A fact that I ironically know from experience, but I completely forgot until now.

"Are you okay?" Edward asks, while Jasper helps me sit up, and brushes my hair out of my face.

"Fine," I insist, giving him a sheepish grin.

"Good," Jasper says and then attacks me with his mouth.

He has me back on the floor in seconds, his tongue in my mouth and his hands are groping my breast through my shirt. I'm still all tingly and punch-drunk from my orgasm. All I can do is hum and kiss him back. He pulls back to look at me, while he pants and grins at me. I just lie there, watching him, and wonder if I can convince them to fuck right here on the floor, so I don't have to move.

"That was so fucking sexy," he says, taking hold of my wrist, and lifts my hand to his mouth. One by one, he begins to suck my fingers, the ones I was just using to masturbate.

"Yes, it was," Edward agrees, leaning in to kiss me, and I moan into his mouth, while Jasper's tongue dances over my hand.

I finally pull away, because I need to breathe, and I still want to see them together. "Stop trying to distract me."

Edward laughs, and Jasper playfully nips at my fingers; they aren't going to get out of it. I decide they need to understand that I'm serious. It's time to play dirty.

I pull my hand out of Jasper's reach and push Edward down to the floor. Before he can do more than let out a startled cry, I pull off the condom and slide my lips around his dick. He groans low and digs his fingers into the carpet. I try to angle my head to take him deep, but there's no way I'm going to get close to how far Jasper took him. Instead, I slide him almost all the way out of my mouth, and swirl my tongue over his head, while gesturing for Jasper to come closer. He smiles and leans down to kiss the side of Edward's dick. We play over the head, lapping and kissing each other with Edward's dick in between our lips.

"You two better stop," Edward growls through his teeth and gently pushes at our heads.

He shifts out from between us and wraps his hand around the base of his dick, squeezing it hard. I assume he must be trying to keep from coming. It looks really painful with as hard as his dick is, but he seems to be managing it.

"Fuck!" He lets out a heavy sigh and moves to a kneeling position, his throbbing dick still clutched in his fist.

"I love it when you say fuck," I say with a big grin and wipe my mouth with the back of my hand.

"Agreed," Jasper says with a laugh, while wiping at his mouth.

"Does he talk like that when he fucks you?" Any hesitation I had about asking these kinds of questions is long gone. After all I just shared cock-sucking duty with Jasper and rubbed one out while watching Edward finger fuck Jasper's ass. I would say that we're past the awkward stage, or at least I hope we are.

"Oh sweetness, you have no idea," Jasper laughs, pulling me into his body, and kiss my cheek. "All manner of filthy shit comes out our sweet boy's mouth when his dick is buried in my ass."

"Does it?" I give Jasper an exaggerated look of shock and turn to smile at Edward. "I don't know; it's hard to believe. I think I'm going to have to see it for myself."

"You two are ridiculous," Edward sighs, shaking his head at both of us, but even he can't resist smiling.

"Yes, but you love us anyway," I reply and give him a wink.

"Absolutely," Edward says without hesitation.

"Good, now get over here and fuck this sweet ass!" I slap Jasper's ass for emphasis and get a strangled yelp from him. He tackles me to the floor and starts to tickle me, while I try to block his hands. We're laughing and squirming for several seconds, until Edward reappears beside us.

"Enough," I plead with Jasper, and he relents, giving me one last bite on the shoulder before rising up on his knees.

Edward is already moving into position behind Jasper, a new condom in place, and a bottle of lube in his hand. I quickly move closer to kneel in front of Jasper and watch while Edward applies the lube liberally. He sets the bottle down and takes hold of Jasper's hip, like he did before. Jasper cranes his head to look over his shoulder, watching Edward position the head of his dick.

For a second nothing happens, Edward stays completely still his eyes glancing from his cock to Jasper's face. I hold my breath while I watch them exchange a long, silent look. Then Jasper closes his eyes, and Edward slowly pushes.

I watch the slow progress of Edward's cock as it slides inside Jasper. My entire body is tense and trembling slightly. It feels like a year before Edward is all the way in. When he stops moving I finally take a small breath and feel Jasper exhale against my skin.

I look down to see him pressing his face into my stomach, while one of his hands rises up to take hold of my thigh. It's throws me off balance for a second, but I recover quickly by widening my stance, and putting a hand on his shoulder. He lets out another little sigh, and it makes me shiver.

Edward slides his hand up the center of Jasper's spine, and I reach out my free hand to touch his. He looks flushed, and a little overwhelmed, too. It's a very sexy look on him.

I give him an encouraging wink, squeeze his hand, and gesture for him to keep going. He shakes his head and gives me that same look like I'm made of gold. I smile a little wider and brace myself. He straightens up and rocks his hips into Jasper, who moans against me. Edward begins to move in earnest, rocking us in tandem with an amazing amount of strength. Jasper's grip on my thigh tightens with each new thrust as his mouth moves up my body to bite my nipple through my shirt. I moan, loving the sharp pleasurable pain. It turns me on, but I don't want him focusing on me right now.

I comb my fingers through his hair and dig my nails into his scalp. He grunts and lets go of my nipple, allowing me to lift his head, so he can look at me. His eyes are shining, and his eyelids are heavy. I can tell from his expression he's close to coming.

"You're close aren't you?" I look into his eyes him and try to sound as sexy as I can manage.

Jasper groans in response, and I take it as an affirmative. His eyelids flutter a little, and he's biting his bottom lip pretty hard. But he's not there quite yet. _Good._ I think to myself, because I want to push him over the edge.

"Do you know how sexy you look like this?" I've never had a lot of practice with talking dirty, but I've heard Jasper do it and he's a master, and I've got an really kinky idea that I'm hoping will blow his mind. "Seeing your tight ass wrapped around Edward's fat cock has me so fucking wet. I wonder if I could make you this hot if I strapped on a big dildo and fucked your ass. Would you like -"

I don't get any further because Jasper comes so hard he screams _yes_ in my face and starts jerking around like he's having convulsions. Edward lets out an equally loud and impassioned scream of _oh shit_ and slams his hips into Jasper. I try to hold on to Jasper, in an effort to keep both upright, but I quickly lose the battle. We collapse in a sweaty, panting heap.

Edward moves first, slowly getting up to dispose of the condom and wipe himself off. He returns to gently clean Jasper, who is trembling and oddly silent. He has my leg pinned under his shoulder, and I can't summon enough energy to move him. Instead I try to brush his hair from his face. His silence has me worried, but he flinches away from my touch and covers his face with his forearm.

I look at Edward for help, confused and a little guilty that I did something wrong. He shakes his head, as if to tell me it's all right, but I don't buy it. Jasper's acting very weird, and I know it has to be my fault. I'm about to open my mouth to say something, when Edward holds up his hand. I nod, waiting to see what he's going to do.

He slides his arms around Jasper and places a kiss on his shoulder to still him. I watch them rise up, Edward still cradling Jasper in his arms, and for a moment they stay kneeling above me. Their eyes are closed, and they sway slightly as Edward speaks. "It going to be fine."

Jasper nods but keeps his eyes closed. I can see shining trails of tears down his cheeks. Something in my chest tightens at the sight of his tears, and I immediately get up to move closer to them. Edward gives me a nod of encouragement, and I touch my hands to Jasper's face. His eyes finally open, and he looks right at me.

I don't know how to describe what I see, because I don't really see it. I feel it. From the top of my head down to my toes. Every part of me is connected to him like never before, and while it's overwhelming it doesn't scare me anymore. It just makes me smile.

"Hey, there," I whisper. I wish I could think of something more profound to say, but it seems to work.

"Hi, sweetness." His voice is a strained whisper, and he gives me a weak smile. "You know, you should warn a fella before springing something like that on him."

"But that would ruin the surprise," I argue with a laugh and lean into gently kiss him.

As soon as our lips meet the feeling multiplies, filling me to bursting, and threatens to overtake me. I don't panic, even though it takes my breath away and leaves me lightheaded. It's kind of incredible and beautiful that I can feel like this with him, too. He and Edward are something I never expected, could never have planned on, but I'm so fucking happy I have them.

I break the kiss and pull back to look at Jasper again. He looks back at me with that grin on his face, like he is the luckiest motherfucker in the world and he knows it. It makes me laugh, even as a little tear slips from the corner of my eyes.

"I love you, both." The words come out on their own and shock me as much as them, but I guess love does that.

I know it just knocked me on my ass.


	10. Chapter 10

You know how in movies, when there's that dramatic climax where someone finally confesses their love and the music surges? There's a kiss or embrace, then the scene changes or the movie ends, allowing the audience to skip all of the awkwardness and next steps that come after you tell the two most important men in your life that you love them.

There's no stretching silence. No weight of expectations. No feeling of drowning in uncertainty and the absence of fucking words.

God damn, I could use some fucking movie music right now. Not that I'm having some ridiculously trite bought of insecurity. There's nothing but love and reassurance on the faces of the two men facing me. Nothing but love.

Still, there is the expectation that we're adults, and we should know what to do or say in a moment like this. Only we don't do or say anything. Edward just smiles. Jasper grins like a thunderstruck idiot, and I stand there wondering if I should start doing a two-step to break us out of this weird purgatory of inaction.

Luckily, Edward breaks through our odd little frozen moment by pulling both of us into a tight embrace. He kisses my forehead, while Jasper kisses his neck. I marvel how we always have a place to be, to touch and it never feels out of step.

"Is it crazy to think this could work?" It slips out of my mouth so fast I don't even realize I've said it until Edward pulls back to give me a thoughtful look.

"Not at all ," he says, shifting gaze between the two of us.

"Fuck yeah we can!" Jasper wraps his arms around us and crushes us in a tight hug.

I laugh. I can't help it. This entire situation is beyond belief, and there are still so many things we need to talk about, that we should sort out.

Like how I figure into Ed and Jasper's sexual play, or if Jasper is really okay with me watching and participating. Why he cried and if it was a good or bad thing. Not mention, how we handle the day to day. Are they both my boyfriends? How do I explain them to my parents? What do we do after graduation?

It makes my head spin, and at the same time I don't give a shit. We will figure it out, and they're right: we can make it work.

All the stress and questions pour out of me while we stand there, leaving me wrung out and a little wobbly. I yawn and lean my head on Edward's shoulder.

"I think she's fading on us," he remarks, already pushing me toward the bed.

"Funny, since she didn't get nearly as much of a work out as my ass did," Jasper says, while easing off my shirt and gently tugging off my underwear.

"I guess I'm sleeping naked," I say, gracelessly flopping down on the comforter with a grunt.

"New house rule," Jasper replies with a wink.

"Good rule," Edward says, moving the comforter out from underneath me. He climbs in beside me and tugs it over both of us.

"Yes, I'm going to write up a new list tomorrow," Jasper says, sliding in behind me, pressing his chest against my back. "Everyone sleeps naked, and communal showers are at the top of the list."

"Can we make hanging up your towel the next on the list?" Edward adds, moving in closer so I can lay my head on his chest.

"Yes, and dirty socks go into the hamper, not the bathroom sink," I mumble against his skin and get an indignant snort against the back of my head.

"Damn conspiracy," Jasper mutters with a chuckle, while I yawn and laugh, making a weird sputtering huffing sound.

We settle into a comfortable silence, our bodies pressed together in a warm embrace. My mind is foggy and I'm still yawning, but for some reason I can't drop off into sleep yet. I take a deep breath, taking in the mingled scent of both Edward and Jasper. It's familiar, reassuring, and makes me feel safe. I never realized how tense I've been until this very moment.

The room is silent save for the sound of us breathing. Jasper's stubble-covered chin presses between my shoulders, his hot breath on my skin making me smirk into Edward's warm chest. My brain tries to come up with a million different humorous variations on being stuck between a rock and a hard place, but all of them are kind of stupid and would only be funny to me.

So I just continue to smile and stretch out my body so that I can press as much of my skin against them as possible. A little giggle escapes my lips, making me feel like a silly child even more.

"She's giggling again," Edward remarks, shifting closer and reaching over my head to touch Jasper.

"I like it," Jasper practically purrs against my skin, and I laugh out loud, because I'm fucking ticklish as hell.

"Me too," Edward laughs light, leaning down to kiss my forehead. "I think we should get her to do it more often."

"Agreed." Jasper's teeth press into the tender skin along the back of my neck, and I don't even bother stifling the grunt that comes out in response.

"Or that," Edward says with a low chuckle, his fingers under my chin and tipping me up to meet his lips with mine. "I'd be happy to hear you make that sound for the rest of our lives."

His lips and tongue urge my mouth to open for him. I'm a little overwhelmed by his words and breathless from the things Jasper's fingers are doing between my legs. It's swirling in my brain and making my body tremble.

 _For the rest of our lives._ My mind takes his words and runs the possibilities the future holds for us in a stream of countless images. They are silly, misty dreams that make me giddy. That crabby little voice in the back of my mind, that usually tells me how unrealistic those kind of dreams are isn't saying shit. I am so thankful, I catch myself humming against Edward's mouth.

"What is that?" He pulls back, an expression of delight lighting up his face. "Are you humming a song from The Wizard of Oz?"

"Maybe," I reply with a soft chuckle, turning to place a kiss against Jasper's temple while he laughs in my ear.

"Our girl is just full of surprises," Jasper says, hitching my thigh up over his leg and sliding his hand between my legs.

His finger slips inside me with ease. Fuck I'm so ready. I lift my hips, trying to get him to go deeper.

"She'd like to be filled with something else," I reply, placing my hand over his wrist to try and steer his movements.

"Yes, Ma'am," Jasper growls a little, adding another finger, and follows my lead.

"Looks like I'm not the only one who lives to give orders," Edward remarks.

I can feel him moving on the bed beside me, and I shift my gaze from Jasper's hand to find Edward digging in the bedside table. _My_ bedside table to be exact. "What are you doing?" I stutter a little. Jasper's really getting into it, and I can feel myself starting to clench around his fingers.

"You'll see," Edward says with that same dark smile that sends shivers through me.

"Better hurry up. She's close," Jasper comments, moving my leg and shifting to kneel over me.

His hand never leaves my body, but his mouth goes to town on my breasts. Fuck, his mouth and tongue should be illegal. Not to mention the fact that I think he worked a third finger inside of me. I can feel him stretching me. It seems like it should hurt, but it doesn't. It feels amazing, and I'm so wet I can feel it running down my thighs and ass.

Maybe I should embarrassed or self conscious, but here, now with Edward and Jasper I don't care. I feel good, and that's all that matters to me. I spread my legs wider, giving Jasper better access, and he goes even deeper.

"Holy shit!" I bite my lip to hold back the orgasm that is clawing at the back of my spine.

At first I don't realize why I'm holding back. It just feels like I shouldn't yet. This all feels so good, I don't want it to end. Then Edward speaks, and I know why.

"Stop," Edward's voice is deeper, more commanding and it nearly makes me come.

Jasper's hand disappears, and my eyes fly open to see what is happening. Edward is kneeling beside me, my vibrator in his hand. The hesitant expression on his face makes me a little nervous.

"I want to try something with you," he says, glancing down at the vibrator and then back at me, "but I don't want to push you into something you won't like."

"Oh, she'll like it," Jasper interjects, nipping at my shoulder, but I'm too distracted to do anything about him.

"You're not putting that in my butt," I say, half kidding, and get a little laugh out of Edward.

"No," he shakes his head and leans in closer. "I want to fuck you with it."

Realization rains down on me, covering my skin with goose bumps. He wants to play with me. To top or dominate me, like he did with Jasper. Are those the same thing? Fucking, who cares right now? I get it, and without a doubt I want it.

I try to play it cool by leaning even closer to Edward, until our lips are almost touching. "Sure, why not?"

Edward looks me right in the eyes and smiles like the fucking devil himself. "Get up on your knees."

_Hello, Mister Mouthfucker._

I scramble to obey. My legs feel like they're filled with water, but I mange to shift into place. Edward watches me with that smile, not saying a word until I stop moving.

"Is she ready?" This time he's talking to Jasper, but the implication of his words makes my back stiffen.

"More than ready," Jasper replies with shake of his head and moves closer. "Where do you want me?"

"Get behind her and hold her up," Edward orders, and Jasper immediately moves to press up against my back, his arms wrapping around my waist.

Normally, I despise when they talk about me and not too me, but this feels different. It's turning me on, especially, because I have no fucking clue what they're going to do.

"Leah, look at me." Edward combs his fingers through my hair and tightens his hand into a fist, pulling my hair a little in the process.

I meet his gaze, trying to not flinch from the pain in my scalp. His eyes seem darker, and the expression on his face sends a shiver through me. It feels like I am standing on the edge of a cliff with nothing but Jasper's arms and Edward's eyes to keep me from falling.

"If at any point you want to stop just say the word, and I will." His tone is that same commanding, low rumble, but underneath it I can hear a hint of concern.

Daylight Edward is still worried about me, still trying to keep me safe. Or still doubting I can handle whatever they plan to dish out. That last thought stings and makes me straighten my spine.

"Do your worst, Sir," I say with a wide grin and jerk my head forward, feeling some hair's tear loose in his fingers.

I'm trying prove I'm not a scared little girl who's going to run at the first sign of something kinky. He should know better. I've read books and watched more porn than a teenage boy. Not to mention watching him butt-fuck Jasper.

While I appreciate him trying to protect me, I've got to put that shit down now. Sure, maybe some of my mental pep-talk and show of badassery is for myself as much as for Edward, but I'm not going to fucking tell him.

"That's my girl," Jasper whispers against my shoulder and rewards me with a kiss.

Edward continues to stare at me, his expression unchanged, but then one corner of his mouth pinches for a split second. Just the hint of a smile and then it's gone. He tightens his grip on my hair and pulls my head to the side.

The angle is a little awkward but not really painful. In fact, the force of it and the way Edward's lips pull back from his teeth in a sneer makes my body clench in response. Holy shit, I'm a kinky bitch.

"Oh," Edward says the word slowly, his mouth forming a perfect 'o' and continues to mock me. "This is going to be fun."

I am about to respond with a smart-ass remark when I feel something hard touch my throat. It is cool and smooth, but I can't move my head to see what it was. Then Edward switches it on, and I don't need to look.

My vibrator buzzes against my skin, sending a jolt of shock through me. I forgot that he was holding it. As Edward draws it over my collarbone and along the curve of my breast, I start to get an idea of what he had in mind. It is driving me crazy.

I'm not usually so sensitive. My breasts are small, and my nipples equally unimpressive. It's nice when someone touches them, but I've never really thought of them as an erogenous zone, until now.

Edward's drawing wide circles around my nipple with the vibrator, just barely touching my skin, but for some reason it feels a million times more intense. He's not even touching my nipple, and it's fucking killing me.

My mouth is open as I gasp for breath and shake a little from the need for him to stop fucking teasing me. Fucking bastard is going to get some crazy evil payback for this shit. I groan in frustration.

He smiles, gives me a wink, and touches the vibrator to my nipple. It's like a live wire, shooting right to my clit. I don't come, but fuck am I close and that is just insane. How in the hell did he get my twenty-dollar mail order vibrator to do that?

Edward pulls the vibrator away, leans in close, and whispers against my ear. "What, no smart remarks?"

Before I can respond he touches the vibrator to my other nipple, making me moan and writhe in Jasper's arms. Some part of me wants to fight back. I should be angry and embarrassed by how easily he has reduced me to a panting, wanton mess. It shouldn't feel this good, should it?

I feel out of control, spinning and spiraling down a hole. Edward's voice and Jasper's skin are the only things anchoring me. It doesn't feel like enough. Panic surges through me, and I jerk away from Edward; Jasper tightens his hold on me.

"Shhhh," Jasper whispers in my ear, but it's too late.

"No," I gasp, shaking my head. "I can't..."

The vibrator disappears, and Edward lets go of my hair. His face fills my vision, a mixture of concern and guilt twisting the features of his face. I want to tell him it's okay, that it's not his fault. It's mine, all mine.

"Leah-" Edward's voice is cut off by Jasper.

"I've got ya, baby." He shifts me in his arms, until I'm facing him and wishing I could crawl under a rock.

Jasper holds me close, pushing my head onto his shoulders, and begins to stroke my hair. "There's no shame here. Trust me on that."

He kisses my shoulder, brushing his lips across my skin, and it suddenly dawns on me that he was in my position earlier. Cocky, arrogant Jasper can deal with this, and I just pussied out on my first go. Now, I feel even worse.

"It's okay." Edward's hands stroke my back, which just tops it all off.

I want to crawl in a hole. Way to show them you could play their reindeer games. What is wrong with me? I was enjoying it. Then it was too much, but I don't know why.

Jasper's rubbing the back of my neck and murmuring encouraging things in my ear. It's starting to irritate me. I do not need to be coddled. No fucking way. I am not going out like this.

"No!" I take a deep breath and lean back, so I can look at him. "Stop this shit, right now!"

It would sound so much cooler if I was sniffing and rubbing my eyes while I said. Fuck, I hate being a girl sometimes. Damn tears and hormones and caring too much.

"Okay," Jasper replies with a smirk, which is still annoying, but at least it's better than pity.

"What can we do?" Edward asks his hands still on my back.

"Help me," I answer him, but I look at Jasper because I know he has to understand why I'm freaking out and it's time for him to share his fucking secrets. "Quit looking so smug and help me figure this shit out."

He doesn't say a word, just nods and pulls me into a kiss. His mouth is hard, hot, and just what I need to clear away my muddled emotions. I dig my hands into his tangled hair and pull him closer, sucking his tongue into my mouth and wishing I could somehow absorb his knowledge through kissing, because we're both shit with words.

His grip on the back of my neck strengthens, reminding me of how Edward held my hair. I moan my approval. This I can handle, I think, and wrap my legs around his waist. He skims his other hand over my ass and slips it between my legs to slid his fingers over my clit.

"Shit," I gasp, breaking the kiss and tilt my head back a little.

"Look at me," Jasper says, his hand forcing me to turn my head. "You like this?"

"Yes," I admit, while his fingers trace light circles around my clit.

"What about this?" His hand disappears from the back of my head and slaps my ass hard.

I yelp and glare at him, but it's hard to look upset. The stinging heat in my ass is magnifying the thrumming pleasure in my clit. So much so that it's hard for me to focus enough to speak. So I nod instead.

"Of course you do," he says with a smirk that makes me want to slap that arrogant look right off his face. "Yes, keep looking at me like that, baby."

He slaps my ass again and slides a finger inside me. I shout in a mixture of frustration and surprise, my body contracting around his still moving fingers. There's shifting behind me and suddenly Edward's mouth is on my neck. His teeth sink into my skin, the pain is sharp and shocking. Jasper brings his hand down again and twists his fingers, hitting me just right.

The orgasm is unbelievable. I don't even have the air to scream. My mouth opens in a silent cry as my body nearly shakes itself to pieces. I dig my nails into Jasper's shoulders while I ride it out. His fingers never stop; they keep bringing on a new wave of pleasure. His free hands grip my ass so hard it's painful, while Edward's bites shift to soft kisses.

The pleasure finally subsides enough for me to breathe again. "Holy shit! How did you do that?"

"Easy," Jasper laughs, laying back and sliding his arms behind his head. "If there is one thing I've learned about you Miss Clearwater is that the quickest way to keep you from freaking out is to piss you off. It's also turns you on a lot."

"What?" Before I have a chance to argue, Edward starts to laugh.

"It actually makes a lot of sense," Edward says, shifting to lie down beside Jasper. "I can't believe I didn't think of it."

"Well, come on. All you have to do is look at how hard her nipples get when she screams," Jasper points out, like I'm not there, which I hate and he knows it.

"Oh yeah, like that time you took her bra when she was in the shower," Edward replies, laughing and giving me a little wink. "I still remember how sexy you looked storming through the house in that wet t-shirt."

I hate that they're teasing me. Though the look on Edward's face when he said I looked sexy is almost making me forget how annoyed I am. Almost.

"I still owe you for that, fucker!" I give Jasper a hard slap on his chest and point a finger at Edward. "You have no business flirting with me while this asshole is teasing me."

"No teasing, honest," Jasper insists, pulling me down against his chest.

"Bullshit," I grumble, but let him hold me because I'm tired, and it kind of feels really great. "You both know that I'm a bitch with a bad temper. There is nothing sexy about an angry brown girl who doesn't know how to shut the fuck up."

"Stop that right now." Edward grabs the back of my head and forces me to look at him. "Forget what everyone else has told you. There is nothing wrong with you. I do not want to ever hear you talk like that again. Do you understand?"

I'm too shocked to say anything. The intense expression on Edward's face is a little scary. I realize now that I have never seen him like this. Not quite angry, but intimidating. I can feel myself shrinking a little under his gaze. Holy shit, and I thought Mister Mouthfucker was impressive.

"Just nod, baby," Jasper whispers in my ear, and I slowly nod.

"Good," Edward says with a smile and leans in to kiss my temple. "We love you, just the way you are."

"Okay," I manage to say, while Jasper chuckles underneath me.

Edward grabs the comforter and pulls it over us and scoots over so I can lay down between them. I'm sticky, worn out, and still kind of stunned by everything that's happened, but I'm not scared anymore. After all, this is Edward and Jasper, my best friends. If there were anybody who could make something this crazy work it would be us.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for your patience and thanks to Jessypt for being a fantastic beta and friend.


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